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Post by Chatter Fox on Dec 27, 2016 21:25:20 GMT -5
I'm having a bad day parent-wise. Maybe it's because I've been home a lot through the holidays? I'm just burnt out today. I just feel like parenting is very hard for me. When I look at the day to day things, it doesn't look all that hard but it's so relentless. After 7 years of parenthood I'm just so unbelievably tired of the grind. Even little things like giving them a bath sometimes feels so unbelievably exhausting. The actual motions involved aren't that strenuous but I'm just so tired of doing it over and over and over again. Plus, dealing with the same relentless issues everyday just kill me. Like, for example, my oldest should be ok with me shampooing his hair by now but he still presses my buttons by resisting it or causing a big fuss about it. That's just one example but there are tons of other ones. I just have days like today where I'm not sure I'm quite cut out for it. I love them to death but they simply drive me absolutely insane. Even just their unrelenting need for my attention. I just can't keep playing with them like this. I'm pretty good at getting down on the floor and playing with them but it seems as though it's never enough. They don't get that I need my grown up time. I'm not a kid. I can't keep up with them all the time and they seem so devastated when I tell them I need to just take a break.
It just sucks too because, even though I'm a very involved father, it doesn't seem to be fully appreciated by my wife. Not all guys get as involved as me. I know my dad didn't spend nearly as much time taking care of me or my siblings as I do with my kids. It drives me nuts. I was just thinking today as I was changing my daughters diaper as to how many diapers my dad had to change. I wonder if he even knows how to do it. It's second nature to me. My wife does it more often than I do but I'm not that far behind I bet if you were able to count.
Then I think of the guys that do next to nothing for their kids that are getting laid regularly. It's a bunch of crap. Now granted, I don't do this stuff for sex ... that much is obvious. Still, it would be nice if the things I do for the kids just by being the kind of guy I am genuinely made my wife want to jump my bones, right?!
Ugh! ...anyway, I think I'm done ranting for today. Thanks for listening.
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Post by bballgirl on Dec 27, 2016 21:37:40 GMT -5
Trust me I understand and I did most of the work with the kids compared to my ex. Parenting is a thankless job, at least that's what my mother told me and I think she's right. It will get easier a couple more years and he'll be shampooing his own hair. The years go and the kids become more independent. It is important for you to set boundaries for yourself with your time so that you are not giving everything to the kids and having no time to yourself and don't feel guilty! Sometimes I took a day off work so that I could have a day to myself. I'd go out for breakfast, get a pedicure then go to a movie and be done before 3 so I could pick up the kids.
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Post by baza on Dec 27, 2016 22:16:08 GMT -5
I have a theory.
"If" you are getting a regular and satisfying root in your marriage, then matters like doing your share of the child care etc assume their proper place in the scheme of things and are not a big deal.
"If" you are NOT getting a regular and satisfying root in your marriage, then matters like doing your share of the child care etc assume epic proportions.
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I would stress however, that this is a theory. The "getting a regular and satisfying root" was absent in my deal, so I can't claim that my theory was tested in my deal, let alone proven.
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Post by JonDoe on Dec 27, 2016 22:26:11 GMT -5
Chatter Fox Parenting definitely has it's monotonous moments and challenging moments, but it also has a lot of rewarding moments too. Both of my kids are in college now so I rarely get to see them. I miss them very much! I realized a long time ago that they are only ours for a short time, then they set out into the world on their own. Have you tried occasionally letting the 7 year old wash his own hair with your supervision? It's also ok to skip a hair washing occasionally too.
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Post by bballgirl on Dec 27, 2016 22:39:21 GMT -5
I hope this gives you a laugh.  |
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Post by shamwow on Dec 27, 2016 23:51:45 GMT -5
No ifs ands or buts but that is tough age. Not old enough to take care of even their basic needs but they are at an age that requires strong supervision.
I used to be be ready to kill my kids at that age. If I wasn't ready it would have meant I didn't care. In time they get older and as I'm learning, sometimes don't want to hang with dad. As others have posted, eventually they won't be there at all.
My advice is to get them to do some of their "tasks" themselves under your supervision. They will make a huge mess of it at first, but with repetition and patience they will get it (and you will have one less thing on your plate).
