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Post by shamwow on Feb 5, 2017 19:34:03 GMT -5
I kinda think the idea of the guy as the stoic warrior is crap... At least in my case.
I am a warrior in the tradition of the warrior poets or Samauri of old. Passionate, powerful, and capable of much more than swinging a club.
Most guys stick around because we've been raised to take care of our own. As for why the ladies stay? I'll let them chime in.
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Post by DryCreek on Feb 5, 2017 21:17:42 GMT -5
Interesting pair of articles. On the one hand, the article on women is interesting. But the one about guys... it's mostly crap.
Stereotypically / statistically (i.e., no, not all guys...), I think guys file less frequently because of a few reasons:
* Compartmentalizing. Shutting out the part of life that's shit, maybe diving deeper in other activities to avoid dealing with the reality. Avoiding confrontation by ignoring the problem.
* Emotional bonding is less essential - they miss it, but it doesn't eat at them like it does for many women.
* Fear of the financial impact. Especially in a stay-at-home-mom situation, guys are facing a stiff financial penalty and it's a real deterrent.
So, say what you like about the "warrior" persona, but I think the real answer is much simpler. It's a lot more about the points above than it is about guys having noble reasons or more staying power than women.
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Post by baza on Feb 5, 2017 22:52:16 GMT -5
In my jurisdiction, the overall divorce stats say that of every 5 divorces, 4 of them are instigated by the wife.
My own time specifically on this forum and its' predecessor, the figures are pretty much the same. Of every 6 divorces, 5 are instigated by the wife.
One could speculate "why" this is endlessly I think, but it is what it is.
Personally, I think it is because women are far more likely to honour their feelings by taking the appropriate actions when faced with a dud relationships, whereas blokes are not. Blokes generally do not leave marriages unless they have another woman teed up, or think that they are a good chance of picking up another.
Whereas women will leave an ILIASM shithole because it is an ILIASM shithole.
(Interestingly enough, recent stories on here are going against the trend.
There are two blokes who are pulling the pin at this moment and as far as is known, neither is doing so to be with another woman. Rather, they are leaving their respective shitholes because they are shitholes)
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Post by shamwow on Feb 6, 2017 6:55:42 GMT -5
In my jurisdiction, the overall divorce stats say that of every 5 divorces, 4 of them are instigated by the wife. My own time specifically on this forum and its' predecessor, the figures are pretty much the same. Of every 6 divorces, 5 are instigated by the wife. One could speculate "why" this is endlessly I think, but it is what it is. Personally, I think it is because women are far more likely to honour their feelings by taking the appropriate actions when faced with a dud relationships, whereas blokes are not. Blokes generally do not leave marriages unless they have another woman teed up, or think that they are a good chance of picking up another. Whereas women will leave an ILIASM shithole because it is an ILIASM shithole. (Interestingly enough, recent stories on here are going against the trend. There are two blokes who are pulling the pin at this moment and as far as is known, neither is doing so to be with another woman. Rather, they are leaving their respective shitholes because they are shitholes) Assuming I'm one of the blokes in question?  And I'm not sure why it's different for me, but the signature on every one of my posts is pretty much the motto I live by. Once I figure out what I want, I just do it. It's kind of the way I'm wired. I'm kind of a weird bird. Also, it really helps that my situation is most likely going to be amicable. It's easier to pull the pin when you know the grenade isn't likely filled with TNT. |
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Post by Dan on Feb 6, 2017 17:18:22 GMT -5
Interesting pair of articles. On the one hand, the article on women is interesting. But the one about guys... it's mostly crap. I'm with DryCreek on this one. While the article on women didn't really describe *my* wife, I "see" what it is trying to say, and it lines up with many women I know. So I give it a rating of "moderately accurate; a tiny bit useful". But the one on men just seemed to be random schlock. You know, if something sounds 50% correct, that isn't saying much: if you guessed randomly on a true-false quiz, you're also expected to get at least 50% right.... so it isn't saying much about the article if it seems to get "at least a few statements about men correct". |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2017 23:39:33 GMT -5
Interesting pair of articles. On the one hand, the article on women is interesting. But the one about guys... it's mostly crap. Stereotypically / statistically (i.e., no, not all guys...), I think guys file less frequently because of a few reasons: * Compartmentalizing. Shutting out the part of life that's shit, maybe diving deeper in other activities to avoid dealing with the reality. Avoiding confrontation by ignoring the problem. * Emotional bonding is less essential - they miss it, but it doesn't eat at them like it does for many women. * Fear of the financial impact. Especially in a stay-at-home-mom situation, guys are facing a stiff financial penalty and it's a real deterrent. So, say what you like about the "warrior" persona, but I think the real answer is much simpler. It's a lot more about the points above than it is about guys having noble reasons or more staying power than women. I agree with this assessment. Men do get stuck for these reasons. Some stay for their kids as well, knowing they'll never get full custody. I've also known men who stay because they like having someone to keep a "home" for them, someone to cook meals and do their laundry. I'm not knocking these reasons. Just saying. As for the article on women, it rings true for me. I've definitely experienced (and allowed) neglect and other worse behavior from my husband for too many years. My bad. It takes a damn long time to muster the courage to break out. As a stay at home, I can't say it's easier though for me to leave than it would be for a man. I have no means to support myself (yet). I'm working on it. But getting those means was a multi-year plan for me. |
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