|
|
Post by snowman12345 on Feb 2, 2017 22:57:03 GMT -5
Stay with him until you deliver the baby. Focus on yourself and the baby. Seek a support network, family and friends. Go see an attorney but don't tell him. Work on your exit strategy which needs to include a DNA test so that you will get child support for the next 18 years, unless you make more then you might have to pay him in which case I wouldn't get the DNA test or acknowledge him as the father. As far as you'd marriage - he deceived you and he doesn't deserve you. Run don't walk away!! Yes, yes, yes! This 1,000 times! bballgirl is one of the wisest people here! |
|
|
|
Post by lwoetin on Feb 2, 2017 23:49:12 GMT -5
Your H is a porn addict and is trying to end it on his own. However it's obvious he can't beat his addiction. It's time you insist that he gets professional help.
Congratulations on your pregnancy. Kids are the most precious part of our lives. It was my wife's idea to start a family. I had no idea what to do with children but I was open to having them. Hopefully your H can appreciate being a father in time.
PS. We bought a dining table at IKEA a few months ago, and my son (12) and I put it together, plus four chairs. He has an addiction to video games. But a creative project took his mind off of it and he was proud to do something handy.
I watch porn sometimes, unfortunately. Imaginary sex is sometimes better than no sex.
|
|
|
|
Post by Dan on Feb 3, 2017 11:55:56 GMT -5
My example is this, we built a dresser together from ikea. It was extensive and took time. We never fought, we helped each other and built a dresser. But at the end, all we had was an empty dresser. My marriage is an empty dresser. Wow, wow. What a hauntingly sad analogy... but so apt. I die inside each time. It feels like a black hole is slowly swallowing me. EVERYONE HERE knows this feeling. We know what you are going through. I hope knowing that give you some comfort. I can't force him to want to have sex with me. I can't make him change or even care. I have zero control over my own sex life. You can't make him change: correct. You have no control over him: correct. You nave no control: not quite true. Here's what you have control over: First: focus on the pregnancy. Keep you and your baby healthy. You have control over that. You have a job: start to take control of your finances. (It might be time to set up a non-shared bank account, and start setting aside some money.) Check out simple.com: it is a fully online bank. Once they mail you your debit card, everything else is online -- and thus can be kept private from him. You can start direct depositing a few hundred per paycheck there, and save it for later, or use it for expenses you don't want him to see/track. Will you be able to take a paid maternity leave? Maybe that is the time to start you legal efforts in full. One more thing: Most our friends and family think we are just this amazing power couple. It's so far from true. It is time to let SOMEONE you know in real life know about your situation. Mom, sister, close friend, non-judgey neighbor. SOMEONE. I would bet money that they will be shocked, but they will support you... way more than you expected. This will be a great relief. This will help you realize your pain is real. And you will have one more shoulder to lean on as you move forward. |
|
|
|
Post by seabr33z3 on Feb 4, 2017 4:05:29 GMT -5
Amongst the many stories I've read here, yours is definitely one of the saddest. You are still clinging to some shreds of hope, however as the years gp by, the last of these will be severed and if you don't set yourself a target you will look back with regret over 20 or more wasted years. The only thing that you won't regret is your child, but you will grieve for what you never had, which is a truly fulfilling patnership with the one who should be the closest in all the world to you.
The one single thing that really alarms me is that you say that you went to pre marriage counseling.( I am curious for your reason for that. Was it a church based programme or was there something about your relationship that bothered you?)I think that was an excellent move but alarming in the sense that even with that precaution, that chance to put forward both of your hopes and expections, it failed. He was a liar from the beginning. He is manipulative and controlling.
I hear you saying that things are great in other ways. It's not enough. It needs to be the whole package. As the years roll by the resentment and anger and frustration that you feel will seep into every aspect of your marriage.
I don't have expertise, but it's clear to anyone that this goes beyond a porn addiction. He is using the porn as a mask for something. I wonder how his relationship is with his mother. It's nearly like hes afraid of allowing himself to view you as the willing, warm receptive sexual being that you are. The fact that he has trouble getting, let alone maintaining an erection with you speaks volumes about his psyche.
You need to seek support with some type of counseling for yourself. He does too. No matter what he tells you, he can't ' fix' this on his own.
I'm truly sorry for your situation. You have a man who doesn't respect you or your values. In time( if you don't already) you will lose respect for him. Your feelings will, as time goes by, become bitter and resentful.
Sorry for the lengthy post, but you really touched something in me. I am one who stayed hoping things would get better. They don't.
|
|
