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Post by lwoetin on Apr 27, 2016 23:46:44 GMT -5
Most of the time I'm good. I walk on egg shells. I avoid conflict (I'm horrible with confrontation. I freeze up and people scream at me like I'm stupid). We happily ignore each other and its all good. but some days, are just bad. It seems like its all just too much and I hide in the bathroom and cry. I force myself to not make too much noise so my roommates don't suspect anything and report me. I hope you will have your freedom some day. Your kids need your attention and you are also surrounded by wacky people. It is overwhelming I'm sure. You are free to cry here if you want. We won't report you (to who?). |
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lass1
Junior Member
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Post by lass1 on Apr 28, 2016 11:04:15 GMT -5
If i talk to my grandma, she either gets an upset stomach or she kind of understands my husbands POV. If I tell my aunt, she gets mad. If I tell me great aunt then she just tells me how she knows I can do everything by myself. She doesn't understand how hard and complicated everything really is.
Some days like today, the pain just feels crippling. but I have to pretend that theres nothing wrong.
How do you guys handle days like today?
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To dartiprose.
It's so sad and disheartening. We are made to feel like we are imagining things.
We feel less liked/loved by our loved ones and for me at least it's made me more detached from my family.
My husband is the sun in my family too, everybody lives him. This makes me realise how little I'm worth when my complaints are ignored because they value him more or see him as someone more likely to be useful to them.
As for handling it......there no way to handle it but to leave. Honestly.
But that presents a whole other set of problems and recriminations from it.
Rather than solve a problem it just extends proportionately from more digging you do to resolve the fact your not getting any attention.
My advice.....just swallow it. No matter what decision you finally take you'll have to swallow your pain and pride. Might as well start early.
Maybe that's not what you need to hear but until you become strong enough to carry out anything you decide you need to bide your time. That's tough.
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lass1
Junior Member
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Post by lass1 on Apr 28, 2016 11:07:34 GMT -5
Yup, hateful sexlessness is one thing. A racist is something else. But a racist that hates YOUR race is over the top. Creelunion......I didn't get he was racist to her? That's awful. Tbh, I can barely get used to this site after leaving EP( can't even figure how to respond to a set persons response like I see others |
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Apr 28, 2016 21:39:28 GMT -5
Yup, hateful sexlessness is one thing. A racist is something else. But a racist that hates YOUR race is over the top. Creelunion......I didn't get he was racist to her? That's awful. Tbh, I can barely get used to this site after leaving EP( can't even figure how to respond to a set persons response like I see others Looks like you responded to this one just fine!! |
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Post by solodriver on Aug 16, 2016 21:00:35 GMT -5
I don't let on that I'm lonely in a SM. I save my tears for when I go to bed. I smile and try to be friendly to everyone. I do get a lot of compliments on my smile and friendliness. My feeling is that there are so many people who are angry and uncaring, that I want to be the person who might make your day brighter and I try very hard to do that, even though inside me, I hurt, am lonely and am unloved.
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Post by unmatched on Sept 2, 2016 1:10:29 GMT -5
I don't let on that I'm lonely in a SM. I save my tears for when I go to bed. I smile and try to be friendly to everyone. I do get a lot of compliments on my smile and friendliness. My feeling is that there are so many people who are angry and uncaring, that I want to be the person who might make your day brighter and I try very hard to do that, even though inside me, I hurt, am lonely and am unloved. You know what makes my day brighter? When somebody tells me something that is real. It doesn't have to be happy, or sad or even something that is particularly interesting to me. Just something that says This is who I am right now. Then I feel like I have actually connected with somebody and stopped skating around on the surface trying to pretend everything is shiny and plastic and new. |
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Post by deleted on Sept 2, 2016 7:22:15 GMT -5
I don't let on that I'm lonely in a SM. I save my tears for when I go to bed. I smile and try to be friendly to everyone. I do get a lot of compliments on my smile and friendliness. My feeling is that there are so many people who are angry and uncaring, that I want to be the person who might make your day brighter and I try very hard to do that, even though inside me, I hurt, am lonely and am unloved. I can dig this. I'm really good at putting on a game face. Most people that I know are clueless about my anxiety and depression issues. Select few know about my sexless marriage. Those select few are shocked to learn this and are even more surprised at how well I hide it and keep all of it together. I love life. It's a gift, but most days, if the Lord called me home, I would be ready to go. All I want is a little bit of loving and some appreciation for what I do. Most of the time, I feel like a lonely, money making machine used to fund my family's good time activities. That's a shit feeling. |
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Sept 2, 2016 7:48:20 GMT -5
I don't let on that I'm lonely in a SM. I save my tears for when I go to bed. I smile and try to be friendly to everyone. I do get a lot of compliments on my smile and friendliness. My feeling is that there are so many people who are angry and uncaring, that I want to be the person who might make your day brighter and I try very hard to do that, even though inside me, I hurt, am lonely and am unloved. I can dig this. I'm really good at putting on a game face. Most people that I know are clueless about my anxiety and depression issues. Select few know about my sexless marriage. Those select few are shocked to learn this and are even more surprised at how well I hide it and keep all of it together. I love life. It's a gift, but most days, if the Lord called me home, I would be ready to go. All I want is a little bit of loving and some appreciation for what I do. Most of the time, I feel like a lonely, money making machine used to fund my family's good time activities. That's a shit feeling. I am forced to put on a smile as the W will not tolerate ME being unhappy....that's her domain...asong as I bring home the goods... My anger, bitterness, and despair come out on these boards... |
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Post by robert1971 on Sept 5, 2016 18:42:06 GMT -5
I hide and cry too. It's best that I keep my unhappiness to myself. Expressing it would cause too much disruption. My youngest son (22) is bipolar and any sign of unhappiness will start things going backward. Female friends, I have some nice ladies I hang out with, but a close confidant, no. I don't trust anyone. The loneliness is horrible. I get my social fix by going to the gym every day. At least I'm not shopping! My Lululemon collection is quite large. I do the same. I maintain my sanity in that regard by working out six days a week. Totally get it. 😔 |
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Post by csl on Sept 5, 2016 22:02:58 GMT -5
I am forced to put on a smile as the W will not tolerate ME being unhappy....that's her domain...asong as I bring home the goods... My anger, bitterness, and despair come out on these boards... "won't tolerate you being unhappy"? What is it, 'whining will continue until you are happy'? If you're unhappy, don't let her hide you behind a facade. As the old saying goes, 'tell the truth and shame the devil.' |
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Post by baza on Sept 5, 2016 23:08:13 GMT -5
Point of order here.
