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Post by McRoomMate on Feb 1, 2017 9:33:07 GMT -5
Beautiful post. Sublime. If I may ask - normally therapists would think of a long term project and "fixing" the marriage -experimenting with techniques etc. I am just wondering if you had an actual "honest" therapist or it was just so obvious. Was there a "coup de grace" during your session which just made it undeniable? In my opinion the counselor was honest and it was so obvious what an idiot my H was. He even had the nerve to claim I wasn't a good parent, which is absurd. He was desperate grasping at straws and trying anything to keep me from divorcing him. This was my journal and post on EP after the session: I did it! I was successful in my purpose for the marriage counseling session. I did not cry, I was resolute, and at times I felt like I was running the session not the therapist. The therapist based on the questions she asked and the evidence I stated understood how I was done. The meeting started with her asking why we are here. I stated that I told my husband I want a divorce two weeks ago and I still do. Nothing has changed for me and I thought it would be good to get support in working towards that goal. Husband spoke and said that he knows he neglected me for many years. He knows that was wrong, that I asked to go to counseling a few times but he ignored the signs and he doesn't want the marriage to end. Therapist asked if there's any hope with me. I said No that I identify with someone who has been wrongfully imprisoned and I see him as a jailor and brother. Intimacy with him seems incestuous to me. Therapist asked him why he neglected me. He said Sex wasn't important to him. We both went back and forth with a few different anecdotal scenarios. Just more evidence to show how we've grown apart. This part blew my mind and I think my husband was trying to be funny: therapist asked again if I had anything left to rekindle a spark. I answered No I can be his friend, co parent, I just can't play the role of wife. Husbands response: what about my mistress. The therapist said nothing, I can't imagine what was going through her head ( ooh that could be a fun thread what was going through the therapists head when he said that), but I promptly answered to him and I said, "well that still means I need to divorce you." So the therapist summarized that we are at different stages of detachment and that I'm way ahead and this is fresh for him. It will take time to heal for him. Offered for us to come back. I said I would with the purpose of working towards an amicable divorce. Husband said he's not interested. I told him he needs to decide if he wants to sit down with the attorney with me. He said no just handle it, story of my life, so I will go to the attorney next week and he will be served. Thank-you bballgirl Your post really hit home for me. I think my W would be much more mature but in terms of where I am - I could copy paste your poste on my Consciousness and I am there pretty much to the word. It was really almost cathartic reading your poste - like "therapy" TRIPLE WOW - Man I could relate too too much. Respect! |
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flowerdust
Junior Member
Posts: 61 
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by flowerdust on Feb 1, 2017 9:38:42 GMT -5
So how do I make him understand or even listen to me because apparently he is not listening If you figure that out let me know. I've been trying to get my wife to understand for 15 years that we have serious issues and she just doesn't get it. After all this time banging my head against a wall I've come to the conclusion that she's wired in such a way that she's incapable of understanding and we simply aren't compatible. Doesn't make one of us right or wrong, just different. Somehow that seems to give me comfort in a very perverse way. I given up fighting a battle I can't win and knowing that is a relief. Thank you for the input Iceman. Yes it is hopeless, he really had me convinced that he was trying, up until about 6 months ago. It hurts to know that it was all just a scam on his part, but I should have clued in years ago. But I kept trying to fix things not understanding at the time that it was hopeless. I feel so used and that I have wasted so much time and energy on a man who was supposed to love me and understand me. Feel lost at this point and I do not know what to believe anymore |
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flowerdust
Junior Member
Posts: 61
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by flowerdust on Feb 1, 2017 9:39:58 GMT -5
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 1, 2017 10:30:33 GMT -5
Thank-you bballgirl Your post really hit home for me. I think my W would be much more mature but in terms of where I am - I could copy paste your poste on my Consciousness and I am there pretty much to the word. It was really almost cathartic reading your poste - like "therapy" TRIPLE WOW - Man I could relate too too much. Respect! Let me offer you some HOPE! My current experience is when I am with my men's groups we talk about taking risks, taking actions, being bold, being respected, gaining respect,communicating in this manor, being accepted, and appreciated. Finding joy, and gaining ground in life this way. Also that this requires hard work. Like most things in life that are valuable require hard work. Giving and taking, a covenant , and an agreement. When marriage gets brought up, they look at me, and say"except for you, Great Coastal, yours is different, you deal with different circumstances." My opinion is that is the overwhelming majority of those of us on this sight. Which gives me HOPE that finding an alternative with someone else is highly doable,attainable, achievable, with hard work. |
