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Post by novembercomingfire on Dec 5, 2016 16:47:39 GMT -5
It recently occurred to me that my partner actually prefers moving furniture around the house to sex. That is, she actively looks for ways to rearrange the furniture to avoid sex.
And the physical act of moving the furniture is an act of service with no reward or thanks. As you might expect.
I am only rehashing particular annoyances at this point. But choosing to move furniture. Rather than have sex.
Really?
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Post by baza on Dec 6, 2016 2:50:15 GMT -5
One of, if not THE hardest concepts to grasp - for you, the spouse who likes sex - is the fact that there are people around who do not.
This is particularly hard to grasp if you - the spouse who likes sex - is still attracted to a spouse who does not.
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But, the inconvenient truth is, that not everyone shares your enthusiasm for sex, and this is even more inconvenient if you are married to such a person.
If it makes any sense (and it probably doesn't) a sexually averse person probably finds it just as mysterious that some people actually like sex with their spouse rather than just for breeding or financial reasons.
There is nothing wrong with liking sex.
There is nothing wrong with not liking sex.
However, it is very bad form to inflict your preference onto someone who has a different preference.
It is extremely bad form to engage in bait and switch.
And, it is most unwise to remain in a dynamic where the other person has a preference at odds with yours.
Some people do NOT like sex.
That's a fact. It is not a character flaw, or some sort of perverted thinking, it is simply who they are.
That doesn't make them a bad person, although it may well make them an entirely inappropriate partner for you.
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Post by bballgirl on Dec 6, 2016 8:20:20 GMT -5
My ex used to organize the garage, it did make me happy for a day or two.
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Post by thebaffledking on Dec 6, 2016 8:37:18 GMT -5
One of, if not THE hardest concepts to grasp - for you, the spouse who likes sex - is the fact that there are people around who do not. This is particularly hard to grasp if you - the spouse who likes sex - is still attracted to a spouse who does not. - But, the inconvenient truth is, that not everyone shares your enthusiasm for sex, and this is even more inconvenient if you are married to such a person. If it makes any sense (and it probably doesn't) a sexually averse person probably finds it just as mysterious that some people actually like sex with their spouse rather than just for breeding or financial reasons. There is nothing wrong with liking sex. There is nothing wrong with not liking sex. However, it is very bad form to inflict your preference onto someone who has a different preference. It is extremely bad form to engage in bait and switch. And, it is most unwise to remain in a dynamic where the other person has a preference at odds with yours. Some people do NOT like sex. That's a fact. It is not a character flaw, or some sort of perverted thinking, it is simply who they are. That doesn't make them a bad person, although it may well make them an entirely inappropriate partner for you. My bait and switch is pretty disgusting but is a good thing now as I leave to seek greener pastures. About twelve years ago my wife started saying she didn't trust the birth control we were using and so she used that as her 'no sex tonight' excuse many times. I kept after her. Finally, while rubbing on me on top but refusing to let me enter her, she said if I got a vasectomy, we'd have sex all the time. I think within a week it was done........and the sex dwindled to techincally sexless almost immediately and within a few more years of maybe 6-8 times a year, it went to zero..........and has been at zero for eight years.....and now I'm done. |
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Post by novembercomingfire on Dec 6, 2016 8:39:33 GMT -5
My ex used to organize the garage, it did make me happy for a day or two. But did he expect you to happily participate? |
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Post by novembercomingfire on Dec 6, 2016 8:45:26 GMT -5
One of, if not THE hardest concepts to grasp - for you, the spouse who likes sex - is the fact that there are people around who do not. This is particularly hard to grasp if you - the spouse who likes sex - is still attracted to a spouse who does not. - But, the inconvenient truth is, that not everyone shares your enthusiasm for sex, and this is even more inconvenient if you are married to such a person. If it makes any sense (and it probably doesn't) a sexually averse person probably finds it just as mysterious that some people actually like sex with their spouse rather than just for breeding or financial reasons. There is nothing wrong with liking sex. There is nothing wrong with not liking sex. However, it is very bad form to inflict your preference onto someone who has a different preference. It is extremely bad form to engage in bait and switch. And, it is most