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Post by lwoetin on Feb 13, 2018 4:14:33 GMT -5
the immaculate conception is a Catholic doctrine about Mary, not Jesus, and nothing to do about lack of sex but the lack of sin. The Pope wants you to screw your brains out and have babies in marriage. Yeah, just trying to reference a sexless (or near sexless) conception. Got kicked out of the Catholic church over convalidation, I'll be able to go back after divorce though (sad irony). not often that I hear the church kicking people out. It tries so hard to get people in. It's interesting about the irony of divorce opening the door to church. I haven't looked deep into how divorce would affect me at church. The godparents of my daughter divorced. Years later I saw him with a much younger female at mass. He was receiving Communion like all of us. It's complicated. |
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Post by xpiatio on Feb 13, 2018 20:57:19 GMT -5
Hello! I have been a lurker for a while. I've been married for 3 years. Just had our first child but even more that the marriage was clinically a SM. I found the site when I heard both my brother and best friend live in a SM. They do have it worse than I do, although even my marriage could be considered to be clinically sexless. Very short story. I don't think I have time to go into my story. My time is filled with taking care of our baby.
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Post by baza on Feb 13, 2018 21:10:53 GMT -5
If you've been lurking for a while xpiatio then you have probably - like most people - been learning vicariously through other peoples experiences and stories. Welcome to the zoo. |
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Post by ultrajko on Feb 14, 2018 14:42:33 GMT -5
Healthy, active and full time employed 75 year old male living with "a roommate who cooks" instead of a wife--tons of hobbies and a great dog to keep my sanity but jeez I miss feeling wanted by something other than a rescued pit bull! At what age do you just give up and say "that goes with the age"?
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Post by hopingforachange on Feb 14, 2018 15:34:33 GMT -5
Healthy, active and full time employed 75 year old male living with "a roommate who cooks" instead of a wife--tons of hobbies and a great dog to keep my sanity but jeez I miss feeling wanted by something other than a rescued pit bull! At what age do you just give up and say "that goes with the age"? When your 6ft under. |
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Post by WindSister on Feb 15, 2018 19:05:08 GMT -5
Hi! Five seconds ago I was known as "awakeforthedance." I changed my display name to WindSister for a couple reasons: 1. "Awakeforthedance" was my EP name as I worked through coming to terms with being in an SM, wanting to get out of one, getting out of one, healing, dating...moving on. The name fit me then because it was like waking up from a 15 year fog, 10 of which were completely sexless, and I started to enjoy life (dance). It doesn't fit now, though, it feels pretentious to me.... I will be the first to admit I have a lot of ideas I am passionate about, but I don't know everything and I still have a lot to learn. 2. Windsister is a term my biker friends use a lot. Of all the biker names I have thought of, this one fits me the best... I am not a girl or a babe or a bitch (well, unless you think I am). I am more of the hippy rider type. 3. This is a new time in my life, I'm embracing it... I love riding in the wind with my new, non-SM husband side by side. I stick around for all the reasons found in the ILIASM Gym thread. You'll get used to this name. Thanks!! And to get deep, because it's what I do.... life is just like this. Who do you want to be? Now, BE that person. 😍 ETA: I will try not to be so long-winded from now on. I know I may have come on strong my first year back here. Thanks for putting up with me.  |
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Post by baza on Feb 15, 2018 19:49:40 GMT -5
Well WindSister , oftentimes in here people arrive calling themselves "fuckedupinLA" or "trappedinNZ" or "2oldtoroot" or "dunnowot2do" and similar, giving some huge clues about where their heads are at the time. Sometimes, as they get further in to their journey they change their name (like "lonely" changed his up to "nolongerlonely") to reflect his changed mindset. Then there's the totally unimaginative types who just use a derivative of their actual name - like "baza" !! I like your re-brand Sister. |
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heckbill
New Member
Posts: 2
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by heckbill on Feb 17, 2018 13:28:22 GMT -5
Hi all,
Married for 25 years and have been lonely for 6-8 of them.
I acted on my frustrations and was found out.
Now, I am the bad guy. We get along, but i truly believe for me withholding of sensual touch and sex is a form of punishment.
