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Post by RumRunner on Apr 22, 2016 9:48:53 GMT -5
To dream is to be unrealistic. To hope for something better in life is a dream, a fantasy. So why dream in the first place if you will only to be disappointed? My whole married life has been a disappointment. So why do I feel so ashamed? Maybe sex is a dirty little deed that I need to remove from my screwed up little head. I think that maybe I have expected too much from a partner. I know I probably should resign to my fate and live this celibate life to the death because I don’t see any hope of this ever changing. After 30 years, I think I am too screwed up to change anything anyway.
I know I probably shouldn't have written this, but just wanted to get it out. I am very very sorry for the rant, today is a bad day for me.
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Post by wewbwb on Apr 22, 2016 9:52:55 GMT -5
We understand and we all have days like this. But they pass and you know it. The dream is what keeps us moving. It's the unread book - the next turn in the road- the undiscovered countryside.
That is life and why we smile.
Stay strong. It will pass.
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Post by misssunnybunny on Apr 22, 2016 10:07:40 GMT -5
It is good you are writing and sharing your feelings! I think we all have had days like this. We are here to support each other through the tough times, and cheer the good ones.
Take care.
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Post by Chatter Fox on Apr 22, 2016 10:24:14 GMT -5
To dream is to be unrealistic. To hope for something better in life is a dream, a fantasy. So why dream in the first place if you will only to be disappointed? My whole married life has been a disappointment. So why do I feel so ashamed? Maybe sex is a dirty little deed that I need to remove from my screwed up little head. I think that maybe I have expected too much from a partner. I know I probably should resign to my fate and live this celibate life to the death because I don’t see any hope of this ever changing. After 30 years, I think I am too screwed up to change anything anyway. I know I probably shouldn't have written this, but just wanted to get it out. I am very very sorry for the rant, today is a bad day for me. Chin up, my friend. You may remember my bad day earlier this week. I feel completely better and it hasn't even been a week yet. This too shall pass. ...in the meantime... remember these points... Dreams are good Sex is a normal and healthy part of humanity Expecting your partner to willingly participate in your sex life, when you have agreed to a life of monogamy with said partner, is NOT placing unrealistic expectations on them. Its never too late. You are NOT screwed up. Hang in there. I know it's tough some days.  |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2016 15:15:53 GMT -5
To dream is to be unrealistic. To hope for something better in life is a dream, a fantasy. So why dream in the first place if you will only to be disappointed? My whole married life has been a disappointment. So why do I feel so ashamed? Maybe sex is a dirty little deed that I need to remove from my screwed up little head. I think that maybe I have expected too much from a partner. I know I probably should resign to my fate and live this celibate life to the death because I don’t see any hope of this ever changing. After 30 years, I think I am too screwed up to change anything anyway. I know I probably shouldn't have written this, but just wanted to get it out. I am very very sorry for the rant, today is a bad day for me. I understand, I still have days where I think I should go back to my refusing cheater. But then I have to remind myself of all the shit she put me through. It would not be worth it. And there is NO indication that she would stop |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2016 15:42:06 GMT -5
To dream is to be unrealistic. To hope for something better in life is a dream, a fantasy. So why dream in the first place if you will only to be disappointed? My whole married life has been a disappointment. So why do I feel so ashamed? Maybe sex is a dirty little deed that I need to remove from my screwed up little head. I think that maybe I have expected too much from a partner. I know I probably should resign to my fate and live this celibate life to the death because I don’t see any hope of this ever changing. After 30 years, I think I am too screwed up to change anything anyway. I know I probably shouldn't have written this, but just wanted to get it out. I am very very sorry for the rant, today is a bad day for me. Don't be sorry, you're doing what you're meant to do in this forum. I'm sorry you're having a bad day. Wanting sex doesn't make you screwed up, as you know many of us here would love a spouse who wanted and enjoyed sex. I wish you strength to get through this day and on to a better one. |
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Post by deleted on Apr 22, 2016 16:36:29 GMT -5
I have days like this. It's usually worse at night. When this happens, I try to do something else and dwell upon it later. It's a really shitty feeling.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2016 23:50:12 GMT -5
I've had bad days too. Days when I can't imagine anything better happening in my future. Days when I'm afraid all I have to look forward to is aging all alone, and then death.
