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Post by rejected101 on Feb 5, 2017 13:14:51 GMT -5
I remember a time when me and the wife were at our worst and argued about sex. I was left on a few occasions feeling incredibly guilty and almost ashamed of myself when things like "all you ever think about is sex" or "it feels like I'm under pressure to have sex on any night that we are in together" were said. Having reflected on her words I remember backing off completely and thinking, I don't want to be that man who pressures his wife, who makes her feel used or insignificant or he ends up making her feel that she is just somewhere to put my dick when I fancy it'. After quite some time of being the most patient and understanding man alive ever (around 1.5 years that is), I realised that I felt something quite ironic. When she is in total control and simply fucks me when she really fancies a fuck, when there is no room for it other than those occasions, I felt like I was just a dick to hop on when she was horny and this I felt exactly how I was desperate not to make her feel. The difference being is she didn't seem to give 2 shits how I felt. Does that make any sense to anyone and has anyone experienced that same sort of feeling?
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Post by worksforme2 on Feb 5, 2017 18:25:25 GMT -5
I experienced the same, complete with "all you think about is sex",or "don't, I don't like to be man handled". And there were plenty more as I initiated quite often even though the refusals left me very frustrated.
Women are supposed to like foreplay, or so my experience had led to believe. My X's version of foreplay consisted of walking up to me in her panties or sometimes nude and announcing "I'm in the mood", turning and walking back to the bedroom. Pretty romantic huh...
I actually refused her once when she walked up, picked up the TV remote, turned off the program I was watching and stated "I'm in the mood" and turned back to the bedroom. I picked up the remote, returned to watching the program and left her alone in the bedroom. Later she came out, got ready for bed and went to the guest bedroom. It was the only time I ever refused her.
A couple days past and she ask out of the blue, "did I feel better for having gotten even for some of the times she had refused me"? I replied it wasn't about getting even at all, it was about respect. She had nothing more to say.
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Post by iceman on Feb 6, 2017 9:26:48 GMT -5
That's a very accurate way of looking at the situation. While it happens extremely infrequently and my wife isn't quite as upfront about the times she's in the mood or at least agreeable to sex she is completely in control and I am supposed to respond. I would have no problem with that as I think if one's spouse expresses a desire for sex unless there is some physical reason, or a really extreme emotional reason, you should be receptive and be happy to do so. They have expressed a need to you that is very personal and one that bonds you together as a couple. You're the only person that can (Or at least should be the only person) satisfy that need. To reject them when that desire has been expressed is unbelievably hurtful. There is also a certain trust that has to exist that you aren't going to expect sex when the other person is obviously physically or emotionally unable to have sex. The problem is that with my wife it's a one way street. When I express my desire and need to have sex I'm almost always rejected. After a while I start to feel used and not quite so receptive.
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Post by rejected101 on Feb 6, 2017 11:25:25 GMT -5
That's a very accurate way of looking at the situation. While it happens extremely infrequently and my wife isn't quite as upfront about the times she's in the mood or at least agreeable to sex she is completely in control and I am supposed to respond. I would have no problem with that as I think if one's spouse expresses a desire for sex unless there is some physical reason, or a really extreme emotional reason, you should be receptive and be happy to do so. They have expressed a need to you that is very personal and one that bonds you together as a couple. You're the only person that can (Or at least should be the only person) satisfy that need. To reject them when that desire has been expressed is unbelievably hurtful. There is also a certain trust that has to exist that you aren't going to expect sex when the other person is obviously physically or emotionally unable to have sex. The problem is that with my wife it's a one way street. When I express my desire and need to have sex I'm almost always rejected. After a while I start to feel used and not quite so receptive. I think this is very similar to what I'm trying to say. It's almost like, if you expect/initiate sex too often for your low drive partner, there is a danger that they will feel used and or a danger that you will be classed as a pest. But if you are the low drive person and fuck your partner whenever you fancy sex, it is perfectly acceptable because you haven't pressured them in to anything. |
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Post by LITW on Feb 6, 2017 15:51:11 GMT -5
I get that feeling every day.
Back when we were still arguing about sex, my wife's entire argument revolved around her settled reasoning that anything I wanted outside of her wants was my being unreasonable at best, and being just like her ex at worst. About three years ago, I gave up arguing with her for the very reasons you state. (I dont want to be the husband that forces himself upon my wife) We don't argue about sex anymore, but that is only because I never bring it up.
I found it odd that as a result on the rare occasions we do have sex, I feel used by her because she is 100% focused on her own orgasm. Not only that, but she is visibly disappointed if I climax before she does, which is almost always the case (thanks to PE.) I hate being a disappointment. Looks like I am not the only person who experiences this, but somehow it doesn't make me feel any better ...
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