|
|
Post by darktippedrose on Feb 17, 2017 2:55:18 GMT -5
My kids are more relaxed and loving with me, but he helps me with the kidz when they are getting out of control
it would be too hard to take care of them all by myself, especially as my oldest son is a runner
and in my earlier stage of marriage, I tried communication and it just got me shut down. I don't know how to explain it, but he just has a way of making me look stupid and it just never works.
|
|
|
|
Post by McRoomMate on Feb 17, 2017 4:33:37 GMT -5
I mentioned before to him, his cheating. he actually admitted it, once. And he downplayed it. Grrrrrr. he kept on saying what do you want, what do you want? I have a hard time talking to him because when I do, I freeze up. When my husband changes, he thinks his past actions don't matter. I've mentioned before that he rejected me since 2 weeks of marriage but he acts like its all in the wind. he's told his friends that I'm too old to want sex. So yeah ....... Yes, absolutely past actions matter - My girlfriend(fiancee) cheated on me and did horrible lies to cover up - I caught her eventually. I threatened to leave her and because of the cheating. The "problem" was that I loved her very much and could not bear being without her. However, over time (a matter of a year or so), I realized that the "TRUST" was simply broken and so I began cheating on her left and right - and left her. However, even years later when my "wife" got pregnant and I forced myself to marry her because of the pregnancy I realized I did not love my wife and still missed my old fiancee. The point I am clumsily trying to make is "LOVE" counts for a lot. Do you still "LOVE" your H? Are there still feelings? Call me a hopeless romantic but I think if there is Love then worth considering fighting for . . . but maybe even with "Love" it is still hopeless. I would love to know how that "L" word is currently in your relationship? Does that impact what you will decide to do? |
|
|
|
Post by darktippedrose on Feb 17, 2017 14:06:47 GMT -5
I mentioned before to him, his cheating. he actually admitted it, once. And he downplayed it. Grrrrrr. he kept on saying what do you want, what do you want? I have a hard time talking to him because when I do, I freeze up. When my husband changes, he thinks his past actions don't matter. I've mentioned before that he rejected me since 2 weeks of marriage but he acts like its all in the wind. he's told his friends that I'm too old to want sex. So yeah ....... Yes, absolutely past actions matter - My girlfriend(fiancee) cheated on me and did horrible lies to cover up - I caught her eventually. I threatened to leave her and because of the cheating. The "problem" was that I loved her very much and could not bear being without her. However, over time (a matter of a year or so), I realized that the "TRUST" was simply broken and so I began cheating on her left and right - and left her. However, even years later when my "wife" got pregnant and I forced myself to marry her because of the pregnancy I realized I did not love my wife and still missed my old fiancee. The point I am clumsily trying to make is "LOVE" counts for a lot. Do you still "LOVE" your H? Are there still feelings? Call me a hopeless romantic but I think if there is Love then worth considering fighting for . . . but maybe even with "Love" it is still hopeless. I would love to know how that "L" word is currently in your relationship? Does that impact what you will decide to do? Love? haha oh boy i do not love him as a man he's a room mate when it comes to religious stuff he's great after that, not so much There is a type of love that is ripped out of you, whether you like or not, when you've had children with someone. thats the kind of love that we have. I loved him more than he loved me. And over time, that love has gone away. He's chipped away at it. I have faith that when the time is right, by death or divorce, me and my kidz won't have to deal with him anymore. |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2017 14:13:02 GMT -5
Yes, absolutely past actions matter - My girlfriend(fiancee) cheated on me and did horrible lies to cover up - I caught her eventually. I threatened to leave her and because of the cheating. The "problem" was that I loved her very much and could not bear being without her. However, over time (a matter of a year or so), I realized that the "TRUST" was simply broken and so I began cheating on her left and right - and left her. However, even years later when my "wife" got pregnant and I forced myself to marry her because of the pregnancy I realized I did not love my wife and still missed my old fiancee. The point I am clumsily trying to make is "LOVE" counts for a lot. Do you still "LOVE" your H? Are there still feelings? Call me a hopeless romantic but I think if there is Love then worth considering fighting for . . . but maybe even with "Love" it is still hopeless. I would love to know how that "L" word is currently in your relationship? Does that impact what you will decide to do? Love? haha oh boy i do not love him as a man he's a room mate when it comes to religious stuff he's great after that, not so much There is a type of love that is ripped out of you, whether you like or not, when you've had children with someone. thats the kind of love that we have. I loved him more than he loved me. And over time, that love has gone away. He's chipped away at it. I have faith that when the time is right, by death or divorce, me and my kidz won't have to deal with him anymore. Can I ask what you are still doing with him? I know you mentioned something about being injured in the snow but that doesn't really explain. As far as I am concerned he should have lost you the moment he tried to deflect the conversation when you confronted him with his infidelity. |
|
|
|
Post by darktippedrose on Feb 17, 2017 15:51:46 GMT -5
Love? haha oh boy i do not love him as a man he's a room mate when it comes to religious stuff he's great after that, not so much There is a type of love that is ripped out of you, whether you like or not, when you've had children with someone. thats the kind of love that we have. I loved him more than he loved me. And over time, that love has gone away. He's chipped away at it. I have faith that when the time is right, by death or divorce, me and my kidz won't have to deal with him anymore. Can I ask what you are still doing with him? I know you mentioned something about being injured in the snow but that doesn't really explain. As far as I am concerned he should have lost you the moment he tried to deflect the conversation when you confronted him with his infidelity. the children. It would be too hard for me to leave him now |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2017 17:22:15 GMT -5
Can I ask what you are still doing with him? I know you mentioned something about being injured in the snow but that doesn't really explain. As far as I am concerned he should have lost you the moment he tried to deflect the conversation when you confronted him with his infidelity. the children. It would be too hard for me to leave him now Understood. At least you have a purpose although that is only a consolation for letting your own agenda fall away |
|
|
|
Post by darktippedrose on Feb 21, 2017 2:47:17 GMT -5
i have no intention in staying married to him for the rest of my life. But I don't see myself leaving in even one years time.
|
|
|
|
Post by leifericson on Feb 21, 2017 7:43:05 GMT -5
My daughter is starting to notice things. She wanted me and her dad to go out on a date night. I've told her when she's married and has kids, that I'll watch her kids so she can go on date night with her husband. She says that husbands and wives are supposed to kiss (we haven't gotten beyond kissing lol). She asked me if her father loves me. I said that her father loves her, I love her and that that is enough. I honestly didn't know what to say. I couldn't bring myself to lie and say that he actually loves me because I don't think that he actually does. Does anyone have advice on this issue? This alway upset me. How was I affecting the future of my kids. Was it better to stay and provide a stable home or set a bad example of a dysfunctional marriage. The kids saw that for years I slept on the couch. They had to know. Talking to divorced friends they all said it's better if the kids grew up with their parents happy. I always thought they were trying to justify their actions. What I know about divorced kids is that they all want their parents to stay together and don't care about the dysfunction. Kids are grown up now. 1 has healthy relationships and the other does not so who knows. So why do I still stay in the marriage, what used to be called a marriage of convenience? I have lots reasons but too much to type here. I do think it's justified to outsource but not doing that yet. |
|
|
|
Post by darktippedrose on Feb 21, 2017 12:25:32 GMT -5
the biggest thing that keeps me is that its sooo hard to keep my children safe all by myself as they have autism. So being runners, having big temper tantrums, etc.
|
|
