|
|
Post by nancyb on Dec 16, 2016 23:19:46 GMT -5
As long as we continue to collude with our refusers in the appearance of a healthy, well balanced relationship the longer we will stay in the shithole of a sexless marriage.
|
|
|
|
Post by nancyb on Dec 16, 2016 23:20:31 GMT -5
LMAO...I"ve got the hiccoughs on a Friday night.
|
|
|
|
Post by baza on Dec 16, 2016 23:27:28 GMT -5
Hiccups maybe, but what you say bears repeating and repeating Sister nancyb.
-
If you are going along with a bullshit facade (whether you are doing so willingly or begrudgingly) then you are fully complicit in the problem.
-
No one has ever resolved an ILIASM shithole by joining in the act (to people outside the situation) that everything is ok.
|
|
|
|
Post by thebaffledking on Dec 17, 2016 1:30:20 GMT -5
As long as we continue to collude with our refusers in the appearance of a healthy, well balanced relationship the longer we will stay in the shithole of a sexless marriage. AGREE!!!!!!!!!!!! You start off being in control of your collusion........but, over time, what you're doing is training/rewiring your brain function to 'go along' with what another human being wants and expects of you AGAINST your own wants and needs. You are building the perfect prisoner - one that needs no cage, and one that can't really remember what living used to feel like. And they LET you do this to yourself because it's how THEY want it to be, they don't give a shit. Before you know it you are so mindfucked you no longer trust your own thoughts, beliefs, or feelings about anything. You have become a creation of another human being. Congrats. If you don't believe me, give it a try. I'll save a seat for you at the Mindhell Bar and Grill. You'll be along soon enough. |
|
|
|
Post by GeekGoddess on Dec 17, 2016 18:10:23 GMT -5
|
|
|
|
Post by nancyb on Dec 17, 2016 18:39:23 GMT -5
Well said thebaffledking.
|
|
|
|
Post by lyn on Dec 17, 2016 19:41:43 GMT -5
What freaked me out the most - besides the obvious - is the same thing that I keep mentioning in my posts: If (as he said) his health issues were the only real reason - then why would he never follow through with the things he had to do to improve his health? With or without me in his life - does he WANT to be depressed, have chronic pain, and/or a dependency on Rx painkillers all his life? How can anyone be willing to feel lousy all the time? @smartkat I have never understood that mentality either. Why wouldn't someone try to do everything possible to feel better? I just don't get that. |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 17, 2016 20:05:37 GMT -5
I sleep better if I have the whole bed to myself. So a few months ago when we were redoing the bedroom and were shopping for furniture I suggested we buy two king size beds instead of one. The room is huge so space isn't a problem. She refused and when I asked her why she said that "what would people think, us sleeping in separate beds?" I thought this was very unusual. Both my parents had separate beds from as long as I could remember and I don't think it is so unusual for long married couples to want a good nights sleep. And even if we were having sex who says we couldn't have it in one of the two beds? Anyway. I said "what people?" and she replied that when the renovations were done she would invite her sister and sister in law upstairs to have a look. I could care less. And even though we sleep as far from each other as is as possible in our king size bed, and we haven't had sex in decades, she still wants to "keep up appearances. Me? A good nights sleep (a rare thing for me) is much more important than what people may think. So.........did you get the two beds? Nope, so we're still sleeping on the far edges of the one bed and I'm lucky if I get 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep. |
|
|
|
Post by southerngirl on Dec 17, 2016 20:53:31 GMT -5
What freaked me out the most - besides the obvious - is the same thing that I keep mentioning in my posts: If (as he said) his health issues were the only real reason - then why would he never follow through with the things he had to do to improve his health? With or without me in his life - does he WANT to be depressed, have chronic pain, and/or a dependency on Rx painkillers all his life? How can anyone be willing to feel lousy all the time? How can anyone be willing to feel lousy all the time? You may have answered your own question. Is he taking painkillers? Girl, we need to talk. Those things are libido killing pecker shrinkers that make you feel just good enough to not care how lousy you feel. This is a subject I know well. It doesn't take much and it doesn't take long. One day I'll share my full story but the short version is - hubs is a pain-pill-popping zombie who has NO CLUE how messed up he is. Mr. Shrinkydink died a long, long time ago. I hope this isn't what's going on with you. It sucks. |
|
|
|
Post by cagedtiger on Dec 17, 2016 22:10:49 GMT -5
For being ocd, how much she seems to thrive on chaos and disorder. Just got back this evening to the master bedroom, guest bedroom, and the home office having all their contents tossed basically into the master bedroom, kitchen, and living room while she was cleaning.
