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Post by GeekGoddess on Dec 10, 2016 9:36:08 GMT -5
Practicing communication is hard. It's rough on my ego. I let the (too) young man know that my crush was on him & received a graceful & flattering "coulda been if not for our ages" back from him.
I'm not sad I spoke up. I knew the odds were slim, even so I'm not surprised. But the loss of "potentiality" feels sad.
Yet - I don't have to wonder anymore & that's excellent, actually. I can quit spending time on "what ifs" in my head & I can be his friend & we can have real authentic conversations.
I'm still a little "meh" about the mixed blessing of having communicated and not getting the reply I hoped for.
I'll move on, relatively soon probably- but just yet, my heart fears I'll only ever choose people with a fatal flaw (Loverman- spiritually devoid, wouldn't introduce me to friends/family for anything; Young Masseuse- was only a realistic crush at all when I didn't know our age difference---OMG, GG - 2 whole examples! I know - I need to stop freaking out as if two examples means forever will always be that way!)
Working on emotional maturity.
So grateful he was very authentically kind & complimentary in his decline.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Dec 10, 2016 9:59:32 GMT -5
That's the attitude gg. Cash in, move on......next  Kudos for speaking up. It's the only way to know xxx |
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Post by JonDoe on Dec 10, 2016 10:11:22 GMT -5
GeekGoddess Much better to know definitively upfront than to second guess for a lifetime. Any good salesman will tell you for every yes, there are at least ten nos. Also learn to be happy with a Toyota even when you desire a Maserati. If you can't be with the one you love, then love the one your with.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Dec 10, 2016 10:17:51 GMT -5
GeekGoddess Much better to know definitively upfront than to second guess for a lifetime. Any good salesman will tell you for every yes, there are at least ten nos. Also learn to be happy with a Toyota even when you desire a Maserati. If you can't be with the one you love, then love the one your with. Yeah bitch👍 |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Dec 10, 2016 10:24:32 GMT -5
GeekGoddess Much better to know definitively upfront than to second guess for a lifetime. Any good salesman will tell you for every yes, there are at least ten nos. Also learn to be happy with a Toyota even when you desire a Maserati. If you can't be with the one you love, then love the one your with. I'm okay with biking for now. LOL. I drive a Toyota Prius. The young masseuse wasn't so much a Maserati. My crush on him was very spiritual oriented (it didn't hurt that spirit had such cute packaging but the DRAW was a level of emotional maturity that I can only strive towards right now). Anyway- the parts I am grateful about are some of the features this crush taught me are really important to me. I never had a crush on someone's spirit before - didn't know such a feeling as that EVER. I'm much more assured that this is a valid desire. (For future) He confirmed that I deserve quality. He's not the right mate, but I'm grateful for what positive things I've drawn from the experience (w/o even a kiss). I'm glad the attraction was strong enough to make me speak. I'm glad he answered quickly- and so glad that he answered kindly. And I'm reassured that I didn't entirely imagine the connection- he did/does feel that too - but we aren't socially compatible for actual dating. And that's okay. |
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Post by DryCreek on Dec 10, 2016 10:55:21 GMT -5
GeekGoddess, the dude doesn't fathom the opportunity he's missing... He'll kick himself later, guaranteed.
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Post by obobfla on Dec 10, 2016 11:27:46 GMT -5
I must second Dry Creek. The things you could teach him! It was probably best that he was honest. I'm ashamed to say it, but I might fake my feelings to see what I could learn from you sexually.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Dec 10, 2016 13:01:02 GMT -5
GeekGoddess, the dude doesn't fathom the opportunity he's missing... He'll kick himself later, guaranteed. Thanks DryCreek & obobfla -- what he's looking for, I know from meetings, is a serious relationship and what I'm looking for, currently, is a high intensity but not looking for long term --- and we are socially mismatched. It's ok that he was honest. He very much said that if our ages were closer, we would have a shot. And it really was a compliment, the way he said it. I felt like explaining myself on why, how, when different phases of the crush developed---but I resisted. I may journal it but he doesn't need that. I will benefit from writing it out but I don't need to share it with him. Thanks fellas 😘 |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Dec 10, 2016 13:04:05 GMT -5
It's really important I think, after what our merry band has been through, to be honest about wants desires and expectations from the start.
