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Post by worksforme2 on Feb 13, 2017 11:20:07 GMT -5
I have some criteria when considering possible prospects for dating. I won't list them as some aren't relevant (I don't think) to the forum here as it relates to the sexless aspect of a relationship. But I think this one is.
When I read a woman's description and any history she may detail, I pay attention to what she says about how long she has been divorced or widowed before having started dating, If I read that it has been years and years since she dated or was in a relationship I delete her from list of potential candidates unless she can justify why. Or if she doesn't put any info in her personal bio info I try to discern as much as I can from what's between the lines. Following that if the initial contact leads to a conversation or meet for coffee I eventually work in the question of "How long has it been since you dated or the last relationship you had broke off"? Again if she hasn't felt the need to have a male present in her life for an extended period(years) I don't pursue anything more.
I do this because I can't help but feel that most likely intimacy and/or sex is way down the list of priorities for her. Am I wrong headed on this? And if so why? My next question is: "Should I perhaps try to delve more, or would that really be rude of me to keep going down this avenue with someone I hardly know"?
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Post by bballgirl on Feb 13, 2017 14:06:55 GMT -5
Funny you should mention this. There was a man 44, divorced when he was 33, that I made contact with a couple of weeks ago on Ok Cupid. He was very interested and we spoke on the phone all week with the intent to meet for coffee at the end of the week on Saturday morning. So initial phone conversations were get to know each other better, what are you looking for? Hookup, girlfriend, etc.
Any way, by the end of the week I was asking him about previous relationships, last girlfriend, etc. He said 11 years ago when he was married.
I asked when was the last time you had sex? He said 11 years ago.
My response: So you've been single 11 years and haven't had sex with anyone? HUGE RED FLAG!!
I cancelled with him, gave him a truthful excuse and said I didn't feel I was right for him.
I can understand if a man has been in a SM and hasn't had sex for years but he was single. He was either lying or weird and I'm not interested in either.
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Post by baza on Feb 13, 2017 21:07:07 GMT -5
Months ago, Sister Fiery posted this 'flow chart' sort of thing showing the paths to (and the many dead ends) a worthwhile relationship.
It's well worth a look.
It rules out huge swathes of potential people on the basis of things like "inappropriate age band", "wrong sexual orientation", "still unhealthily attached to previous spouse" and suchlike.
As I say, well worth a look if you can find it.
(I'd put a link up if I knew how).
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 13, 2017 21:21:33 GMT -5
So interesting I have a friend recently divorced she was going on a date with her first widow who posted he had been married to his best friend of 30+ years and she thought what a wonderful man not the usually jackasses she had met - just what she was looking for .... after first date he dumped her ... she was too tall, his wife was shorter and that's what's he used to. So don't presume
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 14, 2017 11:21:20 GMT -5
It seems I can attract men for whom I just don't feel that spark. Goddammit.
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Post by DryCreek on Feb 14, 2017 12:47:40 GMT -5
It seems I can attract men for whom I just don't feel that spark. Goddammit. Playing cheerleader, I'll say... you're attracting men, and that's a great thing - it gives you something to work with. Now to the filtering! |
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Post by shamwow on Feb 14, 2017 14:06:46 GMT -5
It seems I can attract men for whom I just don't feel that spark. Goddammit. Is that your X-men mutant power? |
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Post by WindSister on Feb 14, 2017 15:42:47 GMT -5
I have some criteria when considering possible prospects for dating. I won't list them as some aren't relevant (I don't think) to the forum here as it relates to the sexless aspect of a relationship. But I think this one is. When I read a woman's description and any history she may detail, I pay attention to what she says about how long she has been divorced or widowed before having started dating, If I read that it has been years and years since she dated or was in a relationship I delete her from list of potential candidates unless she can justify why. Or if she doesn't put any info in her personal bio info I try to discern as much as I can from what's between the lines. Following that if the initial contact leads to a conversation or meet for coffee I eventually work in the question of "How long has it been since you dated or the last relationship you had broke off"? Again if she hasn't felt the need to have a male present in her life for an extended period(years) I don't pursue anything more. I do this because I can't help but feel that most likely intimacy and/or sex is way down the list of priorities for her. Am I wrong headed on this? And if so why? My next question is: "Should I perhaps try to delve more, or would that really be rude of me to keep going down this avenue with someone I hardly know"? I am still new to this forum, but can't help but chime in.  I think it makes perfect sense. Of course, it's always good to be "open" to learn more about people. But you do that - you ask questions. If they can't really justify why, then that's a red flag for you and understandably so. One has to be careful with profiles, too, though -- not all info may be accurate or paint a true picture. I was involved with men - I didn't list that fact in my profile.. lol. But, yeah -- after talking if it seems she just hasn't had a need for a man, the question is why? And why is she looking now? Could be for those reasons that get a person in trouble - for anything but actually being with a man (security, loneliness, a friend....). |
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Post by DryCreek on Feb 14, 2017 19:35:45 GMT -5
It seems I can attract men for whom I just don't feel that spark. Goddammit. Is that your X-men mutant power? I suspect @smartkat has a far more interesting superpower... ;-) |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 14, 2017 20:54:00 GMT -5
It seems I can attract men for whom I just don't feel that spark. Goddammit. Is that your X-men mutant power? LOL! Thanks - I needed a laugh today! :-) |
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Post by shamwow on Feb 14, 2017 20:55:44 GMT -5
Is that your X-men mutant power? LOL! Thanks - I needed a laugh today! :-) In SM world on Valentines Day, if you aren't laughing you're crying... |
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 14, 2017 21:02:59 GMT -5
LOL! Thanks - I needed a laugh today! :-) In SM world on Valentines Day, if you aren't laughing you're crying... That, or you just avoid it. Treat it for what it is, just another Tues. I avoided the media today so I wasn't infiltrated with all the Valentines sales rhetoric. |
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endthegame
Junior Member
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Age Range: 46-50
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Post by endthegame on Feb 15, 2017 14:01:25 GMT -5
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Post by nancyb on Feb 17, 2017 7:53:01 GMT -5
^^ This is a gift. Thank you Fiery.
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Post by nancyb on Feb 17, 2017 8:33:36 GMT -5
The man that has asked me to dinner at his house is divorced like me. He's a decade younger but I am not bothered by that. We met through mutual friends last summer but he called out of the blue last week. I am being pursued actually and I'm loving it. I am staying over at his home this weekend. He lives 2.5 hours north of me so it just makes sense. I am really nervous and bringing condoms just in case. He's a really nice man. |
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I think it makes perfect sense. Of course, it's always good to be "open" to learn more about people. But you do that - you ask questions. If they can't really justify why, then that's a red flag for you and understandably so. One has to be careful with profiles, too, though -- not all info may be accurate or paint a true picture. I was involved with men - I didn't list that fact in my profile.. lol. But, yeah -- after talking if it seems she just hasn't had a need for a man, the question is why? And why is she looking now? Could be for those reasons that get a person in trouble - for anything but actually being with a man (security, loneliness, a friend....). 
