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A dysfunctional marriage fucks with your head, gets you thinking weird shit, gets you making uninformed choices that feed back into the dysfunctional loop.

I must have written that (above) a hundred or more times over the past 7 years.

I would bet, Brother shamwow, that without thinking too hard you could come up with plenty more evidence of events that marked your deal tanking. But, like everyone else here, I'd imagine you didn't see them at the time, or did see them but kidded yourself that you didn't.

And, here we now are, brains scrambled, and from this compromised position, having to deal with sorting out a major fuck up in our lives.
And that's hard enough if you are at your best, let alone with a fried brain.

It's a long old road out of the swamp, and that will start, with you.
Getting yourself to your "best" is the mission.
Working on what you can control - you - and letting go of stuff you can't control - other people.

If you can sort your own stuff out, a lot of peripheral things will sort themselves out.
And from that position of empowerment, you will be able to deal with this fuck up.