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Post by Deleted on Apr 20, 2016 21:22:54 GMT -5
Today I got another vicious letter from my STBX's lawyer full of lies about me and threats. She paints me as a greedy, lazy woman just out to screw her poor sweet client. They only gave us until Friday to respond to their latest offer (the letter was emailed at 5:43 today - I only got it because my lawyer works long hours and sent it to me right away), which is less than the last offer and still doesn't address the two main issues that were holding up the settlement in the first place. They DEMANDED I withdraw my motion for support or they would be filing counter motions. They continue to refuse to meet with my lawyer and me. Why? I don't understand - they accuse me of being uncooperative and yet they took their toys to the corner and refuse to play. My lawyer already sent them a reply saying she would not allow me to be pressured and that we would not be able to respond until next week.
I am so tired of this that I can't even cry. The tears are there, but I'm too numb to let them flow. There's nothing I can do except wait until next week when I can meet with my lawyer. Of course this is the night I got my son back and instead of enjoying his company, I'm trying to hide how upset I am.
I'm starting to hate him. At first, when I started the divorce, I mostly felt sad and some guilt because I knew I was destroying his nice little life he had all arranged the way he liked it. I worked so hard to stay friends and to support his relationship with our kids. We even had some good conversations. But with every lie, every nasty letter, every attempt to control my life, I hate him a little more. I never thought I would hate this man - when I was packing up pictures, I cried at so many of them. But that man doesn't exist for me anymore. The man that remains is hateful and ugly, bent on crushing me any way he can. And of course he knows all my weak points - he lived with me for 22 years after all. It's getting almost impossible to stay up here on the high road - to refuse to strike back in kind, to continue to protect him in my children's eyes. I can only pray that karma is real and that I will get to see it come back and bite him on the ass.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 20, 2016 21:51:47 GMT -5
Just understand these as tactics similar to "This deal is for today only". There is a process, and your husband and his lawyer can't circumvent them.
Stay calm and trust that justice will be done.
Try not to let the bitterness get the best of you.
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Post by TMD on Apr 20, 2016 22:07:55 GMT -5
Sorry to hear about nasty lawyer crap.
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That's what they do. It feels personal, but it's tactical.
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Stay strong.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 20, 2016 22:09:56 GMT -5
This is why you need to let your lawyer handle everything he and his lawyer throw at you.
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Post by unmatched on Apr 20, 2016 22:10:13 GMT -5
This does tend to happen with lawyers. A few years back somebody was trying to sue us and the lawyers just managed to inflame everything to the point of insanity. I still believe it was totally unnecessary, but you have to protect yourself if the other person is not going to do anything to calm it down. So it is not just him, and if you don't have every last vestige of love crushed out of you by the divorce process you might be able to resurrect some of it afterwards. But for now the best you can do is forget that this has anything to do with him personally and stop seeing it as a negotiation between you and your husband. It is just a shit fight between two lawyers that you are stuck in the middle of.
I also wonder if they are getting more unreasonable it means you are actually getting somewhere...
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Post by Deleted on Apr 20, 2016 22:32:48 GMT -5
This is why you need to let your lawyer handle everything he and his lawyer throw at you. I was a little surprised her lawyer even let her know about the correspondence. I normally never hear that kind of thing. They just handle it procedurally. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 20, 2016 23:04:12 GMT -5
I think part of what is so upsetting to me is that he has to okay these letters before they go out. I know that my lawyer has me look over everything before she sends it. So he reads these ridiculous lies and accusations and then says, "Yep, go ahead and send that." Or worse, he's the one telling his lawyer these lies that she then passes on.
My lawyer did say that their threats are just starting to sound embarrassing at this point, so it's possible they are getting desperate. I know I have the high ground here - even with all the nonsense he and his lawyer have pulled, I've never asked for anything extra, never tried to push for higher support or been a jerk about custody. All I've asked for is the court calculated child and spousal support. It's my STBX who keeps trying to get around things - having me take the tax burden, playing games with salary and bonuses, trying to find more and more ways to be able to cut off support. According to my lawyer, who has decades of experience in Family Law, none of the things he is asking for are considered normal in my circumstance and that no judge would ever order them. Why my STBX hired a general attorney instead of someone in Family Law, I have no idea. All I know is that she consistently throws up a new road block every single time I think we have a settlement.
I just have to hang on until June 2nd. At this point, I have to believe I'm safer in front of a judge than trying to negotiate with him and his lawyer.
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Post by unmatched on Apr 20, 2016 23:10:03 GMT -5
It doesn't sound like there is any benefit to you in negotiation whatsoever at this point. You might as well leave it in the hands of your lawyer to keep answering their pointless letters and sit back and wait.
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Post by DryCreek on Apr 20, 2016 23:20:54 GMT -5
It might be beneficial for you/your lawyer to compile a summary of their shenanigans for the judge's review. Just print and highlight, perhaps with comments in the margin. This is not the judge's first rodeo, and this crap may net his lawyer a surprise.
