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Court
Dec 31, 2016 19:15:21 GMT -5
Post by tamara68 on Dec 31, 2016 19:15:21 GMT -5
Pinkberry She doesn't respond to me, or if she does send an e-mail, it is clearly dictated by her dad. She (but really her dad) writes that she doesn't want to come until I pay all the bills. She says her dad takes care for her and I don't (because I pay only a little for her and that is not enough). So I am bad for putting them in a bad situation. He doesn't have a job and is also not willing to look for one. Within a few months most likely they will be forced to leave the rental apartment. I think at that point at the latest she should come with me. Unless he is going to take her away to live with his dad.
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Post by wewbwb on Dec 31, 2016 22:12:26 GMT -5
I am sorry tamara68 it sounds like this vile man is using your daughter as a bargaining tool. It is despicable, as he is. A man, in any culture, is duty bound to provide and protect those unable to themselves. Not use them for their own gain. I do not have the words to express my anger. This poor excuse for a man cannot provide for himself and at minimum, his daughter. Yet expects you to. He needs to "be learned some lessons" as we have said on "The Deuce" (Sorry, is my New York showing?) But in all seriousness, he is reprehensible. Regardless of his biology, he is no man. I know plenty of women with bigger balls than him. |
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Post by tamara68 on Jan 1, 2017 9:04:15 GMT -5
wewbwb thanks, it is good for me to get reassurance that it is he who should do something to provide for him and our daughter. I don't want it to be all up to me. I only want to provide for her and not for him any longer. I hope I have bigger balls than him lol
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Post by wewbwb on Jan 1, 2017 9:22:13 GMT -5
tamara68 Ants have bigger balls than him. Not to take away from you. You are certainly a strong, brave and ballsy woman. Keep that shit up.
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Post by tamara68 on Jan 1, 2017 10:46:34 GMT -5
tamara68 Ants have bigger balls than him. Not to take away from you. You are certainly a strong, brave and ballsy woman. Keep that shit up. Ants are the right league for him. There is a reason I regularly called him 'mierenneuker' (ants fucker) meaning nit-picker. |
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Post by Pinkberry on Jan 3, 2017 19:02:46 GMT -5
It sounds awful tamara68, I'm sorry to hear it. I'd ask the judge to split time between you, and to court order family counseling. That is a reasonable request. Furthermore, you can ask a judge to prohibit any adults from discussing money with her, child support, work, or living arrangements. Even if you were a huge dirtbag not financially supporting your family, she should NOT be hearing that from her father as that is none of her business and is irrelevant in her relationship with you.
I think I'd also ask for 50-50 temporary custody until things are finalized. Unless he can prove that you are an unfit parent, there is no reason not to grant that to you. She needs a chance to see you free from her father's judgement.
Please ask you attorney about all of this and if he/she is not receptive, then find out about getting a mediator or guardian ad litem appointed as soon as possible. There needs to be an objective party looking out for your daughter's best interests only. I think such an appointee would work in your favor in the long run.
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Court
Jan 4, 2017 6:00:45 GMT -5
Post by tamara68 on Jan 4, 2017 6:00:45 GMT -5
Pinkberry There is no way that my stbx would ever agree to or attend family counseling. Or that anything good would come from that. Initially I have asked for shared custody, with full custody for me about decisions about schooling. The judge didn't like that idea, and he clearly wasn't very positive about my stbx. So now I am going with my lawyer's advice and ask full custody. However, since my daughter is nearly sixteen, it is going to be difficult. If I get full custody, what to do when she doesn't want to live with me, have her brought to me by the police? It is totally not sure what is going to happen. It is even possible she would be sent to foster parents for a while. I have no idea. Youth care is getting involved now. I have an appointment in a few weeks. They will probably going to give an advice to the judge. It will be hard for them too to figure out what is best for my daughter.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Jan 4, 2017 7:49:55 GMT -5
Pinkberry There is no way that my stbx would ever agree to or attend family counseling. Or that anything good would come from that. Initially I have asked for shared custody, with full custody for me about decisions about schooling. The judge didn't like that idea, and he clearly wasn't very positive about my stbx. So now I am going with my lawyer's advice and ask full custody. However, since my daughter is nearly sixteen, it is going to be difficult. If I get full custody, what to do when she doesn't want to live with me, have her brought to me by the police? It is totally not sure what is going to happen. It is even possible she would be sent to foster parents for a while. I have no idea. Youth care is getting involved now. I have an appointment in a few weeks. They will probably going to give an advice to the judge. It will be hard for them too to figure out what is best for my daughter. I think people here in the states may not quite get that in Europe a child has adult rights to do as they want at 16, legally and socially, where as here it's 18 |
