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Post by GeekGoddess on Feb 17, 2017 10:02:45 GMT -5
I love the flow chart. Of course, I immediately checked for where Loverman fits in it. He is divorced longer than me. He speaks of his Ex pretty consistently. This made me believe he was emotionally unavailable for a new relationship. As it turned out, he was having a (semi)committed relationship in his town, unbeknownst to me. So - I still believe he is actually emotionally unavailable, even though he is pursuing this other relationship with someone. I am trying to maintain my friendship with him (i.e., friends-ONLY) because of his visit to my 12-step program - and that is what we do for program fellows. It's a very fine balance. Anyway - he just doesn't actually appear in the flowchart exactly. And/or - he lies to himself and probably me about certain things (well - at least about that relationship!).
Still - for future dating, this is VERY helpful to me!
I have a sort-of-date tomorrow night. A program fellow with more sober time than I have found & "liked" me on Tinder. We've been texting. I have met him in person a couple of times prior to that and I did wonder if he were single. He has been divorced (don't know how long though) and has a 15 y.o. daughter. LADIES - I do feel like we can learn a lot about a potential date by looking at how they treat their daughters (Loverman wasn't equitable between his treatment of his son vs. his daughter - it wasn't TOO out of kilter, but I had noted it).
Anyway - in texts with this new person, he takes his dog for walks and he goes to get his Ex's dog too (so it's not inside the house ALL day) and takes his mom's dog with them too. Seems like that indicates a pretty sweet soul. AND - possibly the most exciting aspect for the post-SM point - in asking what I had hoped for from Tinder, when responding to what I told him - he said he is hoping for physical interaction. Since texting is "too much" for me to have a very heartfelt interaction - I can hardly wait to ask him about his marriage/divorce and to share at least a little of the SM aspect of my own.
I don't have high hopes for this date tomorrow - but I do have MODERATE hopes. I'll most definitely report back when I can!
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Post by eternaloptimism on Feb 17, 2017 13:19:11 GMT -5
The man that has asked me to dinner at his house is divorced like me. He's a decade younger but I am not bothered by that.  We met through mutual friends last summer but he called out of the blue last week. I am being pursued actually and I'm loving it. I am staying over at his home this weekend. He lives 2.5 hours north of me so it just makes sense. I am really nervous and bringing condoms just in case. He's a really nice man. Nancy you hot lady you!! I'm so excited for you my belly is doing somersaults. Have a fabulous night for all of us here! And report straight back please so we know you are back safe! Xxxx |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Feb 17, 2017 13:21:39 GMT -5
I love the flow chart. Of course, I immediately checked for where Loverman fits in it. He is divorced longer than me. He speaks of his Ex pretty consistently. This made me believe he was emotionally unavailable for a new relationship. As it turned out, he was having a (semi)committed relationship in his town, unbeknownst to me. So - I still believe he is actually emotionally unavailable, even though he is pursuing this other relationship with someone. I am trying to maintain my friendship with him (i.e., friends-ONLY) because of his visit to my 12-step program - and that is what we do for program fellows. It's a very fine balance. Anyway - he just doesn't actually appear in the flowchart exactly. And/or - he lies to himself and probably me about certain things (well - at least about that relationship!). Still - for future dating, this is VERY helpful to me! I have a sort-of-date tomorrow night. A program fellow with more sober time than I have found & "liked" me on Tinder. We've been texting. I have met him in person a couple of times prior to that and I did wonder if he were single. He has been divorced (don't know how long though) and has a 15 y.o. daughter. LADIES - I do feel like we can learn a lot about a potential date by looking at how they treat their daughters (Loverman wasn't equitable between his treatment of his son vs. his daughter - it wasn't TOO out of kilter, but I had noted it). Anyway - in texts with this new person, he takes his dog for walks and he goes to get his Ex's dog too (so it's not inside the house ALL day) and takes his mom's dog with them too. Seems like that indicates a pretty sweet soul. AND - possibly the most exciting aspect for the post-SM point - in asking what I had hoped for from Tinder, when responding to what I told him - he said he is hoping for physical interaction. Since texting is "too much" for me to have a very heartfelt interaction - I can hardly wait to ask him about his marriage/divorce and to share at least a little of the SM aspect of my own. I don't have high hopes for this date tomorrow - but I do have MODERATE hopes. I'll most definitely report back when I can! And you are off on a date too GG. I'm palpitating for you and nancyb here. This is marvellous news. Have a fucking excellent time lady xxx |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2017 14:39:30 GMT -5
Yeah, the flow chart....it seems to weed out 99% of the male population.
If you can't find everything you want in one man, it's too bad that society frowns on us finding everything - just with different men.
Mr. Kat seems to be stuck in the problems that drove us apart - so he isn't really a good option.
The man I like best (not desperately in love with - he's just my favorite) - is emotionally unavailable.
And the one who seemed to fall madly in love with me in December....he has backed off somewhat. Which is a relief - he just doesn't turn me on physically; and I felt like he was hunting me down. I know - men are supposed to be the hunters. But when they overdo it, I feel like running and hiding. The trick is to hunt me just the right amount.
And even though he has backed off somewhat, I still don't think he's the one.
