Cass
Junior Member
Posts: 22 
Age Range: 31-35
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Post by Cass on Jan 17, 2017 11:55:05 GMT -5
Welcome Cass - you, my dear, still have youth on your side, and a life to live without this drunk, abusive prick. Yes, abusive. He may not beat you, but he is demoralizing you to put it lightly. And I'm sorry to say, but, if anyone called me a Bitch? Well, I wouldn't call them my friend, let alone, 'best friend'. Sorry if I'm sounding harsh - I just know that my 30's were WASTED in a situation very similar to yours. Please don't wake up at 40 and wonder where the time went. It goes by lightening FAST!! It takes guts to even google "sexless marriage" - kudos to you for doing that, finding this forum, and putting yourself out there - like you've done by posting. You don't sound harsh at all. I see exactly what you are saying and your right. Life is already blasting by at a furious speed and I feel like I am missing out on so much. |
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Post by lyn on Jan 17, 2017 12:48:38 GMT -5
I appreciated everyone's viewpoints. You all make very valid points that are so very true. I am working on my next moves I feel like I have so much to figure out, I started with applying for some jobs that hopefully pay more than what I am making. That is step one, move towards being financially stable without him. I am absolutely drained and am so sick of my life being dictated by someone else, I am just biding my time until I can formulate a solid exit plan. Hi Cass! This is fantastic news - you're taking huge steps in reclaiming the most important part of your story; YOU! I'm so glad you've found this forum when you did. Just keep that momentum going - apply for jobs, read as much as you can stand on here (it can help reinforce what you already know). Your SO may notice what is going on and will possibly try to manipulate you into thinking he is willing to change...... please be vary wary of this behavior. I can't tell you how many times this has happened to me - A friend of mine here mentioned this to me the other day - do something towards your exit plan everyday. This can keep you optimistic and help you realize that yes, this IS doable! I can't remember if you mentioned whether or not you're in individual counseling or not - if not, this is a really important step to take also (I've just recently started myself). A good counselor can help you recognize why you've (consciously or not) accepted this manipulative, controlling behavior for so long, and can help you figure out what might be going on under the surface, in your own mind, so that you can avoid being in this situation again. Just my two cents  |
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Cass
Junior Member
Posts: 22
Age Range: 31-35
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Post by Cass on Jan 17, 2017 12:58:44 GMT -5
I appreciated everyone's viewpoints. You all make very valid points that are so very true. I am working on my next moves I feel like I have so much to figure out, I started with applying for some jobs that hopefully pay more than what I am making. That is step one, move towards being financially stable without him. I am absolutely drained and am so sick of my life being dictated by someone else, I am just biding my time until I can formulate a solid exit plan. Hi Cass ! This is fantastic news - you're taking huge steps in reclaiming the most important part of your story; YOU! I'm so glad you've found this forum when you did. Just keep that momentum going - apply for jobs, read as much as you can stand on here (it can help reinforce what you already know). Your SO may notice what is going on and will possibly try to manipulate you into thinking he is willing to change...... please be vary wary of this behavior. I can't tell you how many times this has happened to me - A friend of mine here mentioned this to me the other day - do something towards your exit plan everyday. This can keep you optimistic and help you realize that yes, this IS doable! I can't remember if you mentioned whether or not you're in individual counseling or not - if not, this is a really important step to take also (I've just recently started myself). A good counselor can help you recognize why you've (consciously or not) accepted this manipulative, controlling behavior for so long, and can help you figure out what might be going on under the surface, in your own mind, so that you can avoid being in this situation again. Just my two cents I honestly don't have to worry about him making any effort to change. We will have a big blow out and I will tell him to get his shit together and things need to change, he will agree and not even 24 hours later it is the same shit. He literally makes no effort, it is just business as usual even though the night before I will have screamed, cried and poured my heart out telling him everything. I have considered counseling, not sure in my given financial state at the moment I can afford the extra expense. I may see about a consultation and see what my insurance will cover because I think figuring out what my own problem is will help. My problem is I just get busy and complacent, I don't quit looking for exit solutions because of anything he does to make me want to stay, I just get to consumed with the day to day. I am going to try the theory of doing something towards my exit plan everyday. That is actually a good idea, I had laid out a rough time estimate to get things done but that may keep me more motivated. |
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jan 17, 2017 20:05:57 GMT -5
Cass, your story sounds a lot like mine. Keep on reading the stories here. Keep on posting. This is a true support group, and I have gotten a lot of encouragement and strength from it.
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Post by beachguy on Jan 17, 2017 23:07:27 GMT -5
I have to say that when a man accuses his wife of "using him for sex" there is a very serious orientation problem. Wishing you speed in your exit.
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