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Post by unmatched on Jun 6, 2017 21:12:02 GMT -5
Courage and keep steady. I dont why but reading your post. This old song came into my head - I had forgotten this song for years. 50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER Ha haaaa... this is only one of my fave songs ever. Whacking it on now to do the dishes to  Try this one if you want to turn the volume up |
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Post by lyn on Jun 6, 2017 22:19:50 GMT -5
Hmmm eternaloptimism, I'm not sure if this is the same in the U.K., but here in the US, you can be removed from your lease if there is domestic violence involved. Just a thought. Our twat-boxes are quite similar. It looks like we both may end up filing and having their asses served. Mine is so avoidant, he's been coming home from work practically in tears - since I gave him the news a week or so ago now. Time to sit and be super objective about the entire situation. It just needs to be done so you can take your fabulous self out and get your fabulous life going. xx |
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Post by baza on Jun 6, 2017 23:33:32 GMT -5
Sister eternaloptimismI am going to try and punch some holes in your exit strategy. If there are holes, and these holes need plugging, then there's time to do so. Your broad strategy is to not be a party to signing on for a new lease in August, and moving out to your mothers leaving him to renew the lease solely if he so chooses. Are you fully prepped and have the support network behind you to withstand the enormous pressure you are going to be subjected to cave in ? What contingency plan do you have if he reacts violently to the situation ? Is your mother agreeable to this (it fell over last time as I recall) and if so, for how long, and what do you have in mind after that period of grace ? If your mother gets a change in mind about her part in the deal do you have a plan B ? What do you have in mind about his access to the kids and is what you have in mind in that regard legal ? In the event of ongoing harassment once this is a done deal, what do you propose ? Do you know if under the law you may have to support him financially post separating ? Cheerful old prick ain't I ? |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jun 6, 2017 23:44:10 GMT -5
Ha haaaa... this is only one of my fave songs ever. Whacking it on now to do the dishes to Try this one if you want to turn the volume up It's 5.44 am... I will 😈 |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jun 6, 2017 23:47:23 GMT -5
Just remember a restraining order if he tries to pull his shenanigans again is also a valid option. You are looking out for both your self and the kids. Don't you worry HFC. I'm hoping it won't come to that... but whatever will be will be xx |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jun 6, 2017 23:51:00 GMT -5
eternaloptimism , perhaps another option... I gather you might be in an apartment complex? How about renting a new unit in the same place and keeping H off the new lease so he has no legal right to entry? It wouldn't be far to move your stuff, and the landlord might accommodate with the arrangements (e.g., security deposit, short overlap for moving property, etc.) Shit balls. This would have a been perfect idea. But it's a house  in the middle of bought (overpriced) houses unfortunately. Thanks DC xxx |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jun 6, 2017 23:55:06 GMT -5
Hmmm eternaloptimism , I'm not sure if this is the same in the U.K., but here in the US, you can be removed from your lease if there is domestic violence involved. Just a thought. Our twat-boxes are quite similar. It looks like we both may end up filing and having their asses served. Mine is so avoidant, he's been coming home from work practically in tears - since I gave him the news a week or so ago now. Time to sit and be super objective about the entire situation. It just needs to be done so you can take your fabulous self out and get your fabulous life going. xx They are, I think, very damaged souls lyn. You are right, there are special circumstances where DV is a factor. IF things get physical then I will play that card. I don't want I pull it out the bag unnecessarily though. Im actually quite happy with this November time line. My new and organised brain can cope with it if I know there is an end in sight. If that fucker so much as looks as me wrong though, he's toast. I'm not taking his shit any more..... my new brain knows I don't deserve it xxxx |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jun 7, 2017 0:07:01 GMT -5
Ha haaaa... this is only one of my fave songs ever. Whacking it on now to do the dishes to Try this one if you want to turn the volume up Christ unmatched...I didn't realise young MC had such a cracking voice! How have I missed that? anyway, this was ACE!!! thanks man xx |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jun 7, 2017 0:08:11 GMT -5
Sister eternaloptimism I am going to try and punch some holes in your exit strategy. If there are holes, and these holes need plugging, then there's time to do so. Your broad strategy is to not be a party to signing on for a new lease in August, and moving out to your mothers leaving him to renew the lease solely if he so chooses. Are you fully prepped and have the support network behind you to withstand the enormous pressure you are going to be subjected to cave in ? What contingency plan do you have if he reacts violently to the situation ? Is your mother agreeable to this (it fell over last time as I recall) and if so, for how long, and what do you have in mind after that period of grace ? If your mother gets a change in mind about her part in the deal do you have a plan B ? What do you have in mind about his access to the kids and is what you have in mind in that regard legal ? In the event of ongoing harassment once this is a done deal, what do you propose ? Do you know if under the law you may have to support him financially post separating ? Cheerful old prick ain't I ? You're my favourite cheerful old prick@baza  ill have to come back back to this, people are stirring here! Xx |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jun 7, 2017 0:41:22 GMT -5