No-one "forces" you to put on a smile / act.
That's a choice.
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And if you make that choice, then consequences ensue.
If you are doing a reasonable job of carrying off the facade, then how on earth is your spouse to know that you are deeply unhappy.
How are your friends supposed to know ?
How is your family supposed to know ?
How is anyone (who might be of support to you) supposed to know ?
How do you even know yourself, if you are repressing your feelings and bunging on an act that everything is ok ?
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Personally, I am a great believer in trying different strategies.
Thing is, as you discover a particular strategy is not producing decent outcomes, then it is smart to scrub that strategy, and try something different.
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Is this strategy of putting on an act working for you ?
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sufferinhubby
Junior Member
My marriage is not a tragedy. It's more like a romantic comedy without the romance
Posts: 67 
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by sufferinhubby on Sept 13, 2016 11:37:34 GMT -5
I force myself to not make too much noise so my roommates don't suspect anything and report me. I empathize completely darktippedrose but I'm a little confused. What is your situation that you are married and living with room mates who might "report you"? And what racism is CreelUnion referring to? As far as how I handle those kinds of days? Avoidance. Go somewhere and do something away from him. It doesn't solve much but it may help clear your head. Also, find a friend. Confide in that person. People here can be great confidants btw. |
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Post by becca on Sept 13, 2016 11:54:14 GMT -5
I don't let on that I'm lonely in a SM. I save my tears for when I go to bed. I smile and try to be friendly to everyone. I do get a lot of compliments on my smile and friendliness. My feeling is that there are so many people who are angry and uncaring, that I want to be the person who might make your day brighter and I try very hard to do that, even though inside me, I hurt, am lonely and am unloved. You know what makes my day brighter? When somebody tells me something that is real. It doesn't have to be happy, or sad or even something that is particularly interesting to me. Just something that says This is who I am right now. Then I feel like I have actually connected with somebody and stopped skating around on the surface trying to pretend everything is shiny and plastic and new. I can completely related to this. "when everything feels like the movies, you just bleed to know you're alive"...or something like that. |
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Sept 13, 2016 15:56:29 GMT -5
You know what makes my day brighter? When somebody tells me something that is real. It doesn't have to be happy, or sad or even something that is particularly interesting to me. Just something that says This is who I am right now. Then I feel like I have actually connected with somebody and stopped skating around on the surface trying to pretend everything is shiny and plastic and new. I can completely related to this. "when everything feels like the movies, you just bleed to know you're alive"...or something like that. Goo-goo dolls.....from Buffalo!! Song...Iris |
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Post by darktippedrose on Sept 14, 2016 1:19:29 GMT -5
I force myself to not make too much noise so my roommates don't suspect anything and report me. I empathize completely darktippedrose but I'm a little confused. What is your situation that you are married and living with room mates who might "report you"? And what racism is CreelUnion referring to? As far as how I handle those kinds of days? Avoidance. Go somewhere and do something away from him. It doesn't solve much but it may help clear your head. Also, find a friend. Confide in that person. People here can be great confidants btw. My husband friend and his wife were living with us. His wife ended up going to an appointment. She never came back and several months later I contacted her sister. She's living with her family again. I wasn't allowed to ask about her because it was none of my business but I was still worried about her. Her and her husband had problems. Now its just his friend and he worked with my son through the state. He got paid more hours than he put in. my son ran out of hours and he hans't gotten another job and is now no longer paying the rent he said he would. le sigh as for racism, sometimes my husband is racist against me or says not so nice things to me because I'm half white and half arab. Sometimes i'm not white enough, sometimes I'm too white or too western, not arab enough, or he'll get mad at me for acting Arab when I never met my father. I hope that clears it up for you. |
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