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Post by thebaffledking on Jan 7, 2017 9:00:30 GMT -5
Do they hog space? We have a pantry with plenty of shelves, and just the two of us.........but she has taken about 90% of the shelf space for her stuff, and I have to cram my items into these two little pockets of space. Also, in the entryway, we leave our shoes there. Well, I noticed to day that she had moved one of my three pair out of the way to make room for another pair of her own -- her pairs of shoes number about ten. I shoved hers back out of the way and put mine back. These are just a couple of examples.
And another thing.......when we moved into this place, I had set a few small artistic objects here and there, in places I thought they looked good. They were ALL relocated while I was at work, no questions asked.
There's just no way to make something like this work. And so, among myriad other reasons, I so look forward to bidding adieu.
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Post by nancyb on Jan 7, 2017 9:04:50 GMT -5
thebaffledking: When you've lost the loving' feeling and are getting ready to move on everything about the STBX bugs the shit out of you.
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Post by nancyb on Jan 7, 2017 9:06:21 GMT -5
For me its the smell of his cologne. It's not cheap stuff but I just think it stinks now.
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Post by thebaffledking on Jan 7, 2017 9:09:15 GMT -5
He's taking up your olfactory space!
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 7, 2017 9:37:12 GMT -5
Anytime I get the urge to downsize, remove clutter, or clean house, it ends quickly. I find myself saying, "can't get rid of those, that's hers, can't touch that, those are hers, some of that's mine, most of it is hers." Then comes the realization that I used to keep certain rooms clean, until my STBX got all condemning about the way I handle the kids leaving their clutter everywhere. I now look at the plies and think, "none of that's mine, not my problem, thing will be different in my own house."
Did I mention her fathers attempts to clean up after himself? He's half blind, so it's a daily battle.
Dreams of picking out what's mine and leaving all the rest behind. A fresh new start in more ways than one.
My daughter and I went out for lunch downtown yesterday. The stores are mostly arts and crafts trinkets. We both agreed, "who needs all this stuff, what a bunch of clutter, it would sure be nice to get rid of a lot of it". A big plus side of moving.
Yea, so many things to look forward to.
Similar to ending a SM.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jan 7, 2017 10:03:14 GMT -5
All refusers are controller types, It's really just a matter of degree....
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Post by novembercomingfire on Jan 7, 2017 11:05:59 GMT -5
Oh lord the controlling. I hate stuff. No stuff = no fucking clutter. But worse than the stuff is the lack of interest in organizing the stuff. Hey, that's why we need a bigger house. But at least there is always something (like furniture) to be moved.
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Post by whuffo on Jan 8, 2017 23:04:45 GMT -5
Mine is certainly the controller type. She makes sure to give me very detailed instructions on how to do menial tasks on a regular basis, and if I don't do it the way she instructs then I "don't care or respect what she knows". I guess she must think I've been living in a cave waiting on her arrival my whole life so I could learn from the master on how to load a dishwasher. Funny, I seemed to get by pretty good on my own for quite a few years (didn't get married until mid-30's, owned my own home at 20, etc), but what would I do without my STBX there to give me non-stop unsolicited advice...
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Post by baza on Jan 8, 2017 23:45:43 GMT -5
Ms enna is (by my standards) a neat freak.
As long as the place looks acceptable enough I don't give a shit.
But in the interests of domestic harmony, I make an effort in regard to this part of our deal.
Like she makes an effort to contribute to our deal by accomodating some of my idiosyncrasies.
Such daily matters are pretty much non events when considered in the aftermath of a really good fuck.
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Post by iceman on Jan 9, 2017 17:30:50 GMT -5
All refusers are controller types, It's really just a matter of degree.... So true. My wife tries to control everything but doesn't see it. Then she proceeds to tell me that I'm controlling because I won't put up with her controlling ways. |
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Post by iceman on Jan 9, 2017 17:40:44 GMT -5
Oh lord the controlling. I hate stuff. No stuff = no fucking clutter. But worse than the stuff is the lack of interest in organizing the stuff. Hey, that's why we need a bigger house. But at least there is always something (like furniture) to be moved. That's one of my biggest non-sexual gripes about my wife. She's a borderline hoarder. She even roots through the trash and recycling bins to make sure that I'm not throwing away something she deems that should be kept. Drives me fucking crazy!! And if I complain about she says I don't respect her needs. What about my need for some degree of order? I'm not OCD or anything but I like things semi-tidy. My biggest non-sexual fantasy when I think about parting ways with my wife is that I can live in a semi-clean house. Pretty sad ... |
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Post by thebaffledking on Jan 10, 2017 5:37:57 GMT -5
Mine is certainly the controller type. She makes sure to give me very detailed instructions on how to do menial tasks on a regular basis, and if I don't do it the way she instructs then I "don't care or respect what she knows". I guess she must think I've been living in a cave waiting on her arrival my whole life so I could learn from the master on how to load a dishwasher. Funny, I seemed to get by pretty good on my own for quite a few years (didn't get married until mid-30's, owned my own home at 20, etc), but what would I do without my STBX there to give me non-stop unsolicited advice... I just got schooled tonight on how to load the damn dishwasher. I'm almost 56 years old and have loaded thousands of successful dishwasher loads. It's just petty, controlling shit that just adds to the dogpile of shit she puts on me. She'll be surprised to find that when the dogpile clears in a matter of weeks, I won't be there at the bottom. I'll be long gone. |
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Post by baza on Jan 10, 2017 5:44:45 GMT -5
If you are getting out in a couple of weeks, you can afford to be magnanimous about these things.
You can measure - in days now - when this bullshit ends, and in the meantime treat it like water off a ducks back.
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Post by novembercomingfire on Jan 10, 2017 8:23:58 GMT -5
Mine is certainly the controller type. She makes sure to give me very detailed instructions on how to do menial tasks on a regular basis, and if I don't do it the way she instructs then I "don't care or respect what she knows". I guess she must think I've been living in a cave waiting on her arrival my whole life so I could learn from the master on how to load a dishwasher. Funny, I seemed to get by pretty good on my own for quite a few years (didn't get married until mid-30's, owned my own home at 20, etc), but what would I do without my STBX there to give me non-stop unsolicited advice... I just got schooled tonight on how to load the damn dishwasher. I'm almost 56 years old and have loaded thousands of successful dishwasher loads. It's just petty, controlling shit that just adds to the dogpile of shit she puts on me. She'll be surprised to find that when the dogpile clears in a matter of weeks, I won't be there at the bottom. I'll be long gone. I used to really hate the now classic dishwasher reloading game. Now I could not care less. This is a waste of her time, not mine. And she magically gained the opportunity to load the dishwasher on her own forever and ever, as i will not do it at all anymore. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 10, 2017 8:43:59 GMT -5
My controller STBX had labeled me her "less than helpful husband".In therapy I read off a 3 page list of "things my wife has not done in a long, long time",she could care less about it, it will be coming back to bite her. Many, many, things she will have to do for herself, once we live in separate homes.
My STBX accused me of withdrawing cash while buying groceries. So after two decades of buying all the groceries,I refused to do it anymore, I said, "NO!, you accuse me off lying, stealing, cheating? Forget it! You do it ."
One or two of the kids will go with her, trying to make sure she buys certain things.They are discovering what it's like dealing with the controller. She buys what she wants, what she likes, and everyone else will comply. That's not her problem.
It's now comical,yet sad to watch her struggle and mess up buying the weekly supply for 9 people, and how she blames everyone else for not reminding her, or writing everything down. Always someone else's fault, not hers, someone else is to blame. Half of us are going out to the store buying what she doesn't get.
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