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Post by greatcoastal on Dec 31, 2016 11:33:07 GMT -5
Maybe there is a woman out there that can reach him and change him and make him want to be a better man. Unfortunately, I do not think that woman is me. Or a man, therapist, councilor, or group. The only way for it to work is for him to help himself. This will take years. You have been giving, and trying to be a night on a white horse. Even a rescuer needs rescuing. There are success stories out there of divorced couples getting along better after the divorce, and the family healing. |
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Post by becca on Dec 31, 2016 13:07:18 GMT -5
Thank you everyone for your encouraging words. I am always hesitant about posting and tend to do more stalking, but wow, does it really make a difference hearing the encouragement from all of you! The only reason I have been able to approach this with “eyes wide open” is from the strength I have received from reading so many of your stories. Thank you. -Just stay your course! DryCreek-Just keep being you… I am absolutely sure it will be alright. wewbwb-Eyes wide open…yours is a much brighter future. eternaloptimism-Go grab your happy life! @elle -the power to design your own world is within your power thebaffledking-Go and make your life a happy one! GeekGoddess-You are on top of this. You know exactly what is going on… unmatched-Break the chains and let the healing begin greatcoastal-Glad to see you are on top of things and see the big picture beachguy |
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Post by bballgirl on Dec 31, 2016 14:10:12 GMT -5
becca I can so relate to the comfortable feeling. My ex called last night and asked if me and the kids would want to go out with him. I said no but every once in a while I say yes for the sake of the family unit. We spent Christmas Day together and it was really nice but it ultimately boils down to my H could never share his sexuality with me. We couldn't cultivate that part of the relationship but as friends, roommates, co parents we can function and be amicable. Doubt sometimes creeps in but I know in my mind I made the right choice for my future and when I miss him, I know it's not really him I miss, it's what SHOULD HAVE BEEN that I miss. Stay strong and stay the course. Happy New Year! Xoxo
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Post by Pinkberry on Dec 31, 2016 18:02:13 GMT -5
I went out to dinner this evening with my H. I moved out weeks earlier but he had this gift card that was given to both of us and so I agreed to go. Surprisingly it was a nice evening. We talked about the kids and his work and our extended families. He didn't drink and informed me that he hadn't had a drink in 5 days. That was a pleasant surprise. It felt comfortable and I started wondering if I was doing the right thing. It wasn't so bad at home was it? As doubt started to creep in, I replayed some of the evenings conversations. -I told him about a presentation our teenage daughter had shared with me. I gave him the overall message and said I would send the link to him. His response was, "It's not necessary. You shared the highlights. I don't need to see it." This doesn't seem to be a big deal but the context is that he and his daughter haven't spoken in months. You would think he would want to see this video that had such an impact on her. Closed door. -I asked him if he had made any resolutions for the New Year. His response was, "No, that's all a bunch of bogus crap anyway" and he didn't ask me if I had any. Closed door. -When he told me he hadn't had a drink in 5 days, I did tell him how proud I was of him and encouraged him, again, to visit an AA meeting. His response was, "I got this and we are done with this conversation." Closed door. And this is before we even address the sexless marriage part! I feel like the dog that gets kicked by its owner and keeps coming back. I want 2017 to be different. I need 2017 to be different. This is the mistake that so many of the refused make. We assume that the world of love is black and white and that assessing people as good or bad is a binary problem to be solved. Furthermore, we assume that if a person is "good" that they can't be bad to be with for us. We, collectively, need to get out of this mindset. Just because a person is not 100% terrible, or tells a good story at dinner, or whatever positive quality doesn't mean that they are suited to be your partner. They do not have to be evil incarnate for you to reject them as not right for you, and you don't have to justify that rejection to anyone. |
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