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Post by eternaloptimism on Dec 28, 2016 4:39:31 GMT -5
I reckon the thing with parenting is this. Yep, must of us chose to be parents, accidents aside, however, even most accidental pregnancies COULD be terminated if the parents so decided. So effectively, the vast majority of parents "chose" to become so. HOWEVER nobody can prepare another human for the enormity of the task. Nobody. I dont care care how many siblings or nieces and nephews people looked after when growing up, until you have your own child you have no clue. The relentlessness and total responsibility for another human is immensely all encompassing. But once you're in, you're in. Ive had tonnes of days when I wished I'd never had kids. Honestly. It's true. Still now i imagine shutting the door behind me and never coming back. I love my boys with every morsel of my being BUT they do my head in a lot of the time! Mine are 8 and 15 now so the light at the end of the tunnel is starting to come into sight. But it's a daily fight. I try to think of it like this. They are mine for a short time so I can prepare them to become independent adults. Hopefully semi sane too. i notice with the eldest now that he is becoming more of a man everyday. Little one still has a lon way to go but I notice small changes all the time. My my only hope is that the disfunction between me and the man doesn't defect them too badly. I do try to teach them to form their own views and have their own values. My golden rule rule is to treat others as you would have them treat you. Be good, be kind, but take care of you too! And..... if they haven't left by the time they're 18.... I reserve the right to leave instead lol! keep going on that treadmill Chatter Fox. There's plenty time for them to repay you by wiping your arse when you are too old to do it yourself ha ha xxx |
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Post by Chatter Fox on Dec 28, 2016 12:12:07 GMT -5
Thank you everyone! I really needed that. Sometimes just knowing that I'm not the only one that struggles is all the help I need. Today is better by the way. It's helping that I'm back at work. I'm recharging my daddy batteries. Lol. That'll be a huge difference maker. I needed to get away from the house a bit. If I had to open one more new toy from its box I was going to lose it. Who decides to tie up these things up with so many hidden plastic ties and tabs? Lol. Ok, I better stop there or I'll end up on another rant.  |
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Post by shamwow on Dec 28, 2016 13:24:00 GMT -5
Thank you everyone! I really needed that. Sometimes just knowing that I'm not the only one that struggles is all the help I need. Today is better by the way. It's helping that I'm back at work. I'm recharging my daddy batteries. Lol. That'll be a huge difference maker. I needed to get away from the house a bit. If I had to open one more new toy from its box I was going to lose it. Who decides to tie up these things up with so many hidden plastic ties and tabs? Lol. Ok, I better stop there or I'll end up on another rant. Getting out of the house is essential for both you and your wife. One of the things that kind of falls by the wayside after marriage and kids is friendships. It's kind of natural if you think about it. You only have so many hours per day and so much energy. Marriage and kids become your top priority and everything else slides. When my kids were about your kids age, I bought a motorcycle (something I'd always wanted). A buddy of mine and I have traveled to Florida, Arkansas, the Texas gulf coast, etc... It definitely recharges the batteries and gets some "guy time" in. It might not be a motorcycle for you, but pick up some lost hobbies and reconnect with disconnected friends. If they are married (even if happily married), you will be doing them a favor as well as yourself. I don't know where this idea our society has that in a marriage it is natural to disconnect over time from your long-held friends, but it's stupid as hell. Everyone needs a break sometimes. |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2016 12:42:38 GMT -5
I have a theory. "If" you are getting a regular and satisfying root in your marriage, then matters like doing your share of the child care etc assume their proper place in the scheme of things and are not a big deal. "If" you are NOT getting a regular and satisfying root in your marriage, then matters like doing your share of the child care etc assume epic proportions. - - I would stress however, that this is a theory. The "getting a regular and satisfying root" was absent in my deal, so I can't claim that my theory was tested in my deal, let alone proven. This. It's not "everything is great bar the sex." It's not even "more or better sex would solve all our problems." It's more like, "Good, regular sex makes the inevitable problems easier to deal with." |
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Post by shamwow on Dec 29, 2016 12:52:41 GMT -5
I have a theory. "If" you are getting a regular and satisfying root in your marriage, then matters like doing your share of the child care etc assume their proper place in the scheme of things and are not a big deal. "If" you are NOT getting a regular and satisfying root in your marriage, then matters like doing your share of the child care etc assume epic proportions. - - I would stress however, that this is a theory. The "getting a regular and satisfying root" was absent in my deal, so I can't claim that my theory was tested in my deal, let alone proven. This. It's not "everything is great bar the sex." It's not even "more or better sex would solve all our problems." It's more like, "Good, regular sex makes the inevitable problems easier to deal with." Sex is "marital fix-a-flat" If you have a problem with the engine, it won't do you any good. If you have a flat tire, it will get you to the next gas station. But it, alone, isn't enough to have a healthy relationship. Only now, years later, do I realize I have been nagging my wife over a symptom (flat tire) and not the underlying problem (engine on fire). But ,then again, I've never been very good with cars (or women)  |
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