You are so aware GG. Really, I am aiming for where you're at. You rock sista xxx
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Post by GeekGoddess on Dec 10, 2016 16:06:55 GMT -5
It's really important I think, after what our merry band has been through, to be honest about wants desires and expectations from the start. You are so aware GG. Really, I am aiming for where you're at. You rock sista xxx Thank you, sista - as much as I know it was right to tell him, it is still popping up as "ouch" for me through the day. I need to "order up" a mate with my Ex's humor, Loverman's sexual desire, Masseuse's spirituality, and an Engineer's brain. In a package that's fit but not too young, not too old. Goldilocks Matchmaking. LOL. I appreciate your words even if I can't get a non-cyber hug 🤗 |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Dec 10, 2016 16:11:59 GMT -5
It's really important I think, after what our merry band has been through, to be honest about wants desires and expectations from the start. You are so aware GG. Really, I am aiming for where you're at. You rock sista xxx Thank you, sista - as much as I know it was right to tell him, it is still popping up as "ouch" for me through the day. I need to "order up" a mate with my Ex's humor, Loverman's sexual desire, Masseuse's spirituality, and an Engineer's brain. In a package that's fit but not too young, not too old. Goldilocks Matchmaking. LOL. I appreciate your words even if I can't get a non-cyber hug 🤗 He's there. I promise x |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Dec 10, 2016 16:33:17 GMT -5
Thank you, sista - as much as I know it was right to tell him, it is still popping up as "ouch" for me through the day. I need to "order up" a mate with my Ex's humor, Loverman's sexual desire, Masseuse's spirituality, and an Engineer's brain. In a package that's fit but not too young, not too old. Goldilocks Matchmaking. LOL. I appreciate your words even if I can't get a non-cyber hug 🤗 He's there. I promise x I'm grateful to know that I've always had an eternal optimist in my personality. I get down, but that does pass. My optimism is unkillable- it's just on break right now. You're correct - he IS there, somewhere. And I'm likely to find him, too. Thanks, EO! |
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Post by nancyb on Dec 10, 2016 17:51:59 GMT -5
You give me courage GeekGoddess...
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Post by baza on Dec 11, 2016 17:52:51 GMT -5
You clearly communicated what you thought Sister GG.
That, is a HUGE tick in the 'win' column.
Irrespective of eventual outcome.
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As soon as you clearly communicate what you think, you've done your part.
What happens next is out of your hands.
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What you ARE in control of, is clearly communicating what you think.
What the recipient of your clear communication responds with, is NOT a matter you control.
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I reckon you've done rather well here.
As an exercise in clear communication on your part, it was a resounding success.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Dec 12, 2016 9:40:34 GMT -5
baza - so right. And because his response was so kind - it is very helpful. I know that I didn't "just imagine" the clicks - we DID click a few times. I didn't make it up. The clicks were mostly before I knew our true age gap. Once I learned the real deal on years born - I couldn't just give up on my feelings and I took a risk. I let myself be vulnerable. This is NOT something I had practiced the last years of SM and it was uncomfortable. It did not kill me. In fact, it only hurt a much smaller amount than fear would have had me believe it would. I know - now - that I can let myself be vulnerable and even if it doesn't result in an outcome I hope for, I will be fine. It won't hurt me beyond my ability to recover, rebound from it. It's okay to be honest and be declined. It's okay to ASK someone else what they think or feel and not just make up my own rejection (abandon my own hopes). It was perfectly okay, helpful even, to speak up for what I felt. I grew. And I know now, too, that I can have a spiritual crush in addition to emotional attraction - - when I was leaving the SM, all I had hoped for a strong sexual connection with a smart person. So this experience actually helped raise my standards. Which is huge. No amount of therapy (all talking) could have done this - - at least, not as quickly as this experience did. I'm almost to the point where it is: all to the good. I will like to see him in person again and get/give a hug as a regular friend (without crush). That will help me complete the steps of chalking it up to a good, valuable learning experience. I'm almost even proud of myself about it.
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