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Post by Dan on Jan 24, 2017 21:50:58 GMT -5
I feel like I'm looking at my wife through bulletproof glass.
We hardly ever touch. We almost never fight.
There is this barrier that we both sense, but we don't talk about.
It is probably just as well: if we did, one or both of us would just get upset and it would make thing worse.
She feels because I'm "no longer mad at her" (as she sees it), we're doing better.
I feel I'm no longer mad at her because I've given up.
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Post by baza on Jan 24, 2017 22:20:16 GMT -5
Jeez. The mental picture I get in reading this would make it one of - if not "the" - saddest stories I've read in this or the old EP/ILIASM group.
It paints a picture of ---- I dunno ---- what the right word is.
It just seems so devoid of --- "life".
Sorry Brother Dan.
Feeling for you.
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Post by bballgirl on Jan 24, 2017 22:47:23 GMT -5
I think you are trying to keep the peace until you figure out what you want and it makes sense for the kids to be in a non hostile environment.
It's SM Limbo or Pergatory until you rip off the bandaid.
It's a sad situation but you are aware of the situation and you have clarity while she has denial.
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Post by itsjustus on Jan 24, 2017 23:20:35 GMT -5
I feel like I'm looking at my wife through bulletproof glass. We hardly ever touch. We almost never fight. There is this barrier that we both sense, but we don't talk about. It is probably just as well: if we did, one or both of us would just get upset and it would make thing worse. She feels because I'm "no longer mad at her" (as she sees it), we're doing better. I feel I'm no longer mad at her because I've given up. I've been Here, done this, brother Dan. (Except for the almost never fight part. She was an angry controller) A barrier, never spoken of. She thought we were "fixed" because I no longer fought back. I no longer fought back, because I'd given up. I was numb. As Baz said...devoid of...life. Then, we did speak of the barrier. Rather I did. And sure enough we both got mad. And... Sure enough, things got worse. And... Sure enough, I divorced her mad ass. And... Sure enough...I am now the happiest man in the world, alive and kicking! Theres another side. Opposite land. Just sayin my friend. |
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Post by McRoomMate on Jan 25, 2017 2:25:21 GMT -5
I feel like I'm looking at my wife through bulletproof glass. We hardly ever touch. We almost never fight. There is this barrier that we both sense, but we don't talk about. It is probably just as well: if we did, one or both of us would just get upset and it would make thing worse. She feels because I'm "no longer mad at her" (as she sees it), we're doing better. I feel I'm no longer mad at her because I've given up. @dan I am sitting across from my wife as I write this. As usual she is playing video games - she says it helps her cope (I guess better than alcoholism). We have no drama between us - like "two peas in a pod" ROOM MATES - SM for over 10 years - I had been giving little kisses and hugs and saying "I love you" - I stopped on New Years Eve - she does not even initiate a hug and says "excuse me" if she accidentally touches me. I asked her if I bring "Joy to Her Life" and she just gave me a look like I said something stupid and irritating. My next question . . . "Why are you still with me?" is just around the corner. The ONLY thing I can think of is "two reasons" as we have two beautiful children together. That just is not going to work. I have done plenty of research - a long term "loving" relationship is entirely possible - this one is hopeless and here I am with you in the "Elephant Graveyard" of the worst marriages on Earth. Once again, I read a post here and think "all too autobiographical." |
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Post by McRoomMate on Jan 25, 2017 2:30:12 GMT -5
I feel like I'm looking at my wife through bulletproof glass. We hardly ever touch. We almost never fight. There is this barrier that we both sense, but we don't talk about. It is probably just as well: if we did, one or both of us would just get upset and it would make thing worse. She feels because I'm "no longer mad at her" (as she sees it), we're doing better. I feel I'm no longer mad at her because I've given up. I've been Here, done this, brother Dan. (Except for the almost never fight part. She was an angry controller) A barrier, never spoken of. She thought we were "fixed" because I no longer fought back. I no longer fought back, because I'd given up. I was numb. As Baz said...devoid of...life. Then, we did speak of the barrier. Rather I did. And sure enough we both got mad. And... Sure enough, things got worse. And... Sure enough, I divorced her mad ass. And... Sure enough...I am now the happiest man in the world, alive and kicking! Theres another side. Opposite land. Just sayin my friend. THANK-YOU itsjustus I am on the edge of the "Questions" phase - settled rotting environment, dangerous and liberating questions - seem indeed the first step to smashing this "Glass Barrier" of denial and complacency - my "Comfort Zone" is now painfully unbearable. |
