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Post by thebaffledking on Jan 16, 2017 14:21:17 GMT -5
However there is a line between pressurising someone in to something they don't want to do vs allowing someone to dictate all the goings on because you too afraid to stand up for yourself. It's a grey area. There is no line between those two alternatives. There is an option to end the relationship. That is your only recourse. We can fill an entire forum full of discussion about how to find that line, but it does not exist. It always gets back to: stay and take it or leave. We have said over and over: the lower libido spouse has ALL the power in the relationship. Except the power to force their spouse to stay in the relationship. That is the one power you have. And a big FUCK YES to BG's post, too! OP, PLEASE LISTEN TO WHAT YOU ARE HEARING! |
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Post by csl on Jan 16, 2017 14:31:14 GMT -5
I did a post entitled, "And all you think about is Not Sex!" I know several former refusers, and they tell of the stall tactics they used. Yes, they knew that their hubs wanted sex, but strategized on how to avoid. Hence, "Not Sex". |
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Post by solodriver on Jan 16, 2017 15:39:55 GMT -5
csl - could you tell where that post is located? I think it would be a good refresher for some of us again. Thanks  |
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Post by baza on Jan 16, 2017 21:45:48 GMT -5
I am trying to put myself in the position of being asked for a fuck every 48 hours as you posit Brother rejected.
To be frank, I think I would be well over it after a month, pretty sick of it after 3 months, heartily sick of it by 6 months, and really pissed off about it after 9 months.
By a year, I would be absolutely dreading the next approach.
It would start to give me the shits.
182 requests at 48 hours pauses is in my mind, complete overkill.
It just seems so unimaginitive, so mechanical, so fucking predictably boring, so robotic and bland. So unexciting.
I reckon my rejection rate would go up at comensurate levels to the request frequency.
Over the past year in my deal, I would estimate Ms enna and I have had about 100 roots, give or take.
I would estimate that my direct requests for a root at mebbe 20 (could be more), and her direct requests at mebbe 30 (could be less).
The rest - app 50, come about my mutual assent. Say watching a bit of tv on the couch and one of us saying "Lets fuck". Or a goodnight snog in bed developing into a root.
Sometimes, "less is more"
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Post by Apocrypha on Jan 16, 2017 22:39:35 GMT -5
there is a line between pressurising someone in to something they don't want to do vs allowing someone to dictate all the goings on because you too afraid to stand up for yourself. It's a grey area. She doesn't desire sex with you. If she did, you'd be doing it all the time because when you live under the same roof, it isn't that hard to do. Think of a person with whom who you don't desire sex. Maybe someone you work with. Maybe someone you know. That is how she feels about you. Now, imagine having an obligation to have sex with that person. The expectation. Every day, having that same conversation. You are talking about "standing up for yourself" as if doing so involves demanding sex from this person who doesn't desire sex from you. This is the language of conflict, of contracts, of obligation and fairness. If standing up for yourself means being authentic in what you want and seeking it, then you are likely going to need to clear the deck here and get real about the nature of your relationship with a person who doesn't desire you. I can't think of many instances or methods by which desire can be engineered out of nothing, so your choices will be more dire, I'm afraid, unless you are committed to a life of celibacy. While some people do - like Catholic Priests and nuns, for example - it's not generally foisted on them. The choice is willing and has meaning for them. Your lot is much more difficult than theirs. So do stand up for yourself. But I don't think it means demanding or negotiating sex from a person who doesn't desire you. |
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Post by csl on Jan 16, 2017 23:06:41 GMT -5
csl - could you tell where that post is located? I think it would be a good refresher for some of us again. Thanks While not a catalog of tactics, I did deal with the topic in All You Think About Is Sex! |
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