Ok baza, The thing with me and being prepared is this. At work... totally on it. Due to fear based living ha! I'm petrified of losing my job because I KNOW I have no support whatsoever from him. I gave up making plans wrt home life years ago as he has been a consistent saboteur of gargantuan proportions. It goes like this, EO attempts to make a plan, he fucks it over. This has been my life. So I'm very used to dealing with things off the cuff, last minute, make do, it'll be ok because it has to be. Does that make sense? I don't want to live like that anymore, but he's such a detrimental force while he's here that UNTIL we are apart, plans won't work. The best I got for now is that I have talked to mother on numerous occasions recently and she is totally up for having me and the boys at the drop of a hat. There is no plan b. There are other friends and my sister who are close enough and know everything that I could go to if necessary, but for short periods only. Mother would be happy to have us a few months while not we find somewhere suitable and is also happy to help with deposits and the like. My contingency if he reacts violently? Punch and run baby. Punch and run. I doubt I'll have to support him financially. We are not married. The kids, 99% for sure will live with me. He can fuck right off if he thinks I'm supporting him after this!! I have every intention of being as amicable as can be wrt seeing the kids. I'm pretty easy going like that. I doubt he'll make a song and dance about it... but you never know! Should he decide to harass me after the event, well, he gets an injunction. I'd rather not, but that's down to him. So I'm prepare and not prepared really. Let the flow commence! |
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peck
New Member
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Posts: 7 
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Post by peck on Jun 7, 2017 0:48:08 GMT -5
Well good for you. Sounds like it's about time you reached down and got in touch with your huevos. I did the same thing like a couple decades ago. Found a set of keys I had been missing. A lighter. Tickets to Pink Floyd from 1994. And recipe for faux Bloomin' Onion. Anyways, good for you.
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peck
New Member
Hello World
Posts: 7
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Post by peck on Jun 7, 2017 0:52:53 GMT -5
I used to write in a journal. Then someone stole it. And made a movie out of it. And it was about this guy Luke, and his relationship with his father. And how he was passive aggressive. And his dad was a jerk. And had telekinesis. And worked for an emperor. And Luke didn't know it but he once made out with his sister. Right in front of their buddy Han. And Han was like "Oh I so like your sister but I'm not going to say anything about it, but oh you kissed her, oh man that sucks." But then Luke was like "No bro, she's my sister." Even though he just found out he still acted like he knew all along. He was kind of a jerk too, like his dad. Anyways, when I see that George guy I'm going to get really mad and scream at him. He had no right to make a movie without my permission. It was called like The Last Starfighter or something.
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peck
New Member
Hello World
Posts: 7
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Post by peck on Jun 7, 2017 1:12:29 GMT -5
Well if this is the kinda action one can expect around here, I'm going to go knock one out. I'll see you guys around. Hope your situations improve and all that. Good evening.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jun 9, 2017 3:56:47 GMT -5
Just come off the phone to the lady from that Worry Workshop.
It was a scheduled follow up call to see how I'm doing.
We went through their assessment questionnaire to see how I'm scoring compared to pre, during and immediately after the sessions.
So I'm now within a normal range for anxiety and worry.
She's giving herself a massive pat on the back on the other end of the phone... bless her. I did tell her that I feel the changes in the way I'm feeling have come through my support here and through my reading and self healing through personal growth (thanks Overwhelmed Brain podcasts!!), but she cheerfully skirted past that!
I brought up my co-dependent tendencies and self esteem issues and how I recognise it all now but would very much benefit from some one on one counselling and or CBT to help me make the physical changes in my behaviours to start being able to live a life free from these dysfunctions.
She was a bit wishy washy about that.
She said she recommends I take a month or two before commencing anything else to let the worry workshops settle. Hmm. But I'm itching for some one on one.
So I'm waiting again.
I'll just keep working on myself. Same as ever...if you want something doing....do it yourself.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 9, 2017 6:59:36 GMT -5
Just come off the phone to the lady from that Worry Workshop. It was a scheduled follow up call to see how I'm doing. We went through their assessment questionnaire to see how I'm scoring compared to pre, during and immediately after the sessions. So I'm now within a normal range for anxiety and worry. She's giving herself a massive pat on the back on the other end of the phone... bless her. I did tell her that I feel the changes in the way I'm feeling have come through my support here and through my reading and self healing through personal growth (thanks Overwhelmed Brain podcasts!!), but she cheerfully skirted past that! I brought up my co-dependent tendencies and self esteem issues and how I recognise it all now but would very much benefit from some one on one counselling and or CBT to help me make the physical changes in my behaviours to start being able to live a life free from these dysfunctions. She was a bit wishy washy about that. She said she recommends I take a month or two before commencing anything else to let the worry workshops settle. Hmm. But I'm itching for some one on one. So I'm waiting again. I'll just keep working on myself. Same as ever...if you want something doing....do it yourself. Get a second opinion. Also don't discard your own gut feelings and knowledge. After all, that's a big part of the "I am striking out on my own attitude. I am a giver and I deserve someone who will respect and cherish me. Someone who gives back equally and accepts my giving with gratitude". |
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in the middle of bought (overpriced) houses unfortunately. 