I am trying very hard to maintain my monogamy. It seems the longer things go the more I think about it.
Just was shot down this morning. I have made my mind up I will not attempt any longer.
Men and women are wired so differently. I am having a very difficult time trying to figure it out.
I am so glad I found this site.
Hope to learn and decide what direction my life should go.
I keep asking myself,"why dont I leave?" It certainly isnt money as I am the bread winner. But then again I do put myself through the thoughts of imagining her struggling financially. I do not want that.
When things changed she became distant. But, so did I. The sex stopped with the reasoning from her that it was all I wanted.
We lived this way for years, until I gave in and acted on a flirt. I felt alive again. Until she found me out.
We split for 4 months. Decided we would go to couples therapy. She has made it clear that she definitely does not want sex until she is ready (control).
It has been 8 months since I moved back, still no sex. She undresses in front of me bathes in front of me, but dont touch her in bed. I am rattling on. I feel as though I am wasting my life away. I am fit, take good care of myself as does she. I feel as though it would only take one compliment , 1 flirt and I would pursue. But I would be the blame for any ramifications. I do love her but resentment and anger are back.
Sorry I rambled, letting this out makes it a bit better.
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Post by northstarmom on Feb 17, 2018 17:19:14 GMT -5
"Now, I am the bad guy. We get along, but i truly believe for me withholding of sensual touch and sex is a form of punishment.
I am trying very hard to maintain my monogamy. It seems the longer things go the more I think about it.
Just was shot down this morning. I have made my mind up I will not attempt any longer.
Men and women are wired so differently. I am having a very difficult time trying to figure it out.
I am so glad I found this site.
Hope to learn and decide what direction my life should go.
I keep asking myself,"why dont I leave?" It certainly isnt money as I am the bread winner. But then again I do put myself through the thoughts of imagining her struggling financially. I do not want that. "
If you read the posts here, you'll find the ratio of men:women who want sex but are refused is about 1:1. Thus, there are plenty of women who love sex but who, as is the case with you, are married to men who aren't interested in sex wtih you.
In some jurisdictions such as mine (Florida) after one has been married at least 10 years, your spouse is entitled to 50% of all assets/debts that the couple has. This includes 50% of each other's 401k. The exception is that one's spouse isn't entitled to money that you inherited. Also, alimony may be required based, I think, on length of marriage and other considerations. I chose a bigger percentage of assets instead of getting alimony. I live in a no-fault divorce state so unfaithfulness doesn't affect the settlement.
Yes, you can go to a lawyer and say you plan to divorce in several years. The lawyer then can tell you how -- according to current law -- your divorce would shake out financially and otherwise. If you are in the U.S., I believe that there's something in the recently passed tax law that may affect the financial aspects of divorce depending on when you divorce.
Where I live,the first visit to a lawyer is free, and the lawyer will ask a bunch of questions and give you a rough idea of the divorce process and how the financials will work out. From what I've seen here, in many places, the first visit to a lawyer is free.
The sooner you go to a lawyer, the better you can make decisions about what to do about your marriage.
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Post by daytonadan on Feb 19, 2018 14:45:10 GMT -5
First time here. I'm 57 been with my wife since we started dating in 14 after my wife of 22 years passed away. Married in 15 didn't manage to successfully consummate our marriage till this year. We had sex once before marriage. A few attempts after marriage but failed due to my inability to keep an erection with someone who is not interested or really responding. Finally made it happen a few months ago but nothing since. I have never had such an experience in the past kind of lost in the whole problem.
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Post by ironhamster on Feb 23, 2018 12:43:39 GMT -5
First time here. I'm 57 been with my wife since we started dating in 14 after my wife of 22 years passed away. Married in 15 didn't manage to successfully consummate our marriage till this year. We had sex once before marriage. A few attempts after marriage but failed due to my inability to keep an erection with someone who is not interested or really responding. Finally made it happen a few months ago but nothing since. I have never had such an experience in the past kind of lost in the whole problem. Welcome, daytonadan. If it is just an ED issue, there are remedies from pills to shots to surgery that can correct that. Even without the correction, there are still other options for intimacy. If she has no desire to be intimate, there is very little you can do to fix that. |
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Post by logicguy on Feb 25, 2018 2:52:11 GMT -5
Hello guys. I am new to this forum and just like everyone else, not really wanting to be in this forum and would much rather be in a forum for a spouse wanting too much sex. I have been married to my wife for 7 years. Sex when dating was off the charts. Sex when we got married was great for the first 2 to 3 years, then started to change.
