This forum helped me decide to leave, and I'm glad I did :-)
Apr 23, 2016 0:06:12 GMT -5
Dan, Rhapsodee, and 21 more like this
Post by leigh on Apr 23, 2016 0:06:12 GMT -5
Dear ILIASM folks,
I used to lurk here some years ago but never posted my own story. Reading what others had experienced was helpful to me in making my own decision, and I hope that others have found the forum helpful too, and maybe will be helped by my post.
Two stories here, really stuck with me. One was by a woman in a sexless marriage, who took her little girl to the doctor one day to have her ears pierced, and decided to get her her own ears pierced ... or maybe she'd had them pierced and one of them needed to be redone ... anyway, the guy doing it had his hands in her hair while he was looking at her earlobes. She was not interested in him and in fact was pretty sure he was gay, but it was so overwhelming to be touched that she found herself thinking about him all day. Then she was volunteering at the library and suddenly found herself sobbing behind one of the stacks. Her story ended with a plea to anyone thinking they should get married to someone they have no chemistry with, even though everything else may be great. Be prepared to lock yourself in the bathroom from time to time and cry your guts out, she said.
The other story was from someone who had left. All I remember was this person saying something like, "Find a person you share an animal attraction with and can really talk to, and happiness will be yours."
My husband and I were married almost 30 years. We got married kind of on a whim after a few drinks. We were in love but never had a great physical connection. He was, and is, almost like a kid brother. We both cheated at one point during our marriage, but pulled things back together and were reasonably happy for some years.
The problem was that I was utterly miserable without sex. My husband did not seem to mind. We didn't fight per se, but he was something of a nagger and "chops-buster," and I became a frequent cryer and blamer. I thought about other guys, and shortly before I decided to end things, someone had come on to me at a party, which left me pretty flustered. What pushed me over the edge, though, was such a seemingly minor incident.
We had just gotten back from the store. He had been making fun of me about something and my feelings were hurt. We were in the kitchen and I was watching him kiss and hug one of our dogs and I suddenly felt so lonely, I told him I wanted to separate. For a time we co-existed in different parts of the house. We eventually divorced and are now both living in another town not far apart. We still love each other, just not in a romantic way. We're like blood (we never had kids btw). He is a good guy.
My husband has not found anyone at this point. I met a guy and we fell in love in love and are planning to get married. I was not looking, it just happened. The animal attraction thing and the conversation thing are both happening. I am in my 60s and never imagined this. We've had some issues to work through, but are truly crazy about each other.
Best wishes to all of you, whether you stay or go. It really is possible to start again.
I used to lurk here some years ago but never posted my own story. Reading what others had experienced was helpful to me in making my own decision, and I hope that others have found the forum helpful too, and maybe will be helped by my post.
Two stories here, really stuck with me. One was by a woman in a sexless marriage, who took her little girl to the doctor one day to have her ears pierced, and decided to get her her own ears pierced ... or maybe she'd had them pierced and one of them needed to be redone ... anyway, the guy doing it had his hands in her hair while he was looking at her earlobes. She was not interested in him and in fact was pretty sure he was gay, but it was so overwhelming to be touched that she found herself thinking about him all day. Then she was volunteering at the library and suddenly found herself sobbing behind one of the stacks. Her story ended with a plea to anyone thinking they should get married to someone they have no chemistry with, even though everything else may be great. Be prepared to lock yourself in the bathroom from time to time and cry your guts out, she said.
The other story was from someone who had left. All I remember was this person saying something like, "Find a person you share an animal attraction with and can really talk to, and happiness will be yours."
My husband and I were married almost 30 years. We got married kind of on a whim after a few drinks. We were in love but never had a great physical connection. He was, and is, almost like a kid brother. We both cheated at one point during our marriage, but pulled things back together and were reasonably happy for some years.
The problem was that I was utterly miserable without sex. My husband did not seem to mind. We didn't fight per se, but he was something of a nagger and "chops-buster," and I became a frequent cryer and blamer. I thought about other guys, and shortly before I decided to end things, someone had come on to me at a party, which left me pretty flustered. What pushed me over the edge, though, was such a seemingly minor incident.
We had just gotten back from the store. He had been making fun of me about something and my feelings were hurt. We were in the kitchen and I was watching him kiss and hug one of our dogs and I suddenly felt so lonely, I told him I wanted to separate. For a time we co-existed in different parts of the house. We eventually divorced and are now both living in another town not far apart. We still love each other, just not in a romantic way. We're like blood (we never had kids btw). He is a good guy.
My husband has not found anyone at this point. I met a guy and we fell in love in love and are planning to get married. I was not looking, it just happened. The animal attraction thing and the conversation thing are both happening. I am in my 60s and never imagined this. We've had some issues to work through, but are truly crazy about each other.
Best wishes to all of you, whether you stay or go. It really is possible to start again.
