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Affairs
Jan 8, 2017 10:23:15 GMT -5
via mobile
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Post by rejected101 on Jan 8, 2017 10:23:15 GMT -5
Does anyone have any experience or know of anyone with experience of having a casual arrangement with someone outside the marriage. What has the impact been on the marriage itself? Improvement, nothing or it's gotten worse.
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Post by bballgirl on Jan 8, 2017 10:34:24 GMT -5
I had an affair. For me it helped me to figure out what I wanted for myself.
To be able to have sex when I want to. I didn't like the sneaking around and the dishonesty and my other choice was celibacy with the H. So stay married equaled celibacy and divorce meant not celibate so I got a divorce.
As far as the logistics - I usually called in sick to work and we got a hotel room during the day for a few hours.
Use dummy emails, visa gift cards to protect your identity and your bank activity. Also avoid toll roads if you have a transponder in your car. Also meet in an area of town at least 30 minutes away. Oh and have so much fun!
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Post by DryCreek on Jan 8, 2017 12:12:17 GMT -5
bballgirl, and refuel on your side of town. ;-)
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Affairs
Jan 8, 2017 12:14:20 GMT -5
via mobile
lyn likes this
Post by bballgirl on Jan 8, 2017 12:14:20 GMT -5
bballgirl, and refuel on your side of town. ;-) Yes never do anything covert without a full tank of gas before you start out!  |
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Post by shamwow on Jan 8, 2017 13:33:14 GMT -5
Just realize you can't hide it from the NSA or Russian hackers.
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Post by thefullmoon on Jan 8, 2017 13:52:53 GMT -5
Does anyone have any experience or know of anyone with experience of having a casual arrangement with someone outside the marriage. What has the impact been on the marriage itself? Improvement, nothing or it's gotten worse. I was feeling more relaxed and happier..so it was better for marriage. |
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Affairs
Jan 8, 2017 21:55:13 GMT -5
Post by baza on Jan 8, 2017 21:55:13 GMT -5
In the Experience Project group, enna30 wrote a definitive piece on this subject called "Outsourcing Your Needs" which gives a comprehensive and even handed overview of the subject, the up (and down) sides.
That old site is a prick to access, and find stuff, but that story alone is worth the effort.
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Post by sweetplumeria on Jan 8, 2017 22:08:07 GMT -5
Does anyone have any experience or know of anyone with experience of having a casual arrangement with someone outside the marriage. What has the impact been on the marriage itself? Improvement, nothing or it's gotten worse. Its probably a bad idea to answer this while drinking vodka, but I have outsourced since october of 2010. I can say that my personal evelutionhas gonw from thinking sex can fix my problem to relizing intimacy is an issue. Initially my marriage improved as my attitude and gratefulness improved. I was happy when having a meager amount of sex. Over the years i went a bit sex crazy....... Sadly now... I wish I was having sex regularly. I have a boyfriend and he recently asked if I wanted to move in with him. Changing my life is most likely inevitable. I cant live my life without sex. While I am not ready to leave my marriage. .... idk what I will do. |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2017 14:35:54 GMT -5
Meeting someone is the hardest part. Dating sites where married is an option have more then 100 to 1 ratio of men to women. But I met a few girls somehow. Guess they liked what I had to say.
I would not do the motel or other sneaky place thing. We met at her house. What I found was it was like dating. Remember how much fun dating is? Romance was fun. Playing the little fun things that we do when we are in dating and romance mood. Honestly I am always that way in my marriage but she is not.
Sexually it was only ok. It is hard to find a totally compatible person especially with such slim pickings. I am a very attentive and passionate lover. I touch and kiss every inch of her body and am quite long on foreplay. but women are never as giving and tend to more or less lay there. They sure love what I do, but they never give back any where as much as I give. Sure they will suck cock and are great kissers, but that is it.
I think that they have been conditioned by the men they were married to. They learned that men love getting sucked and that is what they focus there pleasure giving on. (this could become a book)
I am a one women man and give all of myself to her. It may be a personality defect but that is who I am and accept that. So when it comes to love, romance and sex, it is hard to have a wife and gf or FWB.
I had permission to seek others, but she only knew about one and that was brief. I had the time apart and was able to see them without it changing my time with the wife.
Now wife is retired and we are together most of the time. I have not approached the issue in a couple of years...bbut the story is complicated.
How did it effect the marriage?
It did not effect her at all, since she really did not know what I was doing. She did know at first, and when I told her I saw so and so, she responded with "ok". For me? I found that instead of constantly thinking about having sex I was thinking about and planning meeting the person. Same amount of time and energy.
I found that it was ok, but no where near the solution. I need only one woman, full time. On their side, they knew it was not permanent either.
I seriously doubt that I will ever leave my wife. In my perfect fantasy with a realistic approach, I would have one gf to be monogamous with. There would be time for us to act as a couple and do standard romantic things, yet I would remain married.
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Post by Isabellas39 on Jan 9, 2017 15:31:18 GMT -5
My affair has shown me how important certain qualities in a mate are to me... It has also shown me how much I settle, and how much I undervalue myself. It is hard because some men seem to believe that in an affair they can treat you like an afterthought, and I've allowed it to happen in my affair... It then makes me mad ! Mad because I thought when I got married my husband would fill my need for intimacy.... It makes me so sad, and then I wallow in self pity...When things go wrong in my attempt to outsource I start thinking that maybe I am the problem. Maybe my need for conversation, romance, and passion is unreasonable. I then blame it all on my weight because in my mind when you look a certain way men value you more..Yes, I know I'm messed up !
It did not make my marriage better or worse. I at least knew that I wouldn't go an entire year sexless, so that in itself helped some...
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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2017 23:44:52 GMT -5
My affair has shown me how important certain qualities in a mate are to me... It has also shown me how much I settle, and how much I undervalue myself. It is hard because some men seem to believe that in an affair they can treat you like an afterthought, and I've allowed it to happen in my affair... It then makes me mad ! Mad because I thought when I got married my husband would fill my need for intimacy.... It makes me so sad, and then I wallow in self pity...When things go wrong in my attempt to outsource I start thinking that maybe I am the problem. Maybe my need for conversation, romance, and passion is unreasonable. I then blame it all on my weight because in my mind when you look a certain way men value you more..Yes, I know I'm messed up ! It did not make my marriage better or worse. I at least knew that I wouldn't go an entire year sexless, so that in itself helped some... Isabella, you know your needs aren't unreasonable. If you're undervaluing yourself, you can work on that. But you don't have to tolerate that from a man. And especially not an affair partner. You can inspire a man's respect, and he'll appreciate you for doing that. We all need inspiration. If there's something about your health or fitness you'd like to change, you can do that too. And that might help with your general disposition and well being. But, some of us that have been here from the beginning have seen your picture and know weight isn't a problem for you. |
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