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Post by McRoomMate on Jan 25, 2017 2:33:43 GMT -5
I think you are trying to keep the peace until you figure out what you want and it makes sense for the kids to be in a non hostile environment. It's SM Limbo or Pergatory until you rip off the bandaid. It's a sad situation but you are aware of the situation and you have clarity while she has denial. SM Limbo . . . SM Pergatory. "Rip off the Band Aid" - absolutely - the rotten, putrifying, suffocating, band aid. I am on the verge. Very well said TY! |
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Post by Dan on Jan 25, 2017 8:09:01 GMT -5
I thank everyone for their comments. Just a quick addendum: while my marriage is in the unenviable state of being "behind glass", I wanted to let folks here know that my life as a whole is not joyless. I take immense pleasure in raising my children (three still at home, all over 16), and I'm content that my "roommate" is helping with that. I have a well paying job where I very much like the people and the nature of the work. I have a close community of friends who support me and my family.
Thank you for being here... and reading my occasional "vent". You all are extremely important to me in this time, this phase. Thank you for being here as I work through it.
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Post by itsjustus on Jan 25, 2017 9:52:19 GMT -5
Thanks for the reminder, Dan. Not only of your current status quo, but that mine back then wasn't completely joyless as well. I know here, we all talk about being in SM's marriages, and really don't get around to talking too much about the other aspects of our lives. I enjoyed my life, even then. Four grown daughters, (not quite ALWAYS a joy...lol), ten, yes TEN, grandchildren, a house full of pets, and a musician hobby/addiction that kept me busy AND happy! A good job, good circle of friends, and wonderful extended family....I am a blessed man. If if it wasn't for the nightly reminder that my bed/marriage/relationship was cold, I had it made! And it was the wonderful people here at (EP)ILIASM who kept me going with support, encouragement, and yes, love, until I could finally make that aspect of my life better. You're right, Life is not all joyless. It is what you make of it, no matter what the circumstance. Thank you for the reminder! |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 25, 2017 13:09:58 GMT -5
Yes, I remember those days, feeling like there was a wall up between me and Mr. Kat. Sort of like those movies or TV shows where one person is visiting the other person in jail, and they talk on a phone, and there's a physical barrier between them.
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Post by thebaffledking on Jan 25, 2017 14:36:01 GMT -5
Yes, I remember those days, feeling like there was a wall up between me and Mr. Kat. Sort of like those movies or TV shows where one person is visiting the other person in jail, and they talk on a phone, and there's a physical barrier between them. There's a famously devastating (and semi-erotic) scene of a prison visit (guy in Turkish prison for trying to smuggle H) in the old movie Midnight Express........spot on. I'd post the clip here but I think full-on boobage is probably frowned upon by admin. |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 25, 2017 20:11:40 GMT -5
Yes, I remember those days, feeling like there was a wall up between me and Mr. Kat. Sort of like those movies or TV shows where one person is visiting the other person in jail, and they talk on a phone, and there's a physical barrier between them. There's a famously devastating (and semi-erotic) scene of a prison visit (guy in Turkish prison for trying to smuggle H) in the old movie Midnight Express........spot on. I'd post the clip here but I think full-on boobage is probably frowned upon by admin. I remember that scene from that movie. Sadly, I think there was more intimacy and emotion between that couple than there is in many SMs. |
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