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Post by McRoomMate on Jan 24, 2017 17:58:18 GMT -5
I asked her Sunday if I brought any joy to her life and she just gave me a slightly miserable yet mean look. Suggested followup question: "OK, you're obviously very unhappy with your life with me. Why do you stay?" Thank-you beachguy Will need to strategically place this . . . Excellent excellent excellent. It is practically written on my hand as a reminder ! ! ! |
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Post by McRoomMate on Jan 24, 2017 18:01:05 GMT -5
What are your relative incomes? That is, who makes more? She makes 10 times more than I do. She has her own company and relies on my pennies for her big dollars. She is also still quite attractive and charming. May I ask where you might be going with this? Very thought provoking I must say. My wheels are turning . . . |
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Post by Carol on Jan 25, 2017 1:31:20 GMT -5
Mine has been about 13/14 yrs sexless. The thing is he loves to kiss me, hold me, lots of PDA. Just no sex. It pisses me off completely. I'm at the point now that if he is wants any affection from me, I try to avoid it as much as I can. You don't get to have me if you don't to make the effort to be the husband I need!
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Post by McRoomMate on Jan 25, 2017 1:42:22 GMT -5
Mine has been about 13/14 yrs sexless. The thing is he loves to kiss me, hold me, lots of PDA. Just no sex. It pisses me off completely. I'm at the point now that if he is wants any affection from me, I try to avoid it as much as I can. You don't get to have me if you don't to make the effort to be the husband I need! sorry to hear that. Have you told him such? I have to say your situation seems unique. In my SM, the no sex part seems to be just a symptom of a much bigger deep problem of "Room Mates with Kids" and that there is ZERO even PDA, no intimacy, no hugs, no holds, no kisses, even if she touches me it is by accident and she says "excuse me". Maybe there is still romantic love or "in love" with yours. I do not know, I am wondering. Medical condition? Other? |
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Post by wom360 on Jan 25, 2017 9:10:52 GMT -5
What are your relative incomes? That is, who makes more? She makes 10 times more than I do. She has her own company and relies on my pennies for her big dollars. She is also still quite attractive and charming. May I ask where you might be going with this? Very thought provoking I must say. My wheels are turning . . . I have a theory about power balance and sexless marriage. You seem to fit right into it. Many women want to think they're somehow modern and evolved but they just aren't into men who can't match them financially. Many house husbands are sexless for example. What's more, they can't understand or admit that it has something to do with it. |
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Post by Lithium92 on Jan 25, 2017 9:50:37 GMT -5
Yep, same here. Oh and the occasional very clothed, very nonsexual spooning in bed, in which she lays inertly. About once every three or four weeks she'll lay her head on my shoulder in bed for five minutes or so. I've asked her about levels of physical affection she actively needs, and this is those levels (plus hand holding when we're out).
I realised I've backed off initiating anything physical at all now. At least that way I know even those tiny crumbs aren't just tolerating me, I guess.
It is pathetic, you're right.
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Post by Carol on Jan 25, 2017 12:02:59 GMT -5
Mine has been about 13/14 yrs sexless. The thing is he loves to kiss me, hold me, lots of PDA. Just no sex. It pisses me off completely. I'm at the point now that if he is wants any affection from me, I try to avoid it as much as I can. You don't get to have me if you don't to make the effort to be the husband I need! sorry to hear that. Have you told him such? I have to say your situation seems unique. In my SM, the no sex part seems to be just a symptom of a much bigger deep problem of "Room Mates with Kids" and that there is ZERO even PDA, no intimacy, no hugs, no holds, no kisses, even if she touches me it is by accident and she says "excuse me". Maybe there is still romantic love or "in love" with yours. I do not know, I am wondering. Medical condition? Other? He says it is a mental/psychological issue. We are in therapy together and separate. He is in the beginning of trying to find a sex therapist to help the issue. Let's say I don't have a positive outlook for the future. I've been thinking lately, does he really love me because he wants me or does he just need me? I think there is a difference between the two. I need air to breathe, but I want that air to be clean. |
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Post by lyn on Jan 25, 2017 12:09:33 GMT -5
I'm contemplating telling my H to leave me the fuck alone. He's insistent on these weird hugs and wooden kisses. If I see another "love note" on the counter I will use it to pick up the dogs poo. I want to blatantly ignore the 5-7 emoji covered texts he sends me (he just sent me one as I type this) daily - don't want to answer the barrage of phone calls.
