|
|
Post by RumRunner on Apr 30, 2016 19:47:21 GMT -5
The writer sounds very self centred and pleased with herself. Perhaps she is talking to the journalist because she thinks she's clever and will never get caught? I read an article about affairs a while ago that said some people have affairs just for the sheer joy of getting away with it. This writer sounds like that kind of person. To each his or her own, but that is a very shallow reason for having an affair. I agree. To have an affair for just sex would not be rewarding enough for me and I think for anyone who is in a sexless marriage would want more than just the sex. Intimacy and bonding are very much a part of what is also missing. I wouldn't want to use someone or to be used just for sex, that is what prostitutes are for and I wouldn't want that! |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 5, 2016 18:12:19 GMT -5
This person is either a narcissist or a second rate storyteller. The whole "with a manly alpha type and fucking a flaky artist on the side" schtick, as well as the zipless fuck, were done much better by Erica Jong 40 years ago. |
|
|
|
Post by baza on May 13, 2016 18:59:36 GMT -5
It is interesting that this chicks first line of defence to manage the fall out if / when she gets caught is to say - "I'm too clever to get caught".
That, is a rotten management strategy. In fact, it isn't a strategy at all. It is reliant on "luck".
She ain't that clever, no-one is, there are too many variables that are not directly controllable when a 3rd party gets involved, any one of which can potentially upset the apple cart.
Still, her luck has held up for 9 years so far apparently.
But that she chooses to not have a contingency plan to cover a scenario where (despite her best efforts) the affair is discovered and has calamitous consequences, makes no sense to me.
A bit like choosing to engage in reckless driving whilst also choosing not to carry insurance on the vehicle.
I don't wish this chick any ill will, outsourcing is a perfectly legitimate choice - and like all choices carries good / bad consequences with it - so I hope her luck holds up.
It just makes no sense (to me) to not have a contingency plan to mitigate the damage should things go guts up.
|
|
|
|
Post by petrushka on May 13, 2016 22:11:17 GMT -5
It is interesting that this chicks first line of defence to manage the fall out if / when she gets caught is to say - "I'm too clever to get caught". That, is a rotten management strategy. In fact, it isn't a strategy at all. It is reliant on "luck". She ain't that clever, no-one is, there are too many variables that are not directly controllable when a 3rd party gets involved, any one of which can potentially upset the apple cart. Still, her luck has held up for 9 years so far apparently. But that she chooses to not have a contingency plan to cover a scenario where (despite her best efforts) the affair is discovered and has calamitous consequences, makes no sense to me. A bit like choosing to engage in reckless driving whilst also choosing not to carry insurance on the vehicle. I don't wish this chick any ill will, outsourcing is a perfectly legitimate choice - and like all choices carries good / bad consequences with it - so I hope her luck holds up. It just makes no sense (to me) to not have a contingency plan to mitigate the damage should things go guts up. Makes perfect sense. Of course, the best contingency plan is to not need one. Then again, her bloke might not be au fait and okay with what she's up to. Her lover's wife might have a meltdown. They're taking a risk, one hell of a risk. I simply don't want to go behind anyone's back. I hate lies. If I can't be open about what I am doing, I won't do it. Makes life much less complicated. Oh the other hand, she's getting plenty where I am not getting any.  |
|
|
|
Post by baza on May 13, 2016 22:29:33 GMT -5
@petruscka
There are variants on outsourcing.
The subterfuge method requiring one to be an accomplished liar.
The "don't ask - don't tell" method which requires at the least, tacit agreement with your spouse.
The "open marriage" method, that requires full transparency and spousal agreement.
Back in the day, there was no hope of the "don't ask - don't tell" or the "open marriage" flying in my deal.
That left only the "subterfuge" method for me, and although I can be a pretty good liar when I need to be, my lying skills were not good enough to handle that sort of pressure.
So I gave the whole idea of outsourcing the arse.
It just wasn't a good fit for me.
|
|
|
|
Post by flotsam on May 14, 2016 1:54:42 GMT -5
Surely the friendship with APs wife is completely disingenuous...and would lead to a bigger mess if it went wrong.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 14, 2016 10:11:03 GMT -5
Surely the friendship with APs wife is completely disingenuous...and would lead to a bigger mess if it went wrong. I couldn't do that to a woman I was friends with. The only way it can work for me is if I don't know the man's wife. Want to keep my away from your H? Make friends with me, ha ha. |
|
|
|
Post by deleted on May 14, 2016 11:26:38 GMT -5
Want to keep my away from your H? Make friends with me, ha ha. You are never meeting my wife. Ever! |
|
|
|
Post by greeneyedlady72 on May 15, 2016 7:08:27 GMT -5
Surely the friendship with APs wife is completely disingenuous...and would lead to a bigger mess if it went wrong. I couldn't do that to a woman I was friends with. The only way it can work for me is if I don't know the man's wife. Want to keep my away from your H? Make friends with me, ha ha. Agreed, SmartKat! Couldn't do it! |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 31, 2016 16:52:29 GMT -5
I'd hate to see this site turn into a "how to have an affair and get away with it." Maybe in some cases it's the only option, but I know for me honesty is (almost) always the best policy, unless it is outright mean and/or would hurt someone beyond repair. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I would divorce before going outside the marriage for sex unless I were being totally honest about it, as in "honey, I have sexual needs that are not being met (by a long shot). Are you OK with me breaking our vows and seeking sex elsewhere?" If he is, fine. If not, then he needs to either put up or shut up. I just can't see a reason to cheat secretly. Who are you really cheating? That lie is on you - the cheater.