It is a negotiating tactic to be extreme in demands, hoping for a concession that is more than they deserve in the first place. Call the bluff and stand your ground. Take the leash off your lawyer and let him/her shame them for their stupidity.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 21, 2016 7:12:17 GMT -5
All I can say, is that I admire how amazing you are, mountainrunner. Even though STBX is being a Class A DB, you're being a classy as heck LADY about it.
I'll leave the legal stuff to those with experience, but I just want to give you a big ol hug, and put your STBX in a car driven by Toonces. He's a real piece...
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Post by bballgirl on Apr 21, 2016 7:37:19 GMT -5
Hang in there and remember you said it in your own words: You have higher ground! Channel that girl!!
Take the gloves off!
Not sure if you filed for the divorce but in my state the one that filed can sue the other for half of their attorney fees and court fees. When my ex's attorney got a little agressive and stupid because ex and I already came to an agreement but his attorney's ego was making him go rogue. So I threatened to go back to the drawing board and sue him for half of my costs. His attorney backed down. I gave him a fair deal too.
You offered him a fair deal and you tried to play nice.
When someone doesn't want to play nicely then we need to give them a taste of their own medicine.
Seriously I'd take him to the cleaners! Go after everything you are entitled to including his bonuses.
I would start from scratch. Make a counter offer and ask for everything you want, everything you're entitled too and then a little more! Fuck him!
In the letter add that you will be suing for half the court and attorney fees if that applies to your state.
Also add that this will be your last offer. The next step will be for a judge to decide in court in order to resolve this in a timely manner.
Hang in there! I sent you a PM. Big hug my friend!
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Post by greatcoastal on Apr 21, 2016 7:59:20 GMT -5
When someone doesn't want to play nicely then we need to give them a taste of their own medicine. Seriously I'd take him to the cleaners! Go after everything you are entitled to including his bonuses. I would start from scratch. Make a counter offer and ask for everything you want, everything you're entitled too and then a little more! Think of it as " strictly business" with a long term goal. Financial stability for your precious son. Lawyers have to get involved, make the best of it! It's like an auction, start with a high price, the bidding starts low, and goes up from there. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 21, 2016 8:01:46 GMT -5
This is why you need to let your lawyer handle everything he and his lawyer throw at you. I was a little surprised her lawyer even let her know about the correspondence. I normally never hear that kind of thing. They just handle it procedurally. I'm going to ask my lawyer about this. If there's nothing substantial in a letter from them, maybe I don't even need to see it. At least so far, every single letter they've sent has included disparaging remarks about me as well as increasingly ridiculous demands - which just results in me being crazy upset for a few days before I can shake it off. Maybe my lawyer can just summarize anything I actually need to know without me needing read all the rest. It's sure as heck worth asking her about! |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 21, 2016 8:02:20 GMT -5
Hang in there and remember you said it in your own words: You have higher ground! Channel that girl!! Take the gloves off! Not sure if you filed for the divorce but in my state the one that filed can sue the other for half of their attorney fees and court fees. When my ex's attorney got a little agressive and stupid because ex and I already came to an agreement but his attorney's ego was making him go rogue. So I threatened to go back to the drawing board and sue him for half of my costs. His attorney backed down. I gave him a fair deal too. You offered him a fair deal and you tried to play nice. When someone doesn't want to play nicely then we need to give them a taste of their own medicine. Seriously I'd take him to the cleaners! Go after everything you are entitled to including his bonuses. I would start from scratch. Make a counter offer and ask for everything you want, everything you're entitled too and then a little more! Fuck him! In the letter add that you will be suing for half the court and attorney fees if that applies to your state. Also add that this will be your last offer. The next step will be for a judge to decide in court in order to resolve this in a timely manner. Hang in there! I sent you a PM. Big hug my friend! In general -- as a tenet of the common law -- the costs of the divorce come from the marital assets. This can be frustrating, but it means that if he's spending an excessive amount on these shenanigans -- and causing MR to spend a lot dealing with it -- he's just depleting the pool that gets distributed when all this is finished. If he's the primary bread winner, he's wasting his own money. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 21, 2016 8:06:21 GMT -5
When someone doesn't want to play nicely then we need to give them a taste of their own medicine. Seriously I'd take him to the cleaners! Go after everything you are entitled to including his bonuses. I would start from scratch. Make a counter offer and ask for everything you want, everything you're entitled too and then a little more! Think of it as " strictly business" with a long term goal. Financial stability for your precious son. Lawyers have to get involved, make the best of it! It's like an auction, start with a high price, the bidding starts low, and goes up from there. I understand this, but it goes against the grain for me. I can't bring myself to ask for unreasonable things. I feel comfortable and confident about asking for a fair settlement, but I lose that confidence if I start to push for more because it goes against what I know is right. I have to stand my ground and continue to be fair and sensible and pray that a judge sees through all the bullshit. |
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