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Court
Jan 4, 2017 8:19:31 GMT -5
Post by tamara68 on Jan 4, 2017 8:19:31 GMT -5
Pinkberry There is no way that my stbx would ever agree to or attend family counseling. Or that anything good would come from that. Initially I have asked for shared custody, with full custody for me about decisions about schooling. The judge didn't like that idea, and he clearly wasn't very positive about my stbx. So now I am going with my lawyer's advice and ask full custody. However, since my daughter is nearly sixteen, it is going to be difficult. If I get full custody, what to do when she doesn't want to live with me, have her brought to me by the police? It is totally not sure what is going to happen. It is even possible she would be sent to foster parents for a while. I have no idea. Youth care is getting involved now. I have an appointment in a few weeks. They will probably going to give an advice to the judge. It will be hard for them too to figure out what is best for my daughter. I think people here in the states may not quite get that in Europe a child has adult rights to do as they want at 16, legally and socially, where as here it's 18 Legally she does not have adult rights here too until she is 18. But in custody normally the child's preference is very important and usually the judge follows the wish of a child of this age. Unless the judge is convinced that the parent she prefers is not right for her. |
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Post by baza on Jan 4, 2017 22:06:27 GMT -5
Tactically, you schedule family counselling, and fully document that you have done so.
When he fails to attend, you fully document that.
And that evidence your lawyer puts before the judge.
All part of the process of presenting yourself to the as the reasonable sensible realistic and truthful spouse in these proceedings.
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Post by Pinkberry on Jan 5, 2017 1:20:04 GMT -5
I think people here in the states may not quite get that in Europe a child has adult rights to do as they want at 16, legally and socially, where as here it's 18 Legally she does not have adult rights here too until she is 18. But in custody normally the child's preference is very important and usually the judge follows the wish of a child of this age. Unless the judge is convinced that the parent she prefers is not right for her. Aside from custody, I wasn't suggesting that your ex would agree to counseling. I was suggesting to ask the judge to order it as a condition of the custody and divorce proceedings. Perhaps that is not common where you are, but it is an option here in the States and I've seen it used often. It is perhaps worth looking into. As for your daughter and her right to choose, does the father not also have to prove that he can provide for her? I think the best thing you can do is ask your attorney for all possible options. Hopefully you have a good one who isn't afraid of a battle. |
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Post by tamara68 on Jan 6, 2017 14:14:24 GMT -5
Legally she does not have adult rights here too until she is 18. But in custody normally the child's preference is very important and usually the judge follows the wish of a child of this age. Unless the judge is convinced that the parent she prefers is not right for her. Aside from custody, I wasn't suggesting that your ex would agree to counseling. I was suggesting to ask the judge to order it as a condition of the custody and divorce proceedings. Perhaps that is not common where you are, but it is an option here in the States and I've seen it used often. It is perhaps worth looking into. As for your daughter and her right to choose, does the father not also have to prove that he can provide for her? I think the best thing you can do is ask your attorney for all possible options. Hopefully you have a good one who isn't afraid of a battle. That could be a good idea, I will discuss that with my lawyer. |
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Post by tamara68 on Jan 7, 2017 8:50:32 GMT -5
I have decided not to pay the rent for my stbx. So the eviction of stbx is going to be inevitable.
Today I have received a letter from court about this issue. The landlord has started the procedure. On 16th january it will be in court. According to my lawyer it will take several months till the eviction will be executed. So that should not happen until our next court session in february is planned where decisions have to be made about where my daughter is going to live.
The landlord is demanding a lot of money. The overdue rent, a fine and the deposit. And the costs of clearing the house are not even mentioned yet. It will probably going to cost at least 8000 euro. Maybe more. It would have been completely impossible without the inheritance from my mother.
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Post by shamwow on Jan 7, 2017 14:00:20 GMT -5
I'm sorry to hear that Tamara just read the thread from the beginning and my heart goes out to you and what you are going through. Makes my problems sound like garden variety shit.
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Post by tamara68 on Jan 7, 2017 14:36:49 GMT -5
I'm sorry to hear that Tamara just read the thread from the beginning and my heart goes out to you and what you are going through. Makes my problems sound like garden variety shit. Thank you. My current problems are easy compared to what life was like when I still lived with my stbx. Everything is relative. |
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