Post by mariposa43 on Apr 20, 2016 9:00:46 GMT -5
Good Morning, SM Family,
Without being able to go into all the details at this time, I ask for your prayers and good thoughts for me and my family today and in the coming days. Long story short: things came to a very ugly and scary head with my H yesterday morning, he is out of the house in a hotel (of his own offering, thank God), and I am on the phone today with divorce lawyers. I knew at some point I would be talking to divorce lawyers, but I had no idea how soon. My kids and I are safe and there was no physical abuse, however the emotional scars are there.
I didn't even have a chance yet to give much of my story on here, but as you can see, my marriage has been one of those SMs that has waaaaay more going on than "just" no sex.
As much hell as this process is going to be, I know that I am doing the right thing for me and my kids.
As I was up early this morning doing my usual morning contemplation (I have always loved and cherished that time), I realized that even though there's all kinds of stress right now, in the midst of it all, I feel peace.
Peace!
For the first time in ages, my heart was not racing with anxiety and dread that I would have to wake him up in a few hours and that he would be hovering and about to explode during the morning rush when we're trying to get the kids out the door and I'm just trying to keep everyone happy. That no matter how much my kids might push my buttons and make me wanna set my hair on fire (and not that I am above ever needing help with them), that I can handle them JUST FINE. The last thing we need is his brand of "help".
After I dropped them at school, for the first time in a long time, get this--I didn't take the long way home, just hoping that by the time I pulled back up in the driveway his car would be gone from the garage and he would already be gone for work.
So before I woke the kids, I told myself, "Remember this feeling. Remember this in the coming hours and days when all the big decisions and details threaten to overwhelm you. It is ultimately a good thing you are doing."
To the various gentlemen who have private messaged me about the photo I posted in the Photo Comments thread, please know that the particular compliment you each chose to give me regarding me looking happy in the photo, was the best thing you could have said. That photo was taken a couple months ago when I was at a very happy event and around people who give me life, and you know what? I *was* happy. I am probably too strong for my own good, and have been an excellent actress when it comes to putting on a happy face for most people in my life. I love what Marilyn Monroe said about herself when she said, "She was a girl who knew how to be happy even when she was sad, and that's important." That's what I have tried to do for so long. I can tell you that since that event and in very private times, I have been anything but happy, and honestly zapped of much of my usual energy.
One step at a time, I'm working my way to being truly happy. Thanks for being there for me.
Without being able to go into all the details at this time, I ask for your prayers and good thoughts for me and my family today and in the coming days. Long story short: things came to a very ugly and scary head with my H yesterday morning, he is out of the house in a hotel (of his own offering, thank God), and I am on the phone today with divorce lawyers. I knew at some point I would be talking to divorce lawyers, but I had no idea how soon. My kids and I are safe and there was no physical abuse, however the emotional scars are there.
I didn't even have a chance yet to give much of my story on here, but as you can see, my marriage has been one of those SMs that has waaaaay more going on than "just" no sex.
As much hell as this process is going to be, I know that I am doing the right thing for me and my kids.
As I was up early this morning doing my usual morning contemplation (I have always loved and cherished that time), I realized that even though there's all kinds of stress right now, in the midst of it all, I feel peace.
Peace!
For the first time in ages, my heart was not racing with anxiety and dread that I would have to wake him up in a few hours and that he would be hovering and about to explode during the morning rush when we're trying to get the kids out the door and I'm just trying to keep everyone happy. That no matter how much my kids might push my buttons and make me wanna set my hair on fire (and not that I am above ever needing help with them), that I can handle them JUST FINE. The last thing we need is his brand of "help".
After I dropped them at school, for the first time in a long time, get this--I didn't take the long way home, just hoping that by the time I pulled back up in the driveway his car would be gone from the garage and he would already be gone for work.
So before I woke the kids, I told myself, "Remember this feeling. Remember this in the coming hours and days when all the big decisions and details threaten to overwhelm you. It is ultimately a good thing you are doing."
To the various gentlemen who have private messaged me about the photo I posted in the Photo Comments thread, please know that the particular compliment you each chose to give me regarding me looking happy in the photo, was the best thing you could have said. That photo was taken a couple months ago when I was at a very happy event and around people who give me life, and you know what? I *was* happy. I am probably too strong for my own good, and have been an excellent actress when it comes to putting on a happy face for most people in my life. I love what Marilyn Monroe said about herself when she said, "She was a girl who knew how to be happy even when she was sad, and that's important." That's what I have tried to do for so long. I can tell you that since that event and in very private times, I have been anything but happy, and honestly zapped of much of my usual energy.
One step at a time, I'm working my way to being truly happy. Thanks for being there for me.