If I tell him to stop all of these things, then, I'll need to be ready to pull the plug completely, no waiting out my timeframe of this summer.
If all of these outward displays of affection are completely fake, part of some insane manipulation (which they MUST be) then, I'm dealing with one wrecked human, or maybe just a psychopath.
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Post by McRoomMate on Jan 25, 2017 17:35:37 GMT -5
Carol sorry to hear that. Have you told him such? I have to say your situation seems unique. In my SM, the no sex part seems to be just a symptom of a much bigger deep problem of "Room Mates with Kids" and that there is ZERO even PDA, no intimacy, no hugs, no holds, no kisses, even if she touches me it is by accident and she says "excuse me". Maybe there is still romantic love or "in love" with yours. I do not know, I am wondering. Medical condition? Other? He says it is a mental/psychological issue. We are in therapy together and separate. He is in the beginning of trying to find a sex therapist to help the issue. Let's say I don't have a positive outlook for the future. I've been thinking lately, does he really love me because he wants me or does he just need me? I think there is a difference between the two. I need air to breathe, but I want that air to be clean. Well we are here together at least and NOT alone if by a Forum. In terms of getting into the definition of Love especially into a long term relationship - I will listen humbly. |
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Post by McRoomMate on Jan 25, 2017 17:43:31 GMT -5
wom360 She makes 10 times more than I do. She has her own company and relies on my pennies for her big dollars. She is also still quite attractive and charming. May I ask where you might be going with this? Very thought provoking I must say. My wheels are turning . . . I have a theory about power balance and sexless marriage. You seem to fit right into it. Many women want to think they're somehow modern and evolved but they just aren't into men who can't match them financially. Many house husbands are sexless for example. What's more, they can't understand or admit that it has something to do with it. Well it is a very interesting theory. Well you certainly have another data point that is consistent. I would like to think I know exactly why but I do not (I was out drinking and partying and then sobered up and changed, too much work etc). She always made more than me and now a lot more. Fortunes may change but that is pure forward looking speculation. Back to "here and now" and pattern over past 10 years . . . yes your theory has another data point. It was ALWAYS me that initiated upon request and I got sick of asking - and did get rejected from time to time. She NEVER initiated sex and since New Years - I have stopped even "Initiating" kissing or hugs (pathetic almost symbolic token kisses and hugs). In any event - I hope your theory is true because that makes me slightly less "guilty" - and of course she would blame our SM on me 100%. I am certain of that. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 25, 2017 19:33:23 GMT -5
I'm contemplating telling my H to leave me the fuck alone. He's insistent on these weird hugs and wooden kisses. If I see another "love note" on the counter I will use it to pick up the dogs poo. I want to blatantly ignore the 5-7 emoji covered texts he sends me (he just sent me one as I type this) daily - don't want to answer the barrage of phone calls. If I tell him to stop all of these things, then, I'll need to be ready to pull the plug completely, no waiting out my timeframe of this summer. If all of these outward displays of affection are completely fake, part of some insane manipulation (which they MUST be) then, I'm dealing with one wrecked human, or maybe just a psychopath. He has certainly told/controlled you to stop certain things (like wanting intimacy and sex) through rejection, denial, avoidance....You can add to the list. You do wan't to rise above that, and not be like that. There are ways to set your own boundaries. Ways of communicating through actions and words. I found after several word exchanges through therapy, that my STBX continued to give me good bye pecks, especially in front of the children. All it took was me turning my lips away (twice) and giving her my cheek, to stop her completely. Not replying to his phone messages is another one. My timeframe is certainly taking longer than expected, the same could happen to you. Go with your gut, and your legal advice. |
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