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Post by tamara68 on Feb 10, 2017 12:46:32 GMT -5
This morning court meeting. The intention was to have decisions made on financial issues and on custody of my daughter.
My husbands' lawyer showed up far too late, so when we finally could start, the judge gave her a scolding. She had also send her part of the documents too late to the judge, so he wasn't pleased.
The prosecutor was in favor for custody for me. But the judge had his doubts about implementation because my daughter has said she doesn't want to live with me.
There are also some school problems, my stbx doesn't give the impression of handling that well, so I think that is in favor of me as well.
About finances, my lawyer pointed out that the calculation that my husbands lawyer had made was ridiculous because that meant that he wanted about 100% of my salary. I think the judge thought that was ridiculous too, but he didn't say much about that. He just inquired about a few details and asked about the activities of stbx about trying to get his own income. I don't think the judge was impressed with stbx, but maybe also not that impressed with me because I have allowed an unhealthy environment for my daughter.
Still, all in all, I think it went well.
The verdict will be on 10th March.
Just before the court meeting my stbx came to me in the waiting room and told me how bad it is what I am doing to him. Looking hurt and angry but still without a clue about his own behavior.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2017 14:21:50 GMT -5
Keeping my fingers crossed for you!
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Post by tamara68 on Feb 10, 2017 14:55:14 GMT -5
Keeping my fingers crossed for you! Thanks  |
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Post by DryCreek on Feb 10, 2017 22:28:13 GMT -5
tamara68, it sounds like his lawyer suits him perfectly. While the judge might not be happy with the situation your daughter is in, he can hardly fault you if you have a place for her and she chooses not to come. And no, she might not be happy about staying with you (or, perhaps she will be once she's out from under H's thumb), but it's your duty to try. Of course, you need to be aware that she may report a lot of your life detail to your H. Having custody in your favor would be a good excuse to get her away from his influence, and her true preference may prove to be different then. Whether you agree that she must stay after a trial period may be a different deal. And your H's comments are classic. It's all about him, isn't it?
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Post by tamara68 on Feb 12, 2017 5:02:54 GMT -5
tamara68 , it sounds like his lawyer suits him perfectly. While the judge might not be happy with the situation your daughter is in, he can hardly fault you if you have a place for her and she chooses not to come. And no, she might not be happy about staying with you (or, perhaps she will be once she's out from under H's thumb), but it's your duty to try. Of course, you need to be aware that she may report a lot of your life detail to your H. Having custody in your favor would be a good excuse to get her away from his influence, and her true preference may prove to be different then. Whether you agree that she must stay after a trial period may be a different deal. And your H's comments are classic. It's all about him, isn't it? After court I have thought of several things that I should have told, but too late for that. I hope it was enough what I have said. I really hope she will come to stay with me. At least for part of the time. I was thinking too about her reporting about my life to her dad, but I think I can live with that. After court my lawyer told me that he normally doesn't often go along with the stories of his clients, but he has seen enough of my husband to believe me. He could imagine how stbx pissed me off regularly and make me lose my patience. I think my dear stbx has annoyed him too. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 12, 2017 10:07:31 GMT -5
tamara68 , it sounds like his lawyer suits him perfectly. While the judge might not be happy with the situation your daughter is in, he can hardly fault you if you have a place for her and she chooses not to come. And no, she might not be happy about staying with you (or, perhaps she will be once she's out from under H's thumb), but it's your duty to try. Of course, you need to be aware that she may report a lot of your life detail to your H. Having custody in your favor would be a good excuse to get her away from his influence, and her true preference may prove to be different then. Whether you agree that she must stay after a trial period may be a different deal. And your H's comments are classic. It's all about him, isn't it? After court I have thought of several things that I should have told, but too late for that. I hope it was enough what I have said. I really hope she will come to stay with me. At least for part of the time. I was thinking too about her reporting about my life to her dad, but I think I can live with that. After court my lawyer told me that he normally doesn't often go along with the stories of his clients, but he has seen enough of my husband to believe me. He could imagine how stbx pissed me off regularly and make me lose my patience. I think my dear stbx has annoyed him too. When my attorney first met me, i hesitated to use the term "narcissist" when explaining my wife. I mentioned "manipulative controller", my attorney said, "everyone who comes in for a divorce calls each other a narc! Now ,8 months later, my attorney has witnessed so many examples of her narcissism, she understands what I am up against, and what we are dealing with! Something else to consider, has your attorney worked with this judge before? Are they in good standing with each other? Has your STBX's attorney worked with this judge? Has this judge had previous cases with a H. anything like yours before? How was it handled? Your attorney could answer those and make you feel better. I am really hoping for you that once your daughter is away from the control of her father, she will have the chance to see, and meet the real you, like a fresh new start! On a side note, my attorney knows the judge, claims he is excellent! Meanwhile my W's new attorney has never done a divorce case, this is her first. She is sending me documents to fill out from 03'. My attorney tells me," ignore this, this, and this, these documents are out of date, no one uses them any more", with a grin and a chuckle. The only down side was my attorney said, "I have never worked with this new attorney, so I am not familiar with her tactics, behavior, or attitude, I don't know what she will be like." I'm thinking, "I bet the judge won't care for much of it either!" |
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Post by McRoomMate on Feb 12, 2017 10:51:39 GMT -5
tamara68 I wish you Courage and Strength in these trying days. God bless and stay strong.
