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Post by McRoomMate on Jan 31, 2017 11:06:10 GMT -5
nypost.com/2016/02/11/this-test-will-tell-you-if-youre-headed-for-divorce/Pretty interesting and easy to do Test Instructions: Answer each question as follows: Strongly Agree (5 points) , Agree (4 points), Neutral (3 points), Disagree (2 points), Strongly Disagree (1 point) ✦ I feel emotionally close to my partner. ✦ I think that my partner really cares about me. ✦ I feel confident that we can deal with whatever problems might arise. ✦ I would consider myself happy in this relationship. ✦ My partner really listens to me. ✦ I feel that my partner finds me physically attractive. ✦ I can talk to my partner about anything. ✦ I feel that my partner is very interested in me. ✦ I feel respected by my partner. ✦ I am committed to staying together. ✦ I have a great deal of respect and admiration for my partner. ✦ My partner really tries hard to meet my needs. ✦ My partner respects my dreams in life. ✦ My partner is one of my best friends. ✦ My partner rarely puts me down. ANSWER ANALYSIS: Above 55: You’re emotionally close to your partner, a sign that your relationship is going strong. “Trust is the number one thing that makes a relationship work,” Gottman adds. 45-55: Your relationship may have once been solid, but recently some cracks have begun to show. “[People] who are listening and interested in their partner’s day are more likely to build trust and commitment and be better partners,” says Gottman. 35-44: If you’ve been unable to cope with problems that have plagued your relationship recently, Gottman recommends taking a couple’s seminar to realign your relationship goals and individual needs. Less than 35: It’s time to bring in the pros and seek a couples therapist immediately. “Criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling are the best predictors of a doomed relationship,” says Gottman. MY RESULTS: I got 32 - funny how it just says "SEEK COUNSELING" - Duh, Spend a fortune and a few more years on "Therapy". As usual the tests leave out - Void of Passion, over a decade of Room Mates with Children, Zero Intimacy, connection, SM etc. etc. etc.
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Post by bballgirl on Jan 31, 2017 11:38:58 GMT -5
I got a 24 I'm divorced. I went to one session of counseling and the therapist told my H to get an attorney.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jan 31, 2017 12:23:52 GMT -5
nypost.com/2016/02/11/this-test-will-tell-you-if-youre-headed-for-divorce/Pretty interesting and easy to do Test Instructions: Answer each question as follows: Strongly Agree (5 points) , Agree (4 points), Neutral (3 points), Disagree (2 points), Strongly Disagree (1 point) ✦ I feel emotionally close to my partner. ✦ I think that my partner really cares about me. ✦ I feel confident that we can deal with whatever problems might arise. ✦ I would consider myself happy in this relationship. ✦ My partner really listens to me. ✦ I feel that my partner finds me physically attractive. ✦ I can talk to my partner about anything. ✦ I feel that my partner is very interested in me. ✦ I feel respected by my partner. ✦ I am committed to staying together. ✦ I have a great deal of respect and admiration for my partner. ✦ My partner really tries hard to meet my needs. ✦ My partner respects my dreams in life. ✦ My partner is one of my best friends. ✦ My partner rarely puts me down. ANSWER ANALYSIS: Above 55: You’re emotionally close to your partner, a sign that your relationship is going strong. “Trust is the number one thing that makes a relationship work,” Gottman adds. 45-55: Your relationship may have once been solid, but recently some cracks have begun to show. “[People] who are listening and interested in their partner’s day are more likely to build trust and commitment and be better partners,” says Gottman. 35-44: If you’ve been unable to cope with problems that have plagued your relationship recently, Gottman recommends taking a couple’s seminar to realign your relationship goals and individual needs. Less than 35: It’s time to bring in the pros and seek a couples therapist immediately. “Criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling are the best predictors of a doomed relationship,” says Gottman. MY RESULTS: I got 32 - funny how it just says "SEEK COUNSELING" - Duh, Spend a fortune and a few more years on "Therapy". As usual the tests leave out - Void of Passion, over a decade of Room Mates with Children, Zero Intimacy, connection, SM etc. etc. etc. Would have been a flat 15 for me if it weren't for the last question. I have to say, he doesn't put me down. He doesn't say anything nice either really, or much of anything at all come to think of it. |
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Post by cagedtiger on Jan 31, 2017 12:25:16 GMT -5
30. And our marriage counselor was honestly surprised when I left- until I started talking about what I felt like she wasn't seeing.
