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Post by csl on Dec 11, 2016 7:29:21 GMT -5
Trigger warning: I'm referencing a post on my blog, and I make no bones about writing from a Christian perspective, so if you are Christian-averse, don't bother going any further. In the past few days, I've read posts on ILIASM in which the poster says that their spouse is really a great person EXCEPT in the bedroom. In doing maintenance on my blog this a.m., I stumbled upon a post I did last year that addressed that problem. If you're one of those people in a "happy/miserable" marriage, I think that this post might explain your dynamics: Plucked Chicken, Anyone? |
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Post by baza on Dec 11, 2016 17:10:57 GMT -5
I see you have been noticing - "In the past few days, I've read posts on ILIASM in which the poster says that their spouse is really a great person EXCEPT in the bedroom."
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In my experience (back to Feb 09) this "everything is great bar the sex" theme among initial posters, is common.
And, invariably (if there are follow up posts from the member) a tale of long term dysfunctionality starts to emerge, completely at odds with the "everything is great bar the sex" claim.
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Lots of stories start off - "everything is great bar the sex", but there aren't too many that end that way.
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I got a mental picture (from your referenced article - which was very readable - of Stalin doing that party trick with the chicken in front of the politburo members. I can't imagine there being much dissent from Khruschev and the boys !!!
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Post by csl on Dec 11, 2016 18:30:00 GMT -5
I see you have been noticing - "In the past few days, I've read posts on ILIASM in which the poster says that their spouse is really a great person EXCEPT in the bedroom." - In my experience (back to Feb 09) this "everything is great bar the sex" theme among initial posters, is common. And, invariably (if there are follow up posts from the member) a tale of long term dysfunctionality starts to emerge, completely at odds with the "everything is great bar the sex" claim. - Lots of stories start off - "everything is great bar the sex", but there aren't too many that end that way. - I got a mental picture (from your referenced article - which was very readable - of Stalin doing that party trick with the chicken in front of the politburo members. I can't imagine there being much dissent from Khruschev and the boys !!! Yes, I do read, and as a blogger, all is grist for my mill. I just try to protect the innocent. In my defense, "Plucked Chicken" was written last year; I was only introduced to ILIASM this past summer, so no one from ILIASM was referenced in that post. - The first person I can trace that story back to is Ravi Zacharias, one of my favorite speakers. As a librarian and storyteller (yes, that's my avocation), I see things in story and find that what I say has more impact if it has a vivid illustration; hence, Plucked Chicken. You should see the illustration I used for my follow-up post, What's Worse Than A Plucked Chicken? Truly cringe-worthy.  |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 13, 2016 12:51:28 GMT -5
Really interesting blog, csl. I've spent some time poking around there the last few days since you linked it here. Please KEEP speaking to the refused women out there as well. There are plenty of us and given the adage that men like sex more than women, it's almost more shameful to be a refused woman. What does that say about a woman's sexuality when her own husband won't have her?
Keep reminding the public that men can be refusers too. I hate this cultural archetype of the woman as refuser. There's something vaguely misogynistic about it as well. Sex is as much the right of the wife as it is the husband. You do speak to this, just keep doing it - including us suffering sexless wives.
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Post by csl on Dec 13, 2016 13:06:21 GMT -5
Really interesting blog, csl. I've spent some time poking around there the last few days since you linked it here. Please KEEP speaking to the refused women out there as well. There are plenty of us and given the adage that men like sex more than women, it's almost more shameful to be a refused woman. What does that say about a woman's sexuality when her own husband won't have her? Keep reminding the public that men can be refusers too. I hate this cultural archetype of the woman as refuser. There's something vaguely misogynistic about it as well. Sex is as much the right of the wife as it is the husband. You do speak to this, just keep doing it - including us suffering sexless wives. Thank you for the compliments. In the universe of Christian marriage bloggers, I recognize that I am a niche blogger with a small, directed audience: refused husbands. But that doesn't mean that I won't raise a little hell about jerks who ignore their wives' needs. I don't know if you found the Two Black Holes post I did in May, but I spoke about the need for someone to address the refused wives audience. I did point to Michelle Weiner-Davis's second book, The Sex-Starved Wife, and also to a post by Sheila Wray Gregoire, in which she answered the question, Do I Have To Live With A Sexless Marriage?I don't post more links, as I wish to respect the secular nature of this forum, not wanting to give the impression that I am turning ILIASM into a personal mission field. |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 13, 2016 21:47:26 GMT -5
Really interesting blog, csl. I've spent some time poking around there the last few days since you linked it here. Please KEEP speaking to the refused women out there as well. There are plenty of us and given the adage that men like sex more than women, it's almost more shameful to be a refused woman. What does that say about a woman's sexuality when her own husband won't have her? Keep reminding the public that men can be refusers too. I hate this cultural archetype of the woman as refuser. There's something vaguely misogynistic about it as well. Sex is as much the right of the wife as it is the husband. You do speak to this, just keep doing it - including us suffering sexless wives. Thank you for the compliments. In the universe of Christian marriage bloggers, I recognize that I am a niche blogger with a small, directed audience: refused husbands. But that doesn't mean that I won't raise a little hell about jerks who ignore their wives' needs. I don't know if you found the Two Black Holes post I did in May, but I spoke about the need for someone to address the refused wives audience. I did point to Michelle Weiner-Davis's second book, The Sex-Starved Wife, and also to a post by Sheila Wray Gregoire, in which she answered the question, Do I Have To Live With A Sexless Marriage?I don't post more links, as I wish to respect the secular nature of this forum, not wanting to give the impression that I am turning ILIASM into a personal mission field. Thanks! I read a couple of your blog series at the suggestion of a friend. It got me thinking. Maybe the first time in 10 years. |
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