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Post by Deleted on Apr 21, 2016 8:15:03 GMT -5
It might be beneficial for you/your lawyer to compile a summary of their shenanigans for the judge's review. Just print and highlight, perhaps with comments in the margin. This is not the judge's first rodeo, and this crap may net his lawyer a surprise. Oh, you have no idea how happy I am that all this is in writing! My lawyer is thrilled that she can show the judge how they've drawn out the process and made it impossible to get a fair settlement signed. We've been assigned a good judge - she's been in Family Court for a long time and has a reputation for being fair. It's definitely in my favor that my lawyer knows the judge and has been in her court many times. No one seems to have ever heard of his lawyer and her inexperience in Family Law is going to hurt them in front of the judge. This may make me sound like a horrible person, but I sincerely hope to see him and his lawyer embarrassed in court - I fantasize about the judge basically bitching them both out. I'm aware that's highly unlikely, but I can dream! |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 21, 2016 8:19:31 GMT -5
I'll leave the legal stuff to those with experience, but I just want to give you a big ol hug, and put your STBX in a car driven by Toonces. He's a real piece... I had to look up Toonces and now I'm laughing my ass off! Thank you for the laugh and the hug - I need both! |
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Post by greatcoastal on Apr 21, 2016 8:29:16 GMT -5
It's hard, really , really hard!! I am so much with you! Heck just the thought of messing up the dogs life bothers me!
This is when you need support, others who will be a backbone for you. To carry your armor into battle!
Just an example, ( a me too moment, I TRY not to mention myself to much, hope it's helpful) my tenant has not paid his rent this month. I gave him three chances. I should not have to contact him at all , he should be finding me! We have an agreement, a legal lease. I can charge him late fees. He is separated with four children, they are trying to remarry. I am thrilled for both of them!
However, that ain't me! I put off daily making that call, or that visit. I love giving, I am far too generous.....but am I being taken advantage of? We are not poor, I could get by, but what kind of precedence does that set? Did I buy investment property to give it away? I have bills to pay!
Anyway....so sorry for the short term Hell you are going through. All part of the long term investment.
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Post by JMX on Apr 21, 2016 9:15:08 GMT -5
All I can say, is that I admire how amazing you are, mountainrunner. Even though STBX is being a Class A DB, you're being a classy as heck LADY about it. I'll leave the legal stuff to those with experience, but I just want to give you a big ol hug, and put your STBX in a car driven by Toonces. He's a real piece... Ha Z! Toonces! Haven't thought about that driving cat in forever! |
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Post by DryCreek on Apr 21, 2016 11:50:13 GMT -5
Oh, you have no idea how happy I am that all this is in writing! My lawyer is thrilled that she can show the judge how they've drawn out the process and made it impossible to get a fair settlement signed. We've been assigned a good judge - she's been in Family Court for a long time and has a reputation for being fair. It's definitely in my favor that my lawyer knows the judge and has been in her court many times. No one seems to have ever heard of his lawyer and her inexperience in Family Law is going to hurt them in front of the judge. This may make me sound like a horrible person, but I sincerely hope to see him and his lawyer embarrassed in court - I fantasize about the judge basically bitching them both out. I'm aware that's highly unlikely, but I can dream! I've heard about this happening. Judges are people too; they can sniff out the bullshit, and some have low patience for people being spiteful. Odds are in your favor here, in so many ways. Think of it as " strictly business" with a long term goal. Financial stability for your precious son. Lawyers have to get involved, make the best of it! It's like an auction, start with a high price, the bidding starts low, and goes up from there. I understand this, but it goes against the grain for me. I can't bring myself to ask for unreasonable things. I feel comfortable and confident about asking for a fair settlement, but I lose that confidence if I start to push for more because it goes against what I know is right. I have to stand my ground and continue to be fair and sensible and pray that a judge sees through all the bullshit. This is why you pay your lawyer. Tell her how firm you want to be, how far you're willing to go, and trust her guidance from there. Incidentally... all this drama is just reinforcing your decision to divorce him. He's not interested in being fair; he's being selfish, spiteful, and hurtful. This is not "just business". |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 21, 2016 13:10:18 GMT -5
Incidentally... all this drama is just reinforcing your decision to divorce him. He's not interested in being fair; he's being selfish, spiteful, and hurtful. This is not "just business". Thank you for saying that, because to me, this isn't "just business." I get the tactics many lawyers employ and that I should try to not take it personally, but that's a pretty tall order. Divorce is deeply personal and although I've tried to keep it as professional as possible, there are limits to what I can take when he insists on attacking my integrity and undermining me at every turn. There's something deeply horrifying about seeing lies about yourself on a document signed by a lawyer - it feels like a legal document even though it isn't. I feel like a kid wanting to yell, "Hey that's not true! He's lying!" Divorce is an insane rollercoaster of emotions and it wears you down sometimes. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Apr 21, 2016 13:45:03 GMT -5
This may be the wrong time to ask this....forgive me! ( gulp) has your lawyer presented you with something that seemed hatefully, spightful, untrue, and asked you to sign it?