My situation is better then many of you, but still not where I want to be. Our sex life just keeps getting less and less. We had sex about 9 times last year, we did have sex once this year so far. However, I get told no about 90% of the time and she does not feel that it is that big of a deal. I have a very strong sex drive and I love to feel the closeness that sex brings.
Sometimes I just need to vent and I want to address this before I get into a situation where it is years with no sex.
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Post by baza on Feb 25, 2018 5:33:07 GMT -5
"Sex was off the charts when we were dating" - presumably you were dating for a couple of years (?) "Sex was great for the first 3 years of marriage". "We've been married 7 years". So, you have had 5 initial years of pretty ok rooting Then, about 4 years of pretty poor rooting. And the graph shows a steep falling trajectory. What are you actually prepared to do at this point Brother logicguy ? |
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Post by csl on Feb 25, 2018 16:53:43 GMT -5
Hello guys. I am new to this forum and just like everyone else, not really wanting to be in this forum and would much rather be in a forum for a spouse wanting too much sex. I have been married to my wife for 7 years. Sex when dating was off the charts. Sex when we got married was great for the first 2 to 3 years, then started to change. My situation is better then many of you, but still not where I want to be. Our sex life just keeps getting less and less. We had sex about 9 times last year, we did have sex once this year so far. However, I get told no about 90% of the time and she does not feel that it is that big of a deal. I have a very strong sex drive and I love to feel the closeness that sex brings. Sometimes I just need to vent and I want to address this before I get into a situation where it is years with no sex. Just a couple of items of data for you to process in your logic system: 1. You said that you and you wife had sex 9 times last year. By clinical definition, a sexless marriage is one in which sex occurs 10 times or less in a year. You are in a clinical sexless marriage. 2. You are refused 90% of the time that you initiate. In other words, your wife's Default switch is set to NO. Circles I "run in" believe that the Default of a loving, generous spouse is set to Yes. (This not to say that sex on demand is required, but that generosity and caring make sex likely rather than refusal.) As Baza points out, the plotting of your sex life is a steep graph, and asks what you are actually prepared to do? The key word in his question is do - if you do nothing, nothing will change. But the thing is that doing something can be mostly likely will be costly. It's only when the situation becomes intolerable that you will do something; until then, you will tolerate. |
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Post by 38revolutions on Feb 25, 2018 18:10:53 GMT -5
hello everyone
well this is the first time I have joined anything like this but obviously not the only person
I'm under 40 , male and definitely within the clinical definition of a sexless marriage
Lately I am really starting to get depressed about it , even constantly wondering if my wife is cheating on me
I can't get the idea out of my head that she is , just a lot of little things that have gone on
I did ask her about it and she flat out said it isn't happening
But neither is our sex life , I feel really inadequate like it's my fault
Im not good enough for some reason ?
Does everyone end up feeling like that ?
What am I supposed to do ? I love my wife to bits but I agreed to get married to share intimacy with one person I didnt agree to a life of celibacy with over arching tones of jealousy if I talk to other women
I feel like such a whiner saying all this because a lot of my life is great , my two kids are just amazing I love them with all my heart
I began to think she was cheating not so long ago , with some guy she worked with , I had to confront her about a text I saw by accident ( she left the phone in car and she never does that ) the last text was right there on the phone with love hearts as part of message
I freaked out and said it wasnt appropriate and she agreed it wasnt man I think Im such an idiot what a horrible feeling
so now this guys number has been deleted from the phone but I know that since then she lied to me about leaving for work early because she was heading over to where he was working and obviously didnt want me to know ( was part of her work day to do so for sure )
but that element of flat out lying to my face about what she was doing really messed me up when combined with the sexless , un interested no passion
i dont know what to do
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