So, I don't know. I'm not encouraged by the way my love life is going.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Feb 19, 2017 12:24:52 GMT -5
I had a really good time on my date last night. We met up at the candlelight meditation meeting and we didn't sit next to each other for that. A lot of my friends (it is my home group and he has visited a few times) knew or noticed that I was going to the parking lot with him (2 or 3 got told of the plans). We got a bite to eat and went to get his dog then took her for a night walk to the school/track/playground. I got to swing for a bit and we talked a good while. We got back in the car and he was dropping me at my car (parked at the meeting) and the goodnight kiss turned into a "let's not stop there" so I went home, he dropped off his dog, and he came over.
We both had a wonderful time. He didn't stay all night. I was okay with that. This morning, he texted (even though he isn't much of a texter, self-reported) and I believe I will see him again (at least on next weekend). He has a daughter (15 yr old) who lives with him full-time. She was spending the night out - but between that and his job, there won't be many weeknights where we get together. I am okay with that too and it's not weeknights when I miss a partner most - it's the weekends.
After we had (both) had a few rounds of pleasure - we stopped for a pee break and on the way back to the bed - he points at the periodic table of sex poster and asks: Did I just hit some kind of jackpot? He wasn't intimidated and I was playful about it being an aspirational goal rather than a menu - including that some single items MAY be exempt from consideration.
I told him (some) of my SM. I made BRIEF mention of a post-divorce affair that wasn't "dating" (i.e., Loverman, including introducing him to the program). We talked a lot about our (12-step) program. He has a lot longer sober time than me and is 2 yrs younger than I am (but when I told him I'll turn 49 later this year, his response was: we're the same age!)
Lovely, lovely evening. Best non-loverman shag since I left my house in August 2015 (besides loverman, there was only one other which wass a total failure). We had FUN, before the root and after.
Good stuff.
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Post by worksforme2 on Feb 19, 2017 12:38:55 GMT -5
I had a really good time on my date last night. We met up at the candlelight meditation meeting and we didn't sit next to each other for that. A lot of my friends (it is my home group and he has visited a few times) knew or noticed that I was going to the parking lot with him (2 or 3 got told of the plans). We got a bite to eat and went to get his dog then took her for a night walk to the school/track/playground. I got to swing for a bit and we talked a good while. We got back in the car and he was dropping me at my car (parked at the meeting) and the goodnight kiss turned into a "let's not stop there" so I went home, he dropped off his dog, and he came over. We both had a wonderful time. He didn't stay all night. I was okay with that. This morning, he texted (even though he isn't much of a texter, self-reported) and I believe I will see him again (at least on next weekend). He has a daughter (15 yr old) who lives with him full-time. She was spending the night out - but between that and his job, there won't be many weeknights where we get together. I am okay with that too and it's not weeknights when I miss a partner most - it's the weekends. After we had (both) had a few rounds of pleasure - we stopped for a pee break and on the way back to the bed - he points at the periodic table of sex poster and asks: Did I just hit some kind of jackpot? He wasn't intimidated and I was playful about it being an aspirational goal rather than a menu - including that some single items MAY be exempt from consideration. I told him (some) of my SM. I made BRIEF mention of a post-divorce affair that wasn't "dating" (i.e., Loverman, including introducing him to the program). We talked a lot about our (12-step) program. He has a lot longer sober time than me and is 2 yrs younger than I am (but when I told him I'll turn 49 later this year, his response was: we're the same age!) Lovely, lovely evening. Best non-loverman shag since I left my house in August 2015 (besides loverman, there was only one other which wass a total failure). We had FUN, before the root and after. Good stuff. Let me be the 1st to say "congrats" GG. Maybe it's just me but those of us who have left our marriage seem to often be betwixt ourselves finding some we would really like to be on intimate terms with. But you seem to be figuring it out slowly but surely. Good luck with the new guy going forward. |
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Post by nancyb on Feb 20, 2017 3:49:45 GMT -5
Just reporting in. I had a really nice time with my weekend date. Staying over was the right thing to do. I'm officially been laid in 2017!!!
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Post by eternaloptimism on Feb 20, 2017 4:55:18 GMT -5
Just reporting in. I had a really nice time with my weekend date. Staying over was the right thing to do. I'm officially been laid in 2017!!! Yay Nanc! Im sooo jealous! xxxx |
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Post by tamara68 on Feb 20, 2017 5:35:09 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2017 7:40:28 GMT -5
Just reporting in. I had a really nice time with my weekend date. Staying over was the right thing to do. I'm officially been laid in 2017!!! yay! how wonderful! |
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Post by bballgirl on Feb 20, 2017 7:43:21 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2017 12:19:32 GMT -5
Good for both of you! Maybe things are looking up for all of us.
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Post by shamwow on Feb 21, 2017 21:40:50 GMT -5
Just reporting in. I had a really nice time with my weekend date. Staying over was the right thing to do. I'm officially been laid in 2017!!! Way to go Nancy! Gives me hope for 2018 |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 24, 2017 15:42:04 GMT -5
Just reporting in. I had a really nice time with my weekend date. Staying over was the right thing to do. I'm officially been laid in 2017!!! Congratulations!! |
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We met through mutual friends last summer but he called out of the blue last week. I am being pursued actually and I'm loving it. I am staying over at his home this weekend. He lives 2.5 hours north of me so it just makes sense. I am really nervous and bringing condoms just in case.