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Post by tamara68 on Feb 12, 2017 11:09:20 GMT -5
tamara68 I wish you Courage and Strength in these trying days. God bless and stay strong. thanks! |
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Post by tamara68 on Feb 12, 2017 11:19:47 GMT -5
When my attorney first met me, i hesitated to use the term "narcissist" when explaining my wife. I mentioned "manipulative controller", my attorney said, "everyone who comes in for a divorce calls each other a narc! Now ,8 months later, my attorney has witnessed so many examples of her narcissism, she understands what I am up against, and what we are dealing with! Something else to consider, has your attorney worked with this judge before? Are they in good standing with each other? Has your STBX's attorney worked with this judge? Has this judge had previous cases with a H. anything like yours before? How was it handled? Your attorney could answer those and make you feel better. I am really hoping for you that once your daughter is away from the control of her father, she will have the chance to see, and meet the real you, like a fresh new start! On a side note, my attorney knows the judge, claims he is excellent! Meanwhile my W's new attorney has never done a divorce case, this is her first. She is sending me documents to fill out from 03'. My attorney tells me," ignore this, this, and this, these documents are out of date, no one uses them any more", with a grin and a chuckle. The only down side was my attorney said, "I have never worked with this new attorney, so I am not familiar with her tactics, behavior, or attitude, I don't know what she will be like." I'm thinking, "I bet the judge won't care for much of it either!" My stbx has sent a few e-mails to my lawyer to lecture him. And my lawyer has seen all the e-mails stbx sent to me, that made it pretty clear to him how weird my husband is. Initially my lawyer was a bit distant, very factual and practical, but after a few months witnessing my lunatic husband, my lawyer has become a little more personal. He has never seen anything like this, and my description of only a few examples of the controlling and obsessive behavior made it perfectly understandable that I have left my husband. Also it is clear for him that my daughter is better of with me. He doesn't just say that as my lawyer. I hope it is clear for the judge as well. I don't know if my lawyer knows the judge, but it is very likely that he has worked with him before. My husbands lawyer is a few years younger and a woman. I have understood that older male lawyers are treated with more respect by judges than younger and female lawyers. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 12, 2017 11:34:54 GMT -5
When my attorney first met me, i hesitated to use the term "narcissist" when explaining my wife. I mentioned "manipulative controller", my attorney said, "everyone who comes in for a divorce calls each other a narc! Now ,8 months later, my attorney has witnessed so many examples of her narcissism, she understands what I am up against, and what we are dealing with! Something else to consider, has your attorney worked with this judge before? Are they in good standing with each other? Has your STBX's attorney worked with this judge? Has this judge had previous cases with a H. anything like yours before? How was it handled? Your attorney could answer those and make you feel better. I am really hoping for you that once your daughter is away from the control of her father, she will have the chance to see, and meet the real you, like a fresh new start! On a side note, my attorney knows the judge, claims he is excellent! Meanwhile my W's new attorney has never done a divorce case, this is her first. She is sending me documents to fill out from 03'. My attorney tells me," ignore this, this, and this, these documents are out of date, no one uses them any more", with a grin and a chuckle. The only down side was my attorney said, "I have never worked with this new attorney, so I am not familiar with her tactics, behavior, or attitude, I don't know what she will be like." I'm thinking, "I bet the judge won't care for much of it either!" My stbx has sent a few e-mails to my lawyer to lecture him. And my lawyer has seen all the e-mails stbx sent to me, that made it pretty clear to him how weird my husband is. Initially my lawyer was a bit distant, very factual and practical, but after a few months witnessing my lunatic husband, my lawyer has become a little more personal. He has never seen anything like this, and my description of only a few examples of the controlling and obsessive behavior made it perfectly understandable that I have left my husband. Also it is clear for him that my daughter is better of with me. He doesn't just say that as my lawyer. I hope it is clear for the judge as well. I don't know if my lawyer knows the judge, but it is very likely that he has worked with him before. My husbands lawyer is a few years younger and a woman. I have understood that older male lawyers are treated with more respect by judges than younger and female lawyers. Think of it this way, Judges got their start as attorneys. If your attorney finds a lot of favor, sympathy, and justice for you, and finds your H. to be like nothing he has seen before, the judge will take the same approach. Maybe your attorney and the judge are old drinking buddies!! |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 12, 2017 21:33:00 GMT -5
Good luck, tamara68. I'll be thinking of you. |
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Post by leifericson on Feb 27, 2017 20:56:36 GMT -5
Your husband is so bizarre and his behavior so outrageous that I can't believe the court will rule in his favor. Stay strong, you will prevail.
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Post by tamara68 on Feb 28, 2017 4:33:42 GMT -5
Your husband is so bizarre and his behavior so outrageous that I can't believe the court will rule in his favor. Stay strong, you will prevail. I think it is most likely that a judge will rule most in my favor, but we do are still officially married and he still has no income. Also he has said in court that he is not able to work and handed a docter's note to confirm that. However he has not applied for an allowance on that grounds. The judge will have to take all in consideration. The fact that we are not true Belgians yet makes it more complicated. According to my lawyer it is a unique situation. I expect a judge will tell me to pay some alimony for my stbx. The rent is a whole different subject and being married or not doesn't make a difference. My signature is on the contract. I have no idea what the judge is going to say about that. |
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