|
|
|
|
Post by eternaloptimism on Dec 18, 2016 1:37:18 GMT -5
For being ocd, how much she seems to thrive on chaos and disorder. Just got back this evening to the master bedroom, guest bedroom, and the home office having all their contents tossed basically into the master bedroom, kitchen, and living room while she was cleaning. She's been cleaning?  |
|
|
|
Post by Rhapsodee on Dec 18, 2016 2:23:34 GMT -5
For being ocd, how much she seems to thrive on chaos and disorder. Just got back this evening to the master bedroom, guest bedroom, and the home office having all their contents tossed basically into the master bedroom, kitchen, and living room while she was cleaning. I'm sorry I'm laughing. I am chaos. When I settle in to clean a room, I really clean a room. If it doesn't belong there, it's out. The only difference between me and your wife I put things into boxes or bags. The first thing he asks is "what's all this stuff?" He can deal with my methods as long as I don't touch his bureau.  |
|
|
|
Post by solodriver on Dec 18, 2016 5:11:24 GMT -5
For being ocd, how much she seems to thrive on chaos and disorder. Just got back this evening to the master bedroom, guest bedroom, and the home office having all their contents tossed basically into the master bedroom, kitchen, and living room while she was cleaning. I'm sorry I'm laughing. I am chaos. When I settle in to clean a room, I really clean a room. If it doesn't belong there, it's out. The only difference between me and your wife I put things into boxes or bags. The first thing he asks is "what's all this stuff?" He can deal with my methods as long as I don't touch his bureau. I I'm afraid I have to laugh too. My wife will go through 3 or 4 times a year, putting stuff into boxes, then rearrange the boxes where I can't find them, then change boxes and put the stuff into other boxes. I feel like I've stuff I'm sure I have I just can't find it anymore.
|
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Dec 18, 2016 7:13:51 GMT -5
I'm sorry I'm laughing. I am chaos. When I settle in to clean a room, I really clean a room. If it doesn't belong there, it's out. The only difference between me and your wife I put things into boxes or bags. The first thing he asks is "what's all this stuff?" He can deal with my methods as long as I don't touch his bureau. I I'm afraid I have to laugh too. My wife will go through 3 or 4 times a year, putting stuff into boxes, then rearrange the boxes where I can't find them, then change boxes and put the stuff into other boxes. I feel like I've stuff I'm sure I have I just can't find it anymore.
Another positive for divorce. So many things pile and collect. Her things, our things, that my STBX does not want to have moved or is just fine the way they are. When I am motivated to clean it ends quickly. Dusting rarely happens. I look at pile after pile on every piece of furniture, and think, "that's hers, that's hers ' that's hers, I can't touch it, so forget it. The thought of selling out my half of the house and buying my own is very appealing. I pluck out what things are mine, what gets divided, and leave the rest for her to deal with. She will see how little of the mess is mine. Not that it will help her any. I recall early in our marriage discussing the problem of leaving clothes all on the bed, and all over the room. i said, "i put my clothes away daily, and make my bed daily.' She said, "that's not needed, I put mine away once a week, and that is good enough, it's not a problem." Of course you can imagine how often that day comes and goes, now its two weeks, three, etc... Don't get me started on the 14 yrs of homeschool piles, collecting for the youngest to use,.....someday. |
|
|
|
Post by cagedtiger on Dec 18, 2016 9:12:32 GMT -5
For being ocd, how much she seems to thrive on chaos and disorder. Just got back this evening to the master bedroom, guest bedroom, and the home office having all their contents tossed basically into the master bedroom, kitchen, and living room while she was cleaning. She's been cleaning? "Cleaning." She decided to swap several rooms worth of stuff at the same time. So, the stacks of boxes that have been in the spare bedroom for the last ~16 months are now in the living room, kitchen, and our bedroom. And the bed that was in the spare bedroom was in our bedroom, but is now in the office. And the day bed that was in the office was also in our bedroom, but is now partially in the living room, and partially in the spare bedroom. And the work projects I had in the office are now scattere between the back bedroom, living room, and our bedroom. |
|
