|
|
Post by wewbwb on Dec 13, 2016 12:30:36 GMT -5
Also learn to be happy with a Toyota even when you desire a Maserati. If you can't be with the one you love, then love the one your with. I respectfully disagree. @geekgoddess Go for the one that lights a fire in your soul. Don't settle. Don't compromise what you want because it's "easy and convenient" I did. My life is a living hell. It's okay because I have no soul. So that's a plus. Remember above all, the only person you HAVE to love is you. We need to learn that first. |
|
|
|
Post by bballgirl on Dec 13, 2016 12:39:03 GMT -5
Also learn to be happy with a Toyota even when you desire a Maserati. If you can't be with the one you love, then love the one your with. I respectfully disagree. @geekgoddess Go for the one that lights a fire in your soul. Don't settle. Don't compromise what you want because it's "easy and convenient" I did. My life is a living hell. It's okay because I have no soul. So that's a plus. Remember above all, the only person you HAVE to love is you. We need to learn that first. I agree!! Don't ever settle!! |
|
|
|
Post by GeekGoddess on Dec 13, 2016 14:12:34 GMT -5
Update on the young man.... I did see him at a meeting last night and it was NORMAL. I'm relieved. It is what I expected, but I'm glad that it has taken place now. And I did still get a "friend" hug from him as would have been the case even if I had never brought up the crush. So - chalk one up for "stating your feelings" as a good way to navigate with a healthy person. In our SM, we just usually don't KNOW any healthy people and this is why we learn to hide ourselves because we are always getting shut down or chastised or mocked - or all of the above - for being ourselves and having preferences & opinions. I learned: I don't regret saying to him that I had a crush on him. I didn't imagine the "clicks" I thought were there and that is very affirming. He's not "too young" and I'm not "too old" - it just is what it is, and the gap is too large. In another space-time we could make a great couple but we are living in sober reality and it's not a place to completely throw society out and get feral. I suspect: he WILL regret it someday. (I don't care whether he does or not - but my own disagreement when DryCreek said this - I've changed my mind - yes, he will, or should, regret not getting to have mind-blowing geekgoddess sensuality poured his way - if he knew what he was missing he would anyway!) :-) My mood is much improved over the whole thing and in fact, I feel stronger, braver, more badass having spoken & been declined & being fine with it. A special thanks to bballgirl whose post about regrets helped spur me into action. And I agree to never settle! I'm worth too much to do that. This newly won freedom is too valuable to give it away. I'll not chase anyone because I deserve better than that - I deserve someone with enthusiasm for ME and who I am enthusiastic about. |
|
|
|
Post by bballgirl on Dec 13, 2016 14:22:43 GMT -5
Update on the young man.... I did see him at a meeting last night and it was NORMAL. I'm relieved. It is what I expected, but I'm glad that it has taken place now. And I did still get a "friend" hug from him as would have been the case even if I had never brought up the crush. So - chalk one up for "stating your feelings" as a good way to navigate with a healthy person. In our SM, we just usually don't KNOW any healthy people and this is why we learn to hide ourselves because we are always getting shut down or chastised or mocked - or all of the above - for being ourselves and having preferences & opinions. I learned: I don't regret saying to him that I had a crush on him. I didn't imagine the "clicks" I thought were there and that is very affirming. He's not "too young" and I'm not "too old" - it just is what it is, and the gap is too large. In another space-time we could make a great couple but we are living in sober reality and it's not a place to completely throw society out and get feral. I suspect: he WILL regret it someday. (I don't care whether he does or not - but my own disagreement when DryCreek said this - I've changed my mind - yes, he will, or should, regret not getting to have mind-blowing geekgoddess sensuality poured his way - if he knew what he was missing he would anyway!) :-) My mood is much improved over the whole thing and in fact, I feel stronger, braver, more badass having spoken & been declined & being fine with it. A special thanks to bballgirl whose post about regrets helped spur me into action. And I agree to never settle! I'm worth too much to do that. This newly won freedom is too valuable to give it away. I'll not chase anyone because I deserve better than that - I deserve someone with enthusiasm for ME and who I am enthusiastic about. Amen! |
|
|
|
Post by JonDoe on Dec 13, 2016 17:10:37 GMT -5
