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Post by itsjustus on Dec 7, 2016 17:56:47 GMT -5
Thank you all for your feedback. I guess I probably need to seek some individual therapy first to try and get past my issues. It is just frightening to me that my own sexual desire is now non-existent, especially since this is the issue I have been trying to get her to work on for so long. I guess the other problem is that I am not fully prepared to discuss all of these issues with her because I don't want to hurt her by saying, "I don't want to have sex anymore." At the same time, these conversations are not constructive and end up being more of her crying and being upset, and I just dread the 3 day fight that this will breed. Has anyone else ever experienced this sheer loss of libido after their refuser came around? If so what did you do to get your groove back and let go of the anger? "Has anyone else ever experienced this sheer loss of libido after their refuser came around?" Yes, I have. My ex came around during our attempt to repair our marriage. Your second question presumed that I got my groove back and let go of the anger. I didn't. I left that marriage. But that wasn't the only issue, by far, so I can't say it would be the same for you.
What I CAN say is....the effort you and your wife are about to go thru....is doomed. From the start. By you. If I may be so blunt, this part of your reply above is the reason. "I guess the other problem is that I am not fully prepared to discuss all of these issues with her because I don't want to hurt her by saying....." It doesn't matter how you ended this sentence. What matters is, you are about to withhold an important, if not THE most important information that could save your marriage from the woman who wants to help you save it. Honest and open communication in a relationship, in a marriage is absolutely critical, especially when there are issues such as being in a SM one. Trust me, if you don't tell her, her imagination will go wild and crazy on why you're not on board with this with her. That alone will kill your marriage. She also won't be able to help you overcome this. The way to "get it back" is with the help of a very patient partner. This is what sex therapist say is the way to go about it. So....she's going to have to know, sooner or later.
Will she cry and be upset...because YOU can't get there? I would think she shouldn't be. She's wanting to fix the issues you two have. Especially if you first start working on honest and open communication. But you have to tell her your going to be honest and open, and she has to accept that. Then it's not a fighting issue, it's a issue you can face together, as partners. Just my two cents.....
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Post by thebaffledking on Dec 7, 2016 18:01:16 GMT -5
It is just frightening to me that my own sexual desire is now non-existent......... pdan, I want to reassure you that your libido would likely SPRING (BOING!!) back to life were you to discover an object of interest who is also interested in you. Trust me on that. It has happened to a handful of us here. I lost all interest in my wife about 4 years ago. Libido was thrashed due to depression and sleeplessness and the incessant grinding nature of SM. But.......love came to town in another body and face and spirit and it's like someone had dumped 5000 gallons of gasoline on a match. Your body is telling you something here..........and it is NOT 'Hey man, what's wrong with you?' That is NOT the message! But DEFINITELY expire every effort to see if what you have now can be salvaged!! |
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Post by itsjustus on Dec 7, 2016 18:02:25 GMT -5
I am really impressed with this article. Spot on |
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Post by pdan87 on Dec 9, 2016 1:56:47 GMT -5
Thank you all for your comments. I have some new things to work on. I am going to try and talk this over with her and start there. I will keep you all posted.
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