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Post by darktippedrose on Dec 25, 2016 1:06:26 GMT -5
I personally don't celebrate Christmas, but for some reason, its all in the air anyways.
And my emotions are all over the place. Kind of feeling overwhelmed. I have no idea why I"m even feeling it so hard right now. But I am. And of course, he ignores us. He's busy praying, and praying. Watching soccer videos and only coming down for food.
I'm just feeling the loneliness much harder right now.
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Post by baza on Dec 25, 2016 5:49:50 GMT -5
Xmas, if you get involved, is a time of extra stress.
The ILIASM shithole continues - as ever it did - and that's a constant.
Xmas, is a "bonus" stress.
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Xmas adds on more seasonal stress, what with having to deal with idiot relatives, dickhead spouses like Mr dtr etc etc.
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It is hard NOT to get involved though I find.
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I hate xmas, Ms enna loves it.
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It is my least preferred time of the year, and the most likely time - by far - for us to have major disagreements.
We are in the middle of one right now, and it chucks me back into "the good old days" of my ILIASM deal.
I fucken hate it.
The sooner it's over the better.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 25, 2016 9:31:04 GMT -5
darktippedrose I only celebrate it for the sake of my nine nieces and nephews. I've become more and more agnostic as I've aged. I find that more open-minded anyway. I hate this time of year, from Halloween to my mother's birthday on January 12. She passed ten years ago November. The weather turning colder, less sunshine, the stress. Not to mention the lack of help with holiday preparations from my dick of a husband. If I don't do it, it doesn't get done. I feel extremely overwhelmed too. 😔
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Post by shamwow on Dec 25, 2016 11:24:48 GMT -5
I get angry this time of year. Combine that with the fact the ground is too cold to dig a proper grave to dispose of the bodies and it is just a crappy time of year.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Dec 25, 2016 13:06:49 GMT -5
I find it a crappy time of year. I do try to keep a pagan outlook-- we gather together to show warmth in rebellion against the cold & the dark outside at this season. Inside the shithole, this was more hypocritical than it is now.
But it still bums me out at times.
Happy Hanukkah,
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Post by DryCreek on Dec 25, 2016 15:44:26 GMT -5
I get angry this time of year. Combine that with the fact the ground is too cold to dig a proper grave to dispose of the bodies and it is just a crappy time of year. Dude, plan ahead! You've probably heard the expression... "Dig your well before you're thirsty." |
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Post by darktippedrose on Dec 25, 2016 16:26:15 GMT -5
thank you! its hard. I don't even know why the emotions come up. for some reason, it just feels more intense. Mr. Grumpy is upstairs, praying, eating, watching soccer videos.
he rarely comes down. ughhh.
I'm thinking of taking a nap here soon.
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Post by kiltedpadre on Dec 25, 2016 23:34:41 GMT -5
I get angry this time of year. Combine that with the fact the ground is too cold to dig a proper grave to dispose of the bodies and it is just a crappy time of year. It's never too cold if you know someone with access to a backhoe. |
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Post by waiting4what on Dec 26, 2016 0:25:37 GMT -5
It is my least preferred time of the year, and the most likely time - by far - for us to have major disagreements. We are in the middle of one right now, and it chucks me back into "the good old days" of my ILIASM deal. I fucken hate it. The sooner it's over the better. Baz, I hope you and Enna have gotten past your disagreement by now -- at least these days there's the prospect of having fun making up after a fight! Much love to you both, W4W |
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Post by JonDoe on Dec 26, 2016 12:02:38 GMT -5
Baz, I hope you and Enna have gotten past your disagreement by now -- at least these days there's the prospect of having fun making up after a fight! Having fun making up after a fight? You mean make up sex? What's that? I've heard of it, but have never personally experienced it in 25 years of marriage. She holds a grudge until she forgets why she's mad at it me, even when her reason for being mad at me is invalidated. |
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Post by wewbwb on Dec 26, 2016 12:12:44 GMT -5
I have always disliked Christmas. For me it's personal. However, as I've aged and have become more Buddhist, ironically, I understand Christmas better. It IS about family, forgiveness, love, and good memories.
In the wise words of my greatest therapist (Doctor Who) Christmas is about being "halfway out of the darkness". (Or the "winter solstice" as us heathens call it)
See as many friends as you can.Call as many friends as you can.
Wish them peace love and joy.
Odds are, you will know someone who dies this year.
Make the effort, even if it's stressful, it will be worth it.
If you have a partner who thinks its about money or gifts, remind them.
If they don't help with plans, ask them to (How about a Christmas miracle? Help me do this? And do it my way so it's done right.)
This is a celebration of life that predates religious beliefs.
I don't think any religion would have an issue with someone reaching out to loved ones to say "I value you in my life and you are special."
The best gift I received was on a warm voice on a phone call.
Everything else is just "stuff".
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Post by Deleted on Dec 26, 2016 17:32:24 GMT -5
Holidays ARE tough. So much togetherness with someone who doesn't really want you isn't easy. Hugs to all for making it through!
I absolutely love Christmas, but I have to say, this was the first year I felt acutely that I just don't love my H anymore. It hurt me to feel that way. The fight is over. Ironically, or maybe not (?), I even felt sorry for my H that I don't love him, and I really wish he had someone who did, who still could.
I loved him for almost 20 years. But he systematically destroyed us. My heart has been broken too many times.
Everybody stay strong for New Year's Eve! That's even worse than Christmas for me because H is a drinker. I'll be leaving a wide berth. ;-)
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Post by darktippedrose on Dec 27, 2016 14:50:59 GMT -5
Holidays ARE tough. So much togetherness with someone who doesn't really want you isn't easy. Hugs to all for making it through! I absolutely love Christmas, but I have to say, this was the first year I felt acutely that I just don't love my H anymore. It hurt me to feel that way. The fight is over. Ironically, or maybe not (?), I even felt sorry for my H that I don't love him, and I really wish he had someone who did, who still could. I loved him for almost 20 years. But he systematically destroyed us. My heart has been broken too many times. Everybody stay strong for New Year's Eve! That's even worse than Christmas for me because H is a drinker. I'll be leaving a wide berth. ;-) this is how I feel. shortly after I got married, I started to love my husband. But I think that I loved him more than he loved me. To be honest with you. He didn't want me to love him because he didn't want me wail over him when he dies one day. After he left me for 5 months after the kidz were diagnosed with autism (he wanted us to move to Morocco), with the way he acted, i loved and didn't love him half and half. He said it would take him a while to forgive me for what I did to him. (For those that don't know, I freaked when he wanted to take another wife for the 2end time and I found a receipt for a hotel, so he could get used to sleeping away from me). Over the years, I love him less and less and less. I don't think I love him so much as I miss and mourn the man he pretended to be. |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Dec 27, 2016 15:09:02 GMT -5
Ouch, this: I miss and mourn the man he pretended to be.
I miss and mourn the person that my Ex really had been. At one time, he really was a light-hearted person. His humor is very smart. But it turned to "cutting" instead. It (he) lost the playfulness of it. His fear killed his love of life. That old hippie dude is the one I miss. The polite man I saw the other day is far better than the bitter end of our SM phase. He hadn't seen me in about 4 months and he was pleasant, welcoming, very kind even. That was nice. He'll never the old him again. I get it that we all age and we all change. So it was nice to at least see this kind version of him on Xmas Eve. It wasn't stilted or weird. He just was being nice. And that is at least better than certain other points in time or phases.
But yeah - missing the old versions of the refusers - that sums up what I mourned for.
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