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Post by Deleted on Apr 24, 2016 17:31:19 GMT -5
My ex had two years to fix her credit and take over the mortgage. Two years is over next week. Has she fixed her credit? No. She just now got a credit card and needs a few more months to get her credit moving. I asked why she didn't do this two years ago, and she says she was scared and depressed and that it's all water under the bridge and she's doing it now so we should amend the separation agreement to give her more time. So now my life and already fragile mental state are going to be turned upside down for the next few months as I have to go through the stress of selling a house because she apparently thinks a contract is just a suggested course of action. Now I have to feel guilty over throwing her out in the street and having to find new homes for her cats. Yes, I will feel guilty, don't try to talk me out of it. And of course more lawyer bills, oh get this, she says we won't get much for the house because it's such a mess, oh did you forget that the CONTRAAAACT says you have to keep it in showable condition? That on Monday you will be in breach of contract?
Water under the bridge.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 24, 2016 17:39:05 GMT -5
The smell of pork chops made by a beautiful woman who loves me is wafting up from downstairs. This is definitely one of those days when I don't need any help remembering why I got divorced.
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Post by bballgirl on Apr 24, 2016 18:15:57 GMT -5
I'm so sorry you are going through this.
Refusers have avoidant behavior with everything in their life that doesn't serve them.
Talk to a lawyer get some legal advice.
It might be easier to wait 3 months and let her refinance.
Hang in there. Here's a big hug for you!!
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Post by TMD on Apr 24, 2016 18:47:55 GMT -5
Oh. Wow.
That's incredibly frustrating. Take a deep breath, enjoy your supper with a glass of wine, and in the company of the woman who enriches your life.
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Post by unmatched on Apr 24, 2016 19:12:29 GMT -5
Maybe this is a good opportunity to feel very good about yourself and your hard won ability to make better decisions
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Post by Deleted on Apr 24, 2016 20:02:15 GMT -5
Well, shit. It must feel like this is never going to end. I won't tell you not to feel guilty, but I'll remind you that you aren't responsible for her feelings or for the results of her choices. To whatever degree you can, detach yourself and be as matter of fact as possible. It appears that you have a contract and as cold as it may seem, you need to enforce it. Otherwise, she'll just keep pushing this as far as you'll let her.
Now go downstairs and let your lovely lady give you a few more reminders of how damn glad you are to be divorced!
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Post by unmatched on Apr 24, 2016 21:50:31 GMT -5
Well, shit. It must feel like this is never going to end. I won't tell you not to feel guilty, but I'll remind you that you aren't responsible for her feelings or for the results of her choices. This! It seems to me if there is one lesson we were all put into this miserable situation to learn, it is exactly that one. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 24, 2016 23:06:07 GMT -5
I won't tell you not to feel guilty, but I'll remind you that you aren't responsible for her feelings or for the results of her choices. To whatever degree you can, detach yourself and be as matter of fact as possible. It appears that you have a contract and as cold as it may seem, you need to enforce it. Otherwise, she'll just keep pushing this as far as you'll let her. I'm going to be mean and suggest that you enforce the contract. You and she had a deal. She did not hold up her end of the deal. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Apr 25, 2016 5:46:12 GMT -5
I won't tell you not to feel guilty, but I'll remind you that you aren't responsible for her feelings or for the results of her choices. To whatever degree you can, detach yourself and be as matter of fact as possible. It appears that you have a contract and as cold as it may seem, you need to enforce it. Otherwise, she'll just keep pushing this as far as you'll let her. I'm going to be mean and suggest that you enforce the contract. You and she had a deal. She did not hold up her end of the deal. Go kat,go! Like my therapist told me, " when your 18 yr old acts like a child, discipline him like one". Discipline is an act of love and service! It is a control issue, and shows your leadership, and that you take responsibility to enforce choices. It is very draining! Rewards don't always show up imediatly. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 25, 2016 8:35:04 GMT -5
I won't tell you not to feel guilty, but I'll remind you that you aren't responsible for her feelings or for the results of her choices. To whatever degree you can, detach yourself and be as matter of fact as possible. It appears that you have a contract and as cold as it may seem, you need to enforce it. Otherwise, she'll just keep pushing this as far as you'll let her. I'm going to be mean and suggest that you enforce the contract. You and she had a deal. She did not hold up her end of the deal. Yes it's part of our separation agreement, it is essentially a contract. I wish there was some way to divert this but there isn't. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 26, 2016 19:33:36 GMT -5
I'm going to be mean and suggest that you enforce the contract. You and she had a deal. She did not hold up her end of the deal. Yes it's part of our separation agreement, it is essentially a contract. I wish there was some way to divert this but there isn't. Well, you can enforce it without being a dick about it. Just start from the point of view that you and she had made an agreement, and that you cannot afford to change the agreement. There are consequences for everything. This is a consequence of her not doing what she agreed to do. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 26, 2016 20:35:57 GMT -5
Yes it's part of our separation agreement, it is essentially a contract. I wish there was some way to divert this but there isn't. Well, you can enforce it without being a dick about it. Just start from the point of view that you and she had made an agreement, and that you cannot afford to change the agreement. There are consequences for everything. This is a consequence of her not doing what she agreed to do. Not that any of that means anything to her but that's about all I can say to her. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 27, 2016 8:41:29 GMT -5
There are consequences for everything. This is a consequence of her not doing what she agreed to do. Not that any of that means anything to her but that's about all I can say to her. How she reacts isn't your problem. This is a divorce, not a relationship. It's laudable that you care enough not to be unkind, but it pretty much needs to stop right there. |
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