Undoubtedly, if my wife were to take this, her score would be 10-15 points higher.
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flowerdust
Junior Member
Posts: 61 
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by flowerdust on Jan 31, 2017 13:51:33 GMT -5
42 35-44: If you’ve been unable to cope with problems that have plagued your relationship recently, Gottman recommends taking a couple’s seminar to realign your relationship goals and individual needs. Ha Ha that is funny What relationship goals ? Individual Needs ? OMG What are those  As I Roll on the floor Laughing My Ass OFF Oh Wait I remember now Relationship Goals: Marriage is a 50/50 deal 50% Not getting any ! and 50% Doing it myself ! That counts right ? Individual Needs Yes it is Wonder if the Seminar is a swingers club may give the H a memory or two of how its done he may have Alz omg I cannot stop laughing !!!! Alzheimers Sorry I don't mean to make fun of this I am sure that it has its good points and helps people now that I can see my computer screen |
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Post by lyn on Jan 31, 2017 14:29:13 GMT -5
24 - and I was being "nice".
Always good to reaffirm things.
xx
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jan 31, 2017 15:05:04 GMT -5
I took it twice.
Once for how I was feeling and how he was behaving a year ago - when we had The Talk™. That score is 44.
Could we have recovered? I don't know.
I took it a second time, for how I'm feeling and how he is behaving now - and that score is 36.
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Post by McRoomMate on Jan 31, 2017 18:51:32 GMT -5
I got a 24 I'm divorced. I went to one session of counseling and the therapist told my H to get an attorney. Beautiful post. Sublime. If I may ask - normally therapists would think of a long term project and "fixing" the marriage -experimenting with techniques etc. I am just wondering if you had an actual "honest" therapist or it was just so obvious. Was there a "coup de grace" during your session which just made it undeniable? |
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Post by McRoomMate on Jan 31, 2017 18:55:09 GMT -5
I took it twice. Once for how I was feeling and how he was behaving a year ago - when we had The Talk™. That score is 44. Could we have recovered? I don't know. I took it a second time, for how I'm feeling and how he is behaving now - and that score is 36. I am a bit cynical and "follow the money" - this could just be a test to lure hopeless SM couples into a long term therapy with all the fees. Marriage and sex counselors need to eat too right? |
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Post by bballgirl on Jan 31, 2017 19:09:34 GMT -5
I got a 24 I'm divorced. I went to one session of counseling and the therapist told my H to get an attorney. Beautiful post. Sublime. If I may ask - normally therapists would think of a long term project and "fixing" the marriage -experimenting with techniques etc. I am just wondering if you had an actual "honest" therapist or it was just so obvious. Was there a "coup de grace" during your session which just made it undeniable? In my opinion the counselor was honest and it was so obvious what an idiot my H was. He even had the nerve to claim I wasn't a good parent, which is absurd. He was desperate grasping at straws and trying anything to keep me from divorcing him. This was my journal and post on EP after the session: I did it! I was successful in my purpose for the marriage counseling session. I did not cry, I was resolute, and at times I felt like I was running the session not the therapist. The therapist based on the questions she asked and the evidence I stated understood how I was done. The meeting started with her asking why we are here. I stated that I told my husband I want a divorce two weeks ago and I still do. Nothing has changed for me and I thought it would be good to get support in working towards that goal. Husband spoke and said that he knows he neglected me for many years. He knows that was wrong, that I asked to go to counseling a few times but he ignored the signs and he doesn't want the marriage to end. Therapist asked if there's any hope with me. I said No that I identify with someone who has been wrongfully imprisoned and I see him as a jailor and brother. Intimacy with him seems incestuous to me. Therapist asked him why he neglected me. He said Sex wasn't important to him. We both went back and forth with a few different anecdotal scenarios. Just more evidence to show how we've grown apart. This part blew my mind and I think my husband was trying to be funny: therapist asked again if I had anything left to rekindle a spark. I answered No I can be his friend, co parent, I just can't play the role of wife. Husbands response: what about my mistress. The therapist said nothing, I can't imagine what was going through her head ( ooh that could be a fun thread what was going through the therapists head when he said that), but I promptly answered to him and I said, "well that still means I need to divorce you." So the therapist summarized that we are at different stages of detachment and that I'm way ahead and this is fresh for him. It will take time to heal for him. Offered for us to come back. I said I would with the purpose of working towards an amicable divorce. Husband said he's not interested. I told him he needs to decide if he wants to sit down with the attorney with me. He said no just handle it, story of my life, so I will go to the attorney next week and he will be served. |