unwise to remain in a dynamic where the other person has a preference at odds with yours. Some people do NOT like sex. That's a fact. It is not a character flaw, or some sort of perverted thinking, it is simply who they are. That doesn't make them a bad person, although it may well make them an entirely inappropriate partner for you. My bait and switch is pretty disgusting but is a good thing now as I leave to seek greener pastures. About twelve years ago my wife started saying she didn't trust the birth control we were using and so she used that as her 'no sex tonight' excuse many times. I kept after her. Finally, while rubbing on me on top but refusing to let me enter her, she said if I got a vasectomy, we'd have sex all the time. I think within a week it was done........and the sex dwindled to techincally sexless almost immediately and within a few more years of maybe 6-8 times a year, it went to zero..........and has been at zero for eight years.....and now I'm done. Oh yeah. I had almost forgotten the "get a vasectomy and that will improve everything" routine. Of course, i did not take this seriously. My results undoubtedly would have been the same as yours. Like many here I might be able to live with some honesty. Something like an admission that she doesn't like sex. I have actually told her more than ten times that i would be happier if she just told me that she just isn't physically attracted to me, but she doesn't seem to be attracted in that way to anybody. She likes money, but not even that is a mechanism for arousal. |
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Post by bballgirl on Dec 6, 2016 8:53:25 GMT -5
My ex used to organize the garage, it did make me happy for a day or two. But did he expect you to happily participate? No he just did it once a year kind of like sex a once a year thing but he changed the channel on the remote a lot, every day and it made him happy if I would watch tv with him and I did, however at the end I couldn't. I avoided him and once a week I would reset him with watching tv with him to keep peace in the house. |
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Post by Chatter Fox on Dec 6, 2016 12:27:26 GMT -5
It recently occurred to me that my partner actually prefers moving furniture around the house to sex. That is, she actively looks for ways to rearrange the furniture to avoid sex. And the physical act of moving the furniture is an act of service with no reward or thanks. As you might expect. I am only rehashing particular annoyances at this point. But choosing to move furniture. Rather than have sex. Really? Sometimes I would love to know where sex lies on the list of undesireable activities for my wife. There are chores around the house that she completely and utterly hates. Yet, it the past, she has done those chores more often than she has had sex with me. She will clean the shower maybe once every 3 months? She hates cleaning the shower. I don't blame her. It sucks. I probably should take my turn cleaning it more often. Anyway, she'd clean the shower every 3 months and then have sex with me once a year if I were lucky. That's kind of a kick in the nuts to be honest. In her defense, the shower gets visibly dirty. Maybe I should take notes from the shower? Maybe I need some sort of similar motivational cue for her? lol Maybe tell her that I refuse to shower if it's been longer than a week since we've had sex. That way she can see how dirty I am and realize that's it's time to "clean" the husband? lol. |
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Post by beachguy on Dec 6, 2016 13:45:13 GMT -5
It recently occurred to me that my partner actually prefers moving furniture around the house to sex. That is, she actively looks for ways to rearrange the furniture to avoid sex. And the physical act of moving the furniture is an act of service with no reward or thanks. As you might expect. I am only rehashing particular annoyances at this point. But choosing to move furniture. Rather than have sex. Really? Sometimes I would love to know where sex lies on the list of undesireable activities for my wife. There are chores around the house that she completely and utterly hates. Yet, it the past, she has done those chores more often than she has had sex with me. She will clean the shower maybe once every 3 months? She hates cleaning the shower. I don't blame her. It sucks. I probably should take my turn cleaning it more often. Anyway, she'd clean the shower every 3 months and then have sex with me once a year if I were lucky. That's kind of a kick in the nuts to be honest. In her defense, the shower gets visibly dirty. Maybe I should take notes from the shower? Maybe I need some sort of similar motivational cue for her? lol Maybe tell her that I refuse to shower if it's been longer than a week since we've had sex. That way she can see how dirty I am and realize that's it's time to "clean" the husband? lol. , according to your other post today her preferences are very clear... Things she least wants to do, in order: 1. You divorce her 2. Have sex with you You have successfully employed the Spread Em Or Else strategy. Thus answering your question. |
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