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Post by Dan on Feb 1, 2017 11:27:16 GMT -5
My score: 31
I consider this a bit high for two reasons:
- it included questions about how SHE feels about ME (those few questions were my only 4's or 5's)
- it didn't allow me to put a 0 for some of my replies
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Post by McRoomMate on Feb 1, 2017 14:50:59 GMT -5
Thank-you bballgirl Your post really hit home for me. I think my W would be much more mature but in terms of where I am - I could copy paste your poste on my Consciousness and I am there pretty much to the word. It was really almost cathartic reading your poste - like "therapy" TRIPLE WOW - Man I could relate too too much. Respect! Let me offer you some HOPE! My current experience is when I am with my men's groups we talk about taking risks, taking actions, being bold, being respected, gaining respect,communicating in this manor, being accepted, and appreciated. Finding joy, and gaining ground in life this way. Also that this requires hard work. Like most things in life that are valuable require hard work. Giving and taking, a covenant , and an agreement. When marriage gets brought up, they look at me, and say"except for you, Great Coastal, yours is different, you deal with different circumstances." My opinion is that is the overwhelming majority of those of us on this sight. Which gives me HOPE that finding an alternative with someone else is highly doable,attainable, achievable, with hard work. Thank-you greatcoastal Very HOPE indeed. And not just mere hope but practical "How To" Absolutely you nailed it "Finding an alternative with someone else is highly doable, attainable, achievable, with hard work." HARD WORK - everything in life worth having is by "hard work" 100% agree in heart and theory - now to APPLY it. Easier said than done - but at least now it is said, which is better than a month ago. |
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Post by shamwow on Feb 1, 2017 15:03:27 GMT -5
My sleep number is 29. It means my bed is harder and lonelier than it should be.
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 1, 2017 15:08:15 GMT -5
Hard work: Not sitting at home feeling sorry for your self. Need a few strong tipping points to make it happen? that's understandable, you've been conditioned to take it for years. Keep a journal, and use their words right back at them and learn how much their selfish behavior is on display through their use of manipulation, control,and double standards.
Knowing your legal rights, and what an attorney will predict the outcome of a divorce will be ,gives you the foundation to start a new home, a new identity, with a new purpose. You have to take those steps in faith, "ask yourself,"what have I got to loose", and build yourself up by remembering all of your past accomplishments that you have going for you.
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Post by McRoomMate on Feb 1, 2017 15:28:42 GMT -5
Hard work: Not sitting at home feeling sorry for your self. Need a few strong tipping points to make it happen? that's understandable, you've been conditioned to take it for years. Keep a journal, and use their words right back at them and learn how much their selfish behavior is on display through their use of manipulation, control,and double standards. Knowing your legal rights, and what an attorney will predict the outcome of a divorce will be ,gives you the foundation to start a new home, a new identity, with a new purpose. You have to take those steps in faith, "ask yourself,"what have I got to loose", and build yourself up by remembering all of your past accomplishments that you have going for you. The Tipping Point is a done deal. So I am taking ACTION - I am in the very uncomfortable place where I work for my wife´s company and so i am talking to recruiters and other start-up ideas. The main thing is I want to be totally financially independent. Right now 100% of my income comes from my wife´s company. I am totally comfortable leaving the house and all the money to her and just my Motorcycle and a few boxes and I am good to go. But I have kids to pay for (prior marriage) and abject poverty should be avoided if at all possible. First step is Financial Independence then "THE TALK" will soon follow. But I am in a very cornered position now - talk about Control. Jeeze Louize. |
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Post by Rhapsodee on Feb 4, 2017 19:22:20 GMT -5
37.
The only thing that kept it from being under 35 was the "*I am committed to staying together." I dont think committed is the right word though. Its more like resigned.
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Post by solodriver on Feb 5, 2017 0:09:21 GMT -5
26. I need to be committed! How depressing! Happy Valentine's Day to Me! I knew things were bad and now I know just how bad!  |
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