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Post by darktippedrose on Apr 25, 2016 18:23:34 GMT -5
Most of the time I'm good. I walk on egg shells. I avoid conflict (I'm horrible with confrontation. I freeze up and people scream at me like I'm stupid). We happily ignore each other and its all good.
but some days, are just bad. It seems like its all just too much and I hide in the bathroom and cry. I force myself to not make too much noise so my roommates don't suspect anything and report me.
the pain and the loneliness are too much. I don't really have a lot of female friends. the only females I've befriended have either stabbed me in the back, or they want to marry/f**k my husband. SO i kind of avoid any real life friendships.
my grandma enjoys political and religious debates with my husband. blah blah blah.
If i talk to my grandma, she either gets an upset stomach or she kind of understands my husbands POV. If I tell my aunt, she gets mad. If I tell me great aunt then she just tells me how she knows I can do everything by myself. She doesn't understand how hard and complicated everything really is.
Some days like today, the pain just feels crippling. but I have to pretend that theres nothing wrong.
How do you guys handle days like today?
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Post by unmatched on Apr 25, 2016 18:33:15 GMT -5
Rose, I have to admit I don't think I could handle half of what you seem to. And I am not sure there is any way to handle it long term without getting sick or mentally scarred. How long do you have to stick this out?
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Post by darktippedrose on Apr 25, 2016 18:37:07 GMT -5
i have no idea. I was wanting a divorce when the kidz get older. But since my husband is controlling, I know he'll stoop pretty low to keep the kidz from me. He doesn't want to pay childsupport on 3 more kidz. He has 2 older children that he pays for.
i guess I can pray for him to drop dead sometime in the future.
I have no idea.
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Post by bballgirl on Apr 25, 2016 18:41:08 GMT -5
Seriously, I'll be praying for him to drop dead!
Hang in there! Hugs!
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Post by unmatched on Apr 25, 2016 18:42:02 GMT -5
Do you live anywhere near a women's shelter? You don't need to go in and claim asylum but I am sure there would be people there you could talk to and find out what options there might be for support. I know it is a huge thing to contemplate and it would not be at all easy, but you might find there are some ways out of this that you don't know about or haven't considered.
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Post by Isabellas39 on Apr 25, 2016 19:05:39 GMT -5
I second what unmatched said because your situation is just more than most can take...It's definitely more than the sexlessness that's an issue..
In terms of how I deal with my bad days...I get lost in games, cleaning, or reading stories on here..Some times distracting myself works and there are times when it's not enough...
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Post by TMD on Apr 25, 2016 19:35:32 GMT -5
I third unmatched 's suggestion about seeking support. Maybe group support with other women living in similar situation? |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 25, 2016 20:55:34 GMT -5
Yup, hateful sexlessness is one thing. A racist is something else. But a racist that hates YOUR race is over the top.
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Post by darktippedrose on Apr 26, 2016 1:21:22 GMT -5
I'm starting counseling. It starts for real, not just the Q & A this saturday. I'm looking forward to it. Some days are just harder than others. I don't know why. Sometimes its just random.
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Post by Rhapsodee on Apr 26, 2016 1:39:50 GMT -5
I hide and cry too. It's best that I keep my unhappiness to myself. Expressing it would cause too much disruption. My youngest son (22) is bipolar and any sign of unhappiness will start things going backward.
Female friends, I have some nice ladies I hang out with, but a close confidant, no. I don't trust anyone. The loneliness is horrible. I get my social fix by going to the gym every day. At least I'm not shopping! My Lululemon collection is quite large.
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Post by unmatched on Apr 26, 2016 1:53:25 GMT -5
I'm starting counseling. It starts for real, not just the Q & A this saturday. I'm looking forward to it. Some days are just harder than others. I don't know why. Sometimes its just random. I am really glad you are starting counselling. Sometimes having an external viewpoint can make a huge difference and open up all kinds of new ideas. I hope it goes well. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 26, 2016 8:07:19 GMT -5
I'm starting counseling. It starts for real, not just the Q & A this saturday. I'm looking forward to it. Some days are just harder than others. I don't know why. Sometimes its just random. I hope counseling will be a safe haven for you. For me, it's an incredible relief to have one place that is just about me - I can say anything I want, feel anyway I want and I'm not judged for it. I don't know why some days just seem harder - this happens to me, too and it's not always because of something obvious. Some days I just wake up feeling vulnerable and everything just hurts more than usual. I usually go for a walk or a run, come here or read a book - some kind of distraction. I'm not sure how much you are able to escape with three little ones to care for - are they old enough for you to take them to the playground where you can just sit and relax while they play? Will they watch a movie while you read a book? Can you leave them for a while with your roommates and get out of the house for a while? For me, the hardest thing is that when I'm feeling that way, what I want more than anything is to just be held by someone who loves me. Not having that wordless expression of love makes my heart hurt and makes me feel completely alone. Nothing really helps that very much. Coming here and reading or writing gives me some relief, but for the most part, I just have to wait it out. I hope today is better for you Rose! Sending you a virtual hug! |
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Post by darktippedrose on Apr 26, 2016 14:04:11 GMT -5
today is a bit better. physicaly I'm feeling down. I feel something coming on. a little bit of a sore that, chills, feeliing blah. probably gonna lay down in a wee bit.
thanx.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 26, 2016 19:04:11 GMT -5
((hugs)) I agree with the advice about talking to people at a women's shelter - not necessarily to go live there, but to get advice. People who work in those places are familiar with all the ways that a partner can be abusive and controlling, and they have a lot of knowledge. And DO keep on with your counseling.
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Post by darktippedrose on Apr 27, 2016 15:33:10 GMT -5
thank you SmartKat. I deeply appreciate it.
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