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Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2016 12:50:00 GMT -5
While there is nothing wrong with the idea of this, it is NOT a quote from Buddha. I actually had a feeling about this. I'm not in any way, shape, or form an expert in Buddhism. I've read a little about it though because I really am drawn to it for some reason. Anyway, from the little I've read about Buddhism, it seems as though a common thread in it is that there is no beginning and no end. There is no birth and no death. Just different manifestations of the same thing. It's about energy taking on different forms rather than things being created or destroyed. So that quote seemed to run contrary to the little bit Ive learned about Buddhism. I love the quote. I first read it yesterday and it really had a positive impact on me. So I hope none of this is coming across as criticism. It's just an observation. I'd like to add though that the view of "no beginning / no end" could be equally positive for us to think about. Rather than see us "ending" our marriages, maybe see it as allowing our marriages to take on another form? We can decide to some extent, what that forms is. At least, that is, if our spouses are cooperative enough to be amicable about things. Me personally, I think that time is cyclical, as well as linear. If you look, you can see recurring patterns all the time. If you want anything to be different, the first step is for YOU to do something different. Even a very small thing that seems to have nothing to do with your problem at hand can alter the course of events. |
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Post by obobfla on Dec 9, 2016 13:07:21 GMT -5
Sorry I haven't been on the forum much lately. No news on my front... just trying to take care of my active family. (Is "keeping busy" a good therapy for dealing with my SM? Usually it seems like it. Or is it a form of procrastination and avoidance? I dunno. Depends on what day you ask me.) Anyway, I was just "cleaning up my hard drive" because I have to start moving files to a new laptop before I give up this one. It's a royal hassle, but, hey my employer gave me a new work laptop, so, well, there's that. Came across this image-quote... I don't think it has been posted in the forum. Gave me pause. I thought it was relevant, so here it is. Still struggling with the idea of leaving (ending) your sexless marriage? Consider this:  While there is nothing wrong with the idea of this, it is NOT a quote from Buddha. Which Buddha? Gautama is the original one, but there are others |
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Post by Dan on Dec 9, 2016 14:38:29 GMT -5
baza: I take it to mean the circle of life. What is born will die and the sooner you recognize your own mortality the more you can live life fully... I don't see inertia there at all. Similar to the last time I posted an interesting image-quote, I'm pleasantly surprised to hear all the "readings" of what I posted that vary from how I took it. For me the quote in the OP helps me frame the fear (for lack of a better word) of being the one to pull the plug, call it quits, decide to divorce, and tell her that. If I may paraphrase, the quote to me means "There is no law of the universe that says 'once you start doing something, you need to keep doing it forever'." The thing holding me in my marriage is self-imposed expectations; understanding that is key to me allowing me to take that next step. THAT is the starting point from which I will either come to peace with staying, or come to peace with ending the marriage. |
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Post by ggold on Dec 9, 2016 15:39:38 GMT -5
I say that to my wife all the time: This will end when I die. I fear this is true for me as well. I feel like I was sentenced to life without parole. I can't even figure out what I did. We all have our reasons for staying. It's a choice we make. I am choosing to exit. I can no longer allow myself to be held prisoner. All of these years, I gave him the power to emotionally manipulate me. I know why. Who I was then is not who I am now. I have worked so hard on myself over the past several years. He still tries to guilt me and knows I am emotionally vulnerable. It will no longer work. We will proceed with divorce mediation and create a plan that will work for us and especially our young children. I know you feel stuck and trapped. I don't know what is keeping you there, but my hope for you is that you can one day be free and happy. You have my support. |
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Post by wewbwb on Dec 10, 2016 9:52:22 GMT -5
While there is nothing wrong with the idea of this, it is NOT a quote from Buddha. Which Buddha? Gautama is the original one, but there are others Any one. It is simply not a Buddhist quote. That doesn't make it wrong, or less meaningful. |
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Post by Rhapsodee on Dec 10, 2016 12:43:17 GMT -5
@dan
What I get from the Un-Buddha and the brilliant use of the butterfly is you should pursue many little pleasures. Just because the biggest and most important relationship of your life is a painful sexless emptiness doesn't mean everything has to suck.
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Post by novembercomingfire on Dec 10, 2016 12:58:43 GMT -5
@dan What I get from the Un-Buddha and the brilliant use of the butterfly is you should pursue many little pleasures. Just because the biggest and most important relationship of your life is a painful sexless emptiness doesn't mean everything has to suck. I hope that is true. I just don't see it that way today. |
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Post by Rhapsodee on Dec 10, 2016 13:13:38 GMT -5
@dan What I get from the Un-Buddha and the brilliant use of the butterfly is you should pursue many little pleasures. Just because the biggest and most important relationship of your life is a painful sexless emptiness doesn't mean everything has to suck. I hope that is true. I just don't see it that way today. I didn't either, at first. One step at a time. A wise friend told me that I needed something to look forward to. I took his advice to heart. You have to force yourself to get out and do something you enjoy. Once you've mastered that one enjoyable thing, add something else. The SM will still rip your heart out, but you won't think about it while you're having fun. |
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Post by solodriver on Dec 10, 2016 13:39:13 GMT -5
@dan What I get from the Un-Buddha and the brilliant use of the butterfly is you should pursue many little pleasures. Just because the biggest and most important relationship of your life is a painful sexless emptiness doesn't mean everything has to suck. In other words, don't let the big depressing disappointment of our SM make us miss the other joys and pleasures that come our way. Right? Recognize and enjoy what joys life sends our way.
I'm working on that one really hard!
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Post by solodriver on Dec 10, 2016 13:45:47 GMT -5
I hope that is true. I just don't see it that way today. I didn't either, at first. One step at a time. A wise friend told me that I needed something to look forward to. I took his advice to heart. You have to force yourself to get out and do something you enjoy. Once you've mastered that one enjoyable thing, add something else. The SM will still rip your heart out, but you won't think about it while you're having fun. Something that I've been working on since joining this group. Before joining I never looked outside my SM shithole. Now I reach out and have made a few very good friends and I try to enjoy being in the moment wherever I am, and don't even think about my SM when I'm with other people and enjoy their time, company and what they have to add to my life to make it better each day! That includes my friends on here! 
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