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Post by shamwow on Jan 2, 2017 11:56:15 GMT -5
I am fairly close to a degree, so it would take less money/time to complete my undergrad than to start from scratch in a trade that doesn't interest me. I don't think he wants me barefoot and pregnant, because he definitely wants me to go back to work. So I think it's a combo of mostly not wanting a vasectomy and also wanting a lot of kids, but we have 4 now and that's a lot these days. He said he'd get the vasectomy after he blew up when I signed the tubal release forms during my pregnancy in case I ended up with a c-section, but we'll see. We're not having sex right now and I have enough going on, so I haven't pushed the issue yet. That's good to hear. I'd knock that degree out as soon as is realistically feasible (obviously the kids come first). With the degree you're pursuing, is there any possibility of working remotely? That might help with the child care aspect. When you finally get your degree, though, may I suggest when you walk across the stage with a red cape and a big-ass "S" on the front? With all the things you're trying to juggle, you've earned it. |
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Post by lyn on Jan 2, 2017 12:43:12 GMT -5
i can't imagine what your going through with 3 young ones so close in age. That toll on your body, especially your hormones, would be enough to do me in I think. Couple that with the marital strife, your sister's battle, it's a wonder you're doing as well as you are my dear.. You sound like an amazing woman.
What's not helping is the dickish comments from your H. Did you respond in any way to his comments that your sitting around and the kids are running wild? Those types of comments are so hurtful, completely uncalled for, and obviously not true. Without starting WWIII, possibly tell him how much that hurt you - how you won't tolerate comments like that. Just because he's in law enforcement doesn't give him license to bring his shitty attitude home.
I hope you can get back to therapy........ or at the very least keep venting to your best friend and here, of course. Things will get easier - a spotless house does not make a happy home - love does......, just keep doing what you're doing - love your kids the best you can. (Get that degree - you're so close! Maybe when you're mom is back you can finish it up!)
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Post by litnerd on Jan 2, 2017 12:55:31 GMT -5
i can't imagine what your going through with 3 young ones so close in age. That toll on your body, especially your hormones, would be enough to do me in I think. Couple that with the marital strife, your sister's battle, it's a wonder you're doing as well as you are my dear.. You sound like an amazing woman. What's not helping is the dickish comments from your H. Did you respond in any way to his comments that your sitting around and the kids are running wild? Those types of comments are so hurtful, completely uncalled for, and obviously not true. Without starting WWIII, possibly tell him how much that hurt you - how you won't tolerate comments like that. Just because he's in law enforcement doesn't give him license to bring his shitty attitude home. I hope you can get back to therapy........ or at the very least keep venting to your best friend and here, of course. Things will get easier - a spotless house does not make a happy home - love does......, just keep doing what you're doing - love your kids the best you can. (Get that degree - you're so close! Maybe when you're mom is back you can finish it up!) I don't remember my exact words, but I was sarcastic and bitchy (it's my default defense mechanism). I left to go pick up the oldest from my in laws' and left the middle 2 with him. I didn't hurry to leave, let my SIL hold the baby for a bit, vented to her about her brother's attitude, and gave my BIL a ride back into town to pick up one of their cars. By the time I got home, H had packed away all of the Christmas stuff and swept the floors, and was in a super bitchy mood because the 4.5 and 3 year old weren't cooperating (they've been cooped up for a couple days because of bad weather, and it shows). He didn't say anything else about me letting the kids do whatever they want, though. |
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Post by nancyb on Jan 2, 2017 12:55:54 GMT -5
Your focus right now need to be on your new baby and children. Your H sounds like a bit a jerk from your story. Just saying. Breastfeeding to suppress libido? I always found the opposite to be true. . I sure hope your sister's okay . I was that way too Nanc. Boobs are wicked when they are in production mode.... I actually had some ha ha |
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Post by nancyb on Jan 2, 2017 13:14:37 GMT -5
"Perhapss something like photography, nursing, etc that don't require a degree to get started "
Shamwow: I sure as hell didn't get my nursing degree from some cracker jack box!
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Post by bballgirl on Jan 2, 2017 14:21:23 GMT -5
Congratulations!! This is a very stressful time in a marriage when you are in the baby phase. If you don't want to be pregnant again then he has to respect your wishes for your body. Babies are tough on a marriage but your H and you should find time to cultivate the marriage too. As well enjoy that baby, they grow up so fast! I guess I always forget how stressful it is. We were doing well about spending time together when he was off work, and I'm sure that's part of the reason things were good during that time. Now he's back to working a ton, and I'm just trying to survive the holidays. The holidays are stressful too! Trust me I get it! Children do not bring you closer in marriage. My mother always told me that and I believe it. Yes it gives you something to connect with but it doesn't cultivate the romantic relationship. Communication is so critical during this point in time. I think it would be a good idea for you to tell him how much you enjoyed your time with him while he was off and you understand that yes business before pleasure is important for the sake of living but you guys need to carve out 20 or 30 minutes a day to spend time together, preferably alone but if that's not possible go for a walk outside, lock your bedroom door while the kids take a nap or watch tv, figure out ways to reconnect because kids don't bring you closer. Parenting is hard work and marriage naturally lends itself to taking things for granted. There are things I should have done differently, maybe I would not be divorced, but I still stand by its his fault 90% lol. Of course I had to end on that note lol Also don't forget to have time for yourself - so important! |
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Post by shamwow on Jan 2, 2017 18:30:28 GMT -5
"Perhapss something like photography, nursing, etc that don't require a degree to get started " Shamwow: I sure as hell didn't get my nursing degree from some cracker jack box! Sorry Nancy. No disrespect intended. My mother in law was a nurse and I know she doesn't have a degree. That may no longer be the case to break into the profession. Sometimes when I don't know what I'm talking about my mouth is best used for chewing... |
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Post by litnerd on Jan 3, 2017 22:11:45 GMT -5
I guess I always forget how stressful it is. We were doing well about spending time together when he was off work, and I'm sure that's part of the reason things were good during that time. Now he's back to working a ton, and I'm just trying to survive the holidays. The holidays are stressful too! Trust me I get it! Children do not bring you closer in marriage. My mother always told me that and I believe it. Yes it gives you something to connect with but it doesn't cultivate the romantic relationship. Communication is so critical during this point in time. I think it would be a good idea for you to tell him how much you enjoyed your time with him while he was off and you understand that yes business before pleasure is important for the sake of living but you guys need to carve out 20 or 30 minutes a day to spend time together, preferably alone but if that's not possible go for a walk outside, lock your bedroom door while the kids take a nap or watch tv, figure out ways to reconnect because kids don't bring you closer. Parenting is hard work and marriage naturally lends itself to taking things for granted. There are things I should have done differently, maybe I would not be divorced, but I still stand by its his fault 90% lol. Of course I had to end on that note lol Also don't forget to have time for yourself - so important! I am definitely working on making time for myself. I have a standing MNO every month, so I'm looking forward to that. My SIL told me she wants to take my middle 2 once a week for me, too, so I can have a day to just do stuff for myself. Since I haven't had a standing "me day" since my brother and SIL moved out of the state this summer, I'm pretty excited at the prospect of just going shopping alone (or as alone as I can get with a new baby who's super attached to his boobs). H and I actually did manage to watch and mock the celebrities on celebrity apprentice last night after the kids were in bed, and that was after we took the kids to lunch at a '50s diner and to see Rogue One. I'm in a "self care accountability" group on FB, and I said last week during my check in that I'm working on finding grace for myself and keeping everyone alive. I know that operating in survival mode is definitely not helping my marriage, though. |
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