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Post by Deleted on Feb 14, 2017 10:38:18 GMT -5
It's Valentine's Day, and that date had significance for me and Mr. Kat.
The first time we ever had sex was Valentine's Day 2002.
The day when I finally had to admit to myself that something had gone wrong for us was Valentine's Day 2013.
So, I'm feeling kind of low today.
I think the thing that hurt the most was that I was expected to be OK with the idea that the love and sex part of my life was over forever.
Taking it away from me was bad, but understandable. But that was a huge loss for me. I needed to mourn that loss, and I wasn't allowed to.
Most people out there in the world, who are blissfully ignorant of SM, wouldn't understand anyway; so it doesn't hurt that much that they would have thought I was weird if I let the pain show.
But Mr. Kat didn't want to let me mourn that loss. And that I find totally unreasonable.
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Post by bballgirl on Feb 14, 2017 10:53:33 GMT -5
Hang in there Kat. The day will pass. You are doing great now and I hope your regular day in and day out are better than living with a refuser.
Hugs xoxo
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Post by lakeside4003 on Feb 14, 2017 11:25:49 GMT -5
I didn't realize how much I'd 'mourn' the loss of my love life - and today is really bringing it to a new level of reality.
The hoping is gone.
but - blue skies ahead!!
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Post by worksforme2 on Feb 14, 2017 12:05:47 GMT -5
I didn't realize how much I'd 'mourn' the loss of my love life - and today is really bringing it to a new level of reality. The hoping is gone. but - blue skies ahead!! I don't think I really mourned the loss of my love life(since it was so infrequent) until we separated and I felt in addition to that loss the real ending of the marriage. The 2 together constituted a pretty big chunk of emotions. But time really does heal all things. |
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Post by Lithium92 on Feb 14, 2017 12:06:11 GMT -5
I want do (hugs) cos you know, I'm a bloke.
Beer?
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Post by worksforme2 on Feb 14, 2017 12:13:38 GMT -5
It's Valentine's Day, and that date had significance for me and Mr. Kat. The first time we ever had sex was Valentine's Day 2002. The day when I finally had to admit to myself that something had gone wrong for us was Valentine's Day 2013. So, I'm feeling kind of low today. I think the thing that hurt the most was that I was expected to be OK with the idea that the love and sex part of my life was over forever. Taking it away from me was bad, but understandable. But that was a huge loss for me. I needed to mourn that loss, and I wasn't allowed to. Most people out there in the world, who are blissfully ignorant of SM, wouldn't understand anyway; so it doesn't hurt that much that they would have thought I was weird if I let the pain show. But Mr. Kat didn't want to let me mourn that loss. And that I find totally unreasonable. I often state that I am one of the luckiest people on this site because I didn't suffer nearly to the extent that many here have, and I am including you in the #. Probably 6 or 8 months after we separated my X and I had a short talk about how we felt about our marriage ending. She stated she mourned for what we had lost and acknowledged her role . It was some consolation to know all the sad feelings weren't mine alone. So once again I consider myself as having been lucky. I'm hoping some of the luck I've had comes your way..... XXOO |
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Post by richfairy72 on Feb 14, 2017 12:25:29 GMT -5
Smartkat I know how you feel, it's as if we have to shrug it off and get on with things. I think I have mourned privately for years, it hits me at strange times - mAinly a song on the radio or seeing a couple kissing.
Not sure what to say to help but I think it is important to allow yourself to have your feelings. Even if no one else acknowledges them, we understand on here a nd give you permission to grieve.....
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Post by shamwow on Feb 14, 2017 13:44:28 GMT -5
It's Valentine's Day, and that date had significance for me and Mr. Kat. The first time we ever had sex was Valentine's Day 2002. The day when I finally had to admit to myself that something had gone wrong for us was Valentine's Day 2013. So, I'm feeling kind of low today. I think the thing that hurt the most was that I was expected to be OK with the idea that the love and sex part of my life was over forever. Taking it away from me was bad, but understandable. But that was a huge loss for me. I needed to mourn that loss, and I wasn't allowed to. Most people out there in the world, who are blissfully ignorant of SM, wouldn't understand anyway; so it doesn't hurt that much that they would have thought I was weird if I let the pain show. But Mr. Kat didn't want to let me mourn that loss. And that I find totally unreasonable. I'm with ya, Kat. The last time my wife said "I love you" unprompted to me was on the day our son was born. He had some breathing problems (no real issue), and they put him in the neonatal ICU. We held each other and she told me she loved me. That will be 13 years ago this coming March 18. Every year when we celebrate the miracle that is my son, I hurt and grieve inside. I probably will for the rest of my life. Talk about bittersweet. |
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Post by cc on Feb 17, 2017 21:05:39 GMT -5
I hate you weren't allowed to mourn it. God, that is just, it's mean.
HUGS
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