I honestly can't say right now what I would do when that time comes. Part of me says," hold your nose and sign it, trust the attorney". Another part says" that is not true, I won't sign it, change it!"
Once again sorry your going through this! I hope for your sake, and the children that their is a chance it's the lawyers doing.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 21, 2016 16:08:43 GMT -5
This may be the wrong time to ask this....forgive me! ( gulp) has your lawyer presented you with something that seemed hatefully, spightful, untrue, and asked you to sign it? I honestly can't say right now what I would do when that time comes. Part of me says," hold your nose and sign it, trust the attorney". Another part says" that is not true, I won't sign it, change it!" Once again sorry your going through this! I hope for your sake, and the children that their is a chance it's the lawyers doing. No, she's never presented me with anything spiteful or untrue. She did once present me with a letter that asked for more than I thought was fair and I had her remove that item from the letter. I would never sign anything that I knew to be untrue and I wouldn't be comfortable with a lawyer who asked me to do that. She has me approve all the correspondence that goes to my STBX's lawyer so I know exactly what is going on. |
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Post by wewbwb on Apr 21, 2016 16:11:27 GMT -5
This may be the wrong time to ask this....forgive me! ( gulp) has your lawyer presented you with something that seemed hatefully, spightful, untrue, and asked you to sign it? I honestly can't say right now what I would do when that time comes. Part of me says," hold your nose and sign it, trust the attorney". Another part says" that is not true, I won't sign it, change it!" Once again sorry your going through this! I hope for your sake, and the children that their is a chance it's the lawyers doing. No, she's never presented me with anything spiteful or untrue. She did once present me with a letter that asked for more than I thought was fair and I had her remove that item from the letter. I would never sign anything that I knew to be untrue and I wouldn't be comfortable with a lawyer who asked me to do that. She has me approve all the correspondence that goes to my STBX's lawyer so I know exactly what is going on. It sounds like you're trying to be fair while their trying to get "the best deal". stick to your position and don't budge. Just be fair. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 24, 2016 12:41:21 GMT -5
Incidentally... all this drama is just reinforcing your decision to divorce him. He's not interested in being fair; he's being selfish, spiteful, and hurtful. This is not "just business". Thank you for saying that, because to me, this isn't "just business." I get the tactics many lawyers employ and that I should try to not take it personally, but that's a pretty tall order. Divorce is deeply personal and although I've tried to keep it as professional as possible, there are limits to what I can take when he insists on attacking my integrity and undermining me at every turn. There's something deeply horrifying about seeing lies about yourself on a document signed by a lawyer - it feels like a legal document even though it isn't. I feel like a kid wanting to yell, "Hey that's not true! He's lying!" Divorce is an insane rollercoaster of emotions and it wears you down sometimes. Don't don't don't get sucked into the headgames! Lawyers are like police interrogators, they know how to break you. My ex's lawyer made up things that I knew even my wife didn't believe. She insulted me too, saying I "put off" repairs on the house, as if I spent that money on cocaine and strippers, when a: it's her house too and b: the money went to pay credit card bills largely racked up by her. See how defensive I'm getting even now, two years later? It's almost impossible not to let it affect you. But when they say something outrageous just ask your lawyer if you should respond, and then forgive but don't forget. Part of me still loves my ex, although after her latest I don't know, but I've seen enough to know I can't trust her and she's a manipulator. I feel more sad for her than anything. |
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