Also learn to be happy with a Toyota even when you desire a Maserati. If you can't be with the one you love, then love the one your with. I respectfully disagree. @geekgoddess Go for the one that lights a fire in your soul. Don't settle. Don't compromise what you want because it's "easy and convenient" I did. My life is a living hell. It's okay because I have no soul. So that's a plus. Remember above all, the only person you HAVE to love is you. We need to learn that first. My point is that no single person is ever going to score 100% for every single criteria of a perfect match. |
|
|
|
Post by beachguy on Dec 13, 2016 17:50:11 GMT -5
I respectfully disagree. @geekgoddess Go for the one that lights a fire in your soul. Don't settle. Don't compromise what you want because it's "easy and convenient" I did. My life is a living hell. It's okay because I have no soul. So that's a plus. Remember above all, the only person you HAVE to love is you. We need to learn that first. My point is that no single person is ever going to score 100% for every single criteria of a perfect match. And THAT is exactly how a lot of people got here! |
|
|
|
Post by GeekGoddess on Dec 13, 2016 17:57:28 GMT -5
JonDoe - I do love the one I'm with - I'm alone, on my own, depending on my beautiful capable ass myself. And I do love that, actually. I will be with Loverman this weekend. I'd like to love him but instead I just unconditionally accept him for exactly what he is (a great lover in the physical, mental, sexual, sensual planes - not getting into an emotional plane is an ongoing challenge but I am okay with this as my stop-gap management tactic - he is very tactile and he'll do for now to keep me well-serviced) I agree no one can fit 100% of all criteria. But I won't settle for a partner either. If I find someone to actually pair up with as a couple, much communication over what is expected/allowed/endured will surely ensue. It's not that a partner needs to be perfect - but we need to both be willing to work at satisfying what the other needs. If the needs are TOO mis-matched, that won't lead to success. (As in: our SM arrangements were - all work and both sides dissatisfied)
|
|
|
|
Post by sweetplumeria on Dec 17, 2016 12:29:33 GMT -5
I will like to see him in person again and get/give a hug as a regular friend (without crush). That will help me complete the steps of chalking it up to a good, valuable learning experience. I'm almost even proud of myself about it. You have grown so much. Its inspiring. I have had my own journey with its pitfalls and such. I can say my sm has definitely given me issues with rejection, so reading your words is encouraging. You seam solid in a way. |
|
|
|
Post by GeekGoddess on Dec 17, 2016 14:07:28 GMT -5
I will like to see him in person again and get/give a hug as a regular friend (without crush). That will help me complete the steps of chalking it up to a good, valuable learning experience. I'm almost even proud of myself about it. You have grown so much. Its inspiring. I have had my own journey with its pitfalls and such. I can say my sm has definitely given me issues with rejection, so reading hour words is encouraging. You seam solid in a way. I like this acronym I learned AFGO (another fucking growth opportunity). I am plagued off & on with still self-doubts over his decline. But I have seen him in person & it was fine. The doubts are only once in a while. They pass. I had my crush long before I knew our age difference. Given the "younger man older woman" archetype as a titillating idea - when I learned the age difference, I still couldn't just "give it up" w/o asking him directly if there was a chance. But - he sorta said no chance and that sealed the deal. I absolutely do not want a partner I would have to "convince" to like me. Been there, done that. Not going back to that! Yeah, I've been getting bonus-round AFGOs lately. Someday, I will find who I'm looking for. I hope I have it in me to wait patiently. It's hard learning to like me FOR JUST ME. But I'm determined to do it! |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 18, 2016 21:37:34 GMT -5
GeekGoddess, you should teach a class for women on how to value ourselves. You have so much wisdom around this.
|
|
|
|
Post by GeekGoddess on Dec 18, 2016 22:41:54 GMT -5
GeekGoddess, you should teach a class for women on how to value ourselves. You have so much wisdom around this. Thank you, @smartkat! I'm sure TRYING. My challenge is: it's mostly mental at this point. I need to LIVE it instead of talk about it. You know? But it's worth it. I know it will be. We could call it Women Anonymous (WA - like waaahh get it?). I do think a lot of it is just applying 12-step ideas "to my full self" instead of only applying it to my drinking. Also though, FB has a couple of groups that are great too & I get a lot from those. One is: The Resilient Spirits Sisterhood. (Search & join if you think you'd like it!!) Fact is though - still easier for me to see what others are doing & point that out rather than to implement the right thing in MY OWN life & actions. Working on that though! |
|