But those days pass. I know now, from experience, that the feelings do pass. Hang in there!
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Post by sand5280 on Apr 23, 2016 2:26:06 GMT -5
I know I probably shouldn't have written this, but just wanted to get it out. I am very very sorry for the rant, today is a bad day for me. I seriously doubt that anyone here is going to mind, reading the thoughts that one of our friends simply needs to get out. |
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Post by snowman12345 on Apr 23, 2016 5:58:07 GMT -5
To dream is to be unrealistic. To hope for something better in life is a dream, a fantasy. So why dream in the first place if you will only to be disappointed? My whole married life has been a disappointment. So why do I feel so ashamed? Maybe sex is a dirty little deed that I need to remove from my screwed up little head. I think that maybe I have expected too much from a partner. I know I probably should resign to my fate and live this celibate life to the death because I don’t see any hope of this ever changing. After 30 years, I think I am too screwed up to change anything anyway. I know I probably shouldn't have written this, but just wanted to get it out. I am very very sorry for the rant, today is a bad day for me. RumRunner, I know for me just having this place to write out my feelings and thoughts is cathartic. But to have the additional benefit of people who listen and support what you have written is a godsend. I find just the act of putting things in black and white and the font of my choice, helps me to gather my thoughts and see things as they are - and as I would want them to be. It is good that you can see you can not change your wife to be the person you need her to be. That's right: NEED her to be. So you have established that she can not meet your needs, so you have three choices. Stay and accept sexlessness, stay and cheat, or go. But, you probably already knew that. You are now wrestling with the consequences of each of those choices. With that struggle each of us is alone. Good luck to you and I hope you find peace.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2016 11:25:57 GMT -5
To dream is to be unrealistic. To hope for something better in life is a dream, a fantasy. So why dream in the first place if you will only to be disappointed? My whole married life has been a disappointment. So why do I feel so ashamed? Maybe sex is a dirty little deed that I need to remove from my screwed up little head. I think that maybe I have expected too much from a partner. I know I probably should resign to my fate and live this celibate life to the death because I don’t see any hope of this ever changing. After 30 years, I think I am too screwed up to change anything anyway. I know I probably shouldn't have written this, but just wanted to get it out. I am very very sorry for the rant, today is a bad day for me. To dream of more for this marriage is unrealistic. To dream of more with a loving partner isn't. |
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Post by RumRunner on Apr 23, 2016 19:13:48 GMT -5
Thank you everyone for your support and understanding. I do get very frustrated and it seems that the happiness I want is way out of reach. I don't think that there is a good solution to this situation.
Thanks again everyone....
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Post by deleted on Apr 24, 2016 12:52:50 GMT -5
I have found it helpful to redefine the definition of happiness and not make it dependent on other people's actions. I would be a lot happier, if I was having sex with my wife, but I don't want to live in absolute misery because she won't. I used to get frustrated and angry. I still do from time to time, now it's just kind of sad. I feel sad because I can control the situation by leaving it, but I choose to stay. Now, it's time to think of something else.
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Post by RumRunner on Apr 24, 2016 19:49:28 GMT -5
I have found it helpful to redefine the definition of happiness and not make it dependent on other people's actions. I would be a lot happier, if I was having sex with my wife, but I don't want to live in absolute misery because she won't. I used to get frustrated and angry. I still do from time to time, now it's just kind of sad. I feel sad because I can control the situation by leaving it, but I choose to stay. Now, it's time to think of something else. This is true. I have used my hobbies to bring me some happiness, though it isn't the loving touching squeezing that I would much rather have. A diversion from the real world helps but the issues will always be there. I accept things for the way they are, but it still gets to me from time to time. |
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Post by deleted on Apr 24, 2016 20:43:11 GMT -5
I can totally dig that.
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