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Post by lyn on Jan 31, 2017 19:11:16 GMT -5
I took it twice. Once for how I was feeling and how he was behaving a year ago - when we had The Talk™. That score is 44. Could we have recovered? I don't know. I took it a second time, for how I'm feeling and how he is behaving now - and that score is 36. I am a bit cynical and "follow the money" - this could just be a test to lure hopeless SM couples into a long term therapy with all the fees. Marriage and sex counselors need to eat too right? Funny you mention this! I've been to my therapist just three times now - all in the past month. Each and every time she insists that I schedule additional appointments for my H and I, together. Each time I insist that I'm not interested in couples counseling as we've been down that road before, and, I know that it's pointless in our situation. Sooooo........ I'm looking for a new therapist - probably a man this time. Kind of frustrating- |
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flowerdust
Junior Member
Posts: 61
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by flowerdust on Feb 1, 2017 8:44:39 GMT -5
So after my last post above, I got to thinking what if I gave the H this test to see what happens and what he scores, so I went to the website and closed this one off apparently he thinks our marriage is just fine as his score was 60
Above 55: You’re emotionally close to your partner, a sign that your relationship is going strong. “Trust is the number one thing that makes a relationship work,”
So unless he was not truthful about his answers even after our conversation this past weekend Apparently he has no clue.
I told him my score and that I had did the test earlier in the day and told him what it meant
35-44: If you’ve been unable to cope with problems that have plagued your relationship recently, Gottman recommends taking a couple’s seminar to realign your relationship goals and individual needs.
I thought that maybe at that point it would start a conversation on why I felt this way or maybe he would say our conversation over the weekend really has you on edge Nope Nothing just
laughed it off as it was just a game not meaning anything.
Really for me a therapist is way to expensive starts at 250.00 and hour here and like posts above you need to come back for weeks after sorry but I need to put my kids through collage not theirs .
So how do I make him understand or even listen to me because apparently he is not listening
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Post by iceman on Feb 1, 2017 9:06:17 GMT -5
34 and I was in a fairly good mood and being nice about things. It could have easily been 20 on more typical days. We've tried some therapy a while back. It was worthless. It became obvious after the second session that it was worthless. My wife's idea of therapy is for her to stick to her position and the therapy is supposed to make me come completely over to her side with no change on her part. She had no interest in addressing any of my needs or concerns.
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Post by iceman on Feb 1, 2017 9:20:14 GMT -5
So how do I make him understand or even listen to me because apparently he is not listening If you figure that out let me know. I've been trying to get my wife to understand for 15 years that we have serious issues and she just doesn't get it. After all this time banging my head against a wall I've come to the conclusion that she's wired in such a way that she's incapable of understanding and we simply aren't compatible. Doesn't make one of us right or wrong, just different. Somehow that seems to give me comfort in a very perverse way. I given up fighting a battle I can't win and knowing that is a relief. |
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Post by McRoomMate on Feb 1, 2017 9:30:38 GMT -5
I am a bit cynical and "follow the money" - this could just be a test to lure hopeless SM couples into a long term therapy with all the fees. Marriage and sex counselors need to eat too right? Funny you mention this! I've been to my therapist just three times now - all in the past month. Each and every time she insists that I schedule additional appointments for my H and I, together. Each time I insist that I'm not interested in couples counseling as we've been down that road before, and, I know that it's pointless in our situation. Sooooo........ I'm looking for a new therapist - probably a man this time. Kind of frustrating- Thank-you lyn This is shameful behavior on their part. Full respect for your courage and yes I am getting a lot of inspiration from your post. |
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As I Roll on the floor Laughing My Ass OFF 
