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Post by Chatter Fox on Feb 11, 2017 20:24:45 GMT -5
I've noticed since I stopped trying to "impress" my H, I guess about 3 months ago, he seems to be increasingly more interested in me. In pretty much everything / anything I'm doing. Kind of a strange and surprising twist. I didn't deliberately decide one day, "this is it...... I don't give a f*ck what he thinks", it just happened right after the last miserable reset. The same day, I stopped wearing my wedding ring. This realization didn't even come to me until recently when I realized what subconsciously I was doing, or not doing. Maybe he's some sort of masochist. I mean, I've always gone above and beyond with him, yet, it seams, the less energy I put into him, the more he puts into me. For those trying everything to get that "spark" back, maybe this is a tactic to try. I for one don't believe any tactics work long term in the vast majority of these situations, but that's just me. Over the years I DID try anything and everything to get him interested - from the way I dressed, color of my hair, height of my heels, yes lingerie - no lingerie, make a lot of money, make no money, be nicer, quieter, funnier, blah blah blah. My god it was exhausting (not to mention pathetic). None of it mattered. It seems, my fairly new, natural disinterest is what he has wanted all along. Oh man! Spot... on! For me, the only thing that worked was no longer caring about the fate of my marriage. As odd as it sounds, my marriage improved to manageable status once I decided I could care less if I stayed married. It wasn't something I could have faked either. I had to truly own my apathy in order for it to "work". Ironically though, just as it was for you, it wasn't a tactic for me. It was just reality... plain and simple. I was done. Then... and only then... did she wake the fuck up. It's kind of a slap in the face when you realize that's what it takes to get through to them, huh? That was almost 2 years ago. I'm still married and things are going ok ever since I hit that point of true apathy. I'm still suspicious of the longevity of this turn around but at least now I drew my line in the sand and she can't pretend she didn't know the consequences or pretend that she wasn't aware how serious of a problem this situation has been for me. |
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Post by lyn on Feb 12, 2017 2:49:58 GMT -5
McRoomMate Oh I was hoping your "reset" might not have been a reset, but it looks like that's exactly what it was. Being patted like a cat - such is simple thing can be so demoralizing. Just keep getting your ducks in a row - find a diff job, and honestly, even if you're not leaving for what could be months, I'd talk to an attorney just so you know where you will stand financially, and with regard to the children. Have you come right out and asked her wtf happened to this new chapter in your marriage? Where both of you are trying? If you're at the point where I am, this is probably the last thing you feel like doing - talking about this crap for the millionth time. I know I just can't go there again. Every time I've tried to talk to him over the years, he rarely says much of anything other than, "I know, I will make more of an effort". Then, usually "reset" sex follows - by the next day - it's like it never happened. Yet, it can leave a person (me) regretting the talk, regretting the reset sex, regretting it all. Feels pretty terrible to have to remind your spouse that there should be sex and intimacy, and then have them do nothing about it. At least yours doesn't hover around you - it's suffocating to say the least. Those ducks I mentioned? As soon as mine are in a row, I am gone - enough is enough.
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Post by lyn on Feb 12, 2017 2:54:00 GMT -5
I've noticed since I stopped trying to "impress" my H, I guess about 3 months ago, he seems to be increasingly more interested in me. In pretty much everything / anything I'm doing. Kind of a strange and surprising twist. I didn't deliberately decide one day, "this is it...... I don't give a f*ck what he thinks", it just happened right after the last miserable reset. The same day, I stopped wearing my wedding ring. This realization didn't even come to me until recently when I realized what subconsciously I was doing, or not doing. Maybe he's some sort of masochist. I mean, I've always gone above and beyond with him, yet, it seams, the less energy I put into him, the more he puts into me. For those trying everything to get that "spark" back, maybe this is a tactic to try. I for one don't believe any tactics work long term in the vast majority of these situations, but that's just me. Over the years I DID try anything and everything to get him interested - from the way I dressed, color of my hair, height of my heels, yes lingerie - no lingerie, make a lot of money, make no money, be nicer, quieter, funnier, blah blah blah. My god it was exhausting (not to mention pathetic). None of it mattered. It seems, my fairly new, natural disinterest is what he has wanted all along. Oh man! Spot... on! For me, the only thing that worked was no longer caring about the fate of my marriage. As odd as it sounds, my marriage improved to manageable status once I decided I could care less if I stayed married. It wasn't something I could have faked either. I had to truly own my apathy in order for it to "work". Ironically though, just as it was for you, it wasn't a tactic for me. It was just reality... plain and simple. I was done. Then... and only then... did she wake the fuck up. It's kind of a slap in the face when you realize that's what it takes to get through to them, huh? That was almost 2 years ago. I'm still married and things are going ok ever since I hit that point of true apathy. I'm still suspicious of the longevity of this turn around but at least now I drew my line in the sand and she can't pretend she didn't know the consequences or pretend that she wasn't aware how serious of a problem this situation has been for me. Sounds like we are kind of in the same boat Chatter Fox - but it also sounds like maybe yours has turned around? Is it enough for you? Living apathetic really isn't living - least that's what I think. |
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Post by McRoomMate on Feb 12, 2017 9:42:33 GMT -5
McRoomMate Oh I was hoping your "reset" might not have been a reset, but it looks like that's exactly what it was. Being patted like a cat - such is simple thing can be so demoralizing. Just keep getting your ducks in a row - find a diff job, and honestly, even if you're not leaving for what could be months, I'd talk to an attorney just so you know where you will stand financially, and with regard to the children. Have you come right out and asked her wtf happened to this new chapter in your marriage? Where both of you are trying? If you're at the point where I am, this is probably the last thing you feel like doing - talking about this crap for the millionth time. I know I just can't go there again. Every time I've tried to talk to him over the years, he rarely says much of anything other than, "I know, I will make more of an effort". Then, usually "reset" sex follows - by the next day - it's like it never happened. Yet, it can leave a person (me) regretting the talk, regretting the reset sex, regretting it all. Feels pretty terrible to have to remind your spouse that there should be sex and intimacy, and then have them do nothing about it. At least yours doesn't hover around you - it's suffocating to say the least. Those ducks I mentioned? As soon as mine are in a row, I am gone - enough is enough. I feel like you are reading my mind. Unbelievable - yes I feel exactly the same way - no I am not, I just cannot talk about it. It should be FREAKING OBVIOUS - if I have to remind then I am just not even going to bother. I have several job interviews lined up - I even have a lady friend of mine doing "magick" to help me find a job LOL (she offered and apparently has good luck and its free). Well it seems like Reset. We are not fighting or arguing - it has been really peaceful - but then again it was sort of peaceful before. It was amazing how this tailed off so fast. We will see tonight. We will see on Valentines Day. I loved reading your post and advice very supportive and appreciate it really very very much. Finally - I like the new photo for your Avatar. |
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