I guess I'm in a mood today so I apologize if this offends anyone. Not meant to. I just hate to see people wasting all their energy figuring out how to cheat and get away with it when they really ought to be using their energy for difficult conversations with their spouses or just for getting the hell out.
|
|
|
|
Post by angryspartan on May 31, 2016 18:52:56 GMT -5
The line "Famouse last words" was written specifically for this chick.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 31, 2016 21:09:59 GMT -5
@petruscka There are variants on outsourcing. The subterfuge method requiring one to be an accomplished liar. The "don't ask - don't tell" method which requires at the least, tacit agreement with your spouse. The "open marriage" method, that requires full transparency and spousal agreement. Back in the day, there was no hope of the "don't ask - don't tell" or the "open marriage" flying in my deal. That left only the "subterfuge" method for me, and although I can be a pretty good liar when I need to be, my lying skills were not good enough to handle that sort of pressure. So I gave the whole idea of outsourcing the arse. It just wasn't a good fit for me. I never discussed open marriage with my wife. The thought just never crossed my mind. Just as well since we ended up divorcing and she could have suddenly changed that "permission" into marital misconduct and soaked me. Something I always wondered about people who outsource with their spouse's permission. How do you know they aren't taking notes to tuck away just in case? |
|
|
|
Post by bballgirl on Jun 1, 2016 9:21:03 GMT -5
@petruscka There are variants on outsourcing. The subterfuge method requiring one to be an accomplished liar. The "don't ask - don't tell" method which requires at the least, tacit agreement with your spouse. The "open marriage" method, that requires full transparency and spousal agreement. Back in the day, there was no hope of the "don't ask - don't tell" or the "open marriage" flying in my deal. That left only the "subterfuge" method for me, and although I can be a pretty good liar when I need to be, my lying skills were not good enough to handle that sort of pressure. So I gave the whole idea of outsourcing the arse. It just wasn't a good fit for me. I never discussed open marriage with my wife. The thought just never crossed my mind. Just as well since we ended up divorcing and she could have suddenly changed that "permission" into marital misconduct and soaked me. Something I always wondered about people who outsource with their spouse's permission. How do you know they aren't taking notes to tuck away just in case? I did outsource after twenty plus years of being faithful and celibate for the most part. Lousy sex once a year is celibacy in my book. Anyway it was my husband who did not want to share his sexuality with me and he was not interested in my sexuality. That was his choice and his unilateral decision so when I decided to outsource, asking permission or the open marriage concept was not a thought for a split second because my sexuality was none of his business. |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 1, 2016 9:38:26 GMT -5
I never discussed open marriage with my wife. The thought just never crossed my mind. Just as well since we ended up divorcing and she could have suddenly changed that "permission" into marital misconduct and soaked me. Something I always wondered about people who outsource with their spouse's permission. How do you know they aren't taking notes to tuck away just in case? I did outsource after twenty plus years of being faithful and celibate for the most part. Lousy sex once a year is celibacy in my book. Anyway it was my husband who did not want to share his sexuality with me and he was not interested in my sexuality. That was his choice and his unilateral decision so when I decided to outsource, asking permission or the open marriage concept was not a thought for a split second because my sexuality was none of his business. Good points. Requesting an open marriage is still requesting permission from your spouse to have sex. It's another form of begging. I guess you have to do it the same way you "request" a divorce. You don't request it, you announce it. And you have to be ready for whatever consequences, good or bad, your unilateral decision may yield. Of course, this announcement probably won't go over so well. Maybe outsourcing in secret would be better. Or divorce. Or toys. Or sexting. Or diverting sexual energy into something else. Anything, just please folks, don't beg. |
|
|
|
Post by dancingbear70 on Jun 2, 2016 10:20:38 GMT -5
Is it really so bad to outsource or fool around? The practice is as old as the concept of marriage itself. It seems that it is only in modern times that a single act of infidelity has become a deal breaker. Historically humans have never been so puritanical.
Getting caught or confessing are the things that might bring pain to a marriage. The act itself in the context of an already dysfunctional relationship? In my view, not so much.
|
|
