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Post by itsnotmyfault on Jun 1, 2016 20:36:17 GMT -5
Hi all, I've finally found you ! So this is where we all come to share and reveal the real us. Like many of you, too many lonely nights and rejections sent me looking for what's wrong with me, I've stumbled through the other sites and forums before finally landing here. You all speak my language (loneliness and rejection) and I can relate to your stories. After lurking for a while and reading your experiences, I'm slowly starting to realise It's Not My Fault, for years now I have blamed myself, you all know the thoughts, if only I was more fit, weighed less, did more housework,bought bigger gifts etc etc. I must be a slow learner, as one of my few friends who knows my situation reminds me, but It's Not My Fault. To say that (well type it) out loud is so cathartic.
Quick background, I live in Australia and I have been married for 23 years, the last 8 and half have been a SM with the previous 15 not much better. I have two beautiful children, whom without I would not still be here in this SM. I have recently read something on EP by aprocypha about living authentically and facing up to reality, this really resonated with me and I guess I begin the journey of living for me and my kids.
I'm looking forward to getting to know you all.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 1, 2016 21:10:47 GMT -5
Hi all, I've finally found you ! So this is where we all come to share and reveal the real us. Like many of you, too many lonely nights and rejections sent me looking for what's wrong with me, I've stumbled through the other sites and forums before finally landing here. You all speak my language (loneliness and rejection) and I can relate to your stories. After lurking for a while and reading your experiences, I'm slowly starting to realise It's Not My Fault, for years now I have blamed myself, you all know the thoughts, if only I was more fit, weighed less, did more housework,bought bigger gifts etc etc. I must be a slow learner, as one of my few friends who knows my situation reminds me, but It's Not My Fault. To say that (well type it) out loud is so cathartic. Quick background, I live in Australia and I have been married for 23 years, the last 8 and half have been a SM with the previous 15 not much better. I have two beautiful children, whom without I would not still be here in this SM. I have recently read something on EP by aprocypha about living authentically and facing up to reality, this really resonated with me and I guess I begin the journey of living for me and my kids. I'm looking forward to getting to know you all. Welcome to the group that nobody wants to join. Apocrypha had a lot of wisdom to share. I hope he's doing okay....whatever he's doing now. |
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Post by itsnotmyfault on Jun 2, 2016 5:48:52 GMT -5
Thanks for the welcome smartkat, the group is great, it's the reason we are here that is not I think !
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jun 2, 2016 6:08:51 GMT -5
Hi all, I've finally found you ! So this is where we all come to share and reveal the real us. Like many of you, too many lonely nights and rejections sent me looking for what's wrong with me, I've stumbled through the other sites and forums before finally landing here. You all speak my language (loneliness and rejection) and I can relate to your stories. After lurking for a while and reading your experiences, I'm slowly starting to realise It's Not My Fault, for years now I have blamed myself, you all know the thoughts, if only I was more fit, weighed less, did more housework,bought bigger gifts etc etc. I must be a slow learner, as one of my few friends who knows my situation reminds me, but It's Not My Fault. To say that (well type it) out loud is so cathartic. Quick background, I live in Australia and I have been married for 23 years, the last 8 and half have been a SM with the previous 15 not much better. I have two beautiful children, whom without I would not still be here in this SM. I have recently read something on EP by aprocypha about living authentically and facing up to reality, this really resonated with me and I guess I begin the journey of living for me and my kids. I'm looking forward to getting to know you all. Welcome fellow SM endurer! Hope you find some good chatter and good advice here. It's a great group. On the bright side, you have much nicer weather than me  (UK urrrggghhh!) X |
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Post by itsnotmyfault on Jun 2, 2016 18:10:12 GMT -5
Welcome fellow SM endurer! Hope you find some good chatter and good advice here. It's a great group. On the bright side, you have much nicer weather than me (UK urrrggghhh!) X Thanks eternaloptimism, I've already discovered a whole heap of advice and opinions in the various discussions. Yes, on the bright side (suits your name !) our weather is nicer than yours generally, but this time of the year you get some great summer days, it's turned cold down under (like my marital bed  ?). |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 4, 2016 18:15:49 GMT -5
Welcome @itsnotmyfault! I'm glad you finally woke up and realized it's not your fault! I recently woke up to that too and it had been so freeing and empowering. Hope you find what you need here. I've met some awesome folks here. Fairly new myself.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 5, 2016 11:41:21 GMT -5
Hi. I'm new to the forum. Trying to find a solution for my situation. What would a solution look like to you? Because if you're in a sexless marriage, the odds of going from that to a satisfying sex life with your spouse are slim. So it behooves one in this situation to be clear in their own mind just what they're shooting for. An affair? Ways to cope with celibacy? Divorce? Open marriage? Good sex on a regular basis is unlikely. |
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Post by JMX on Jun 6, 2016 8:27:59 GMT -5
Welcome chrysalis. It's not you, it's him. And it really doesn't matter.
I was so confused because your avatar has a beard! Lol!
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Post by Deleted on Jun 6, 2016 10:53:30 GMT -5
@chrysalis - Welcome to the group. I hope you will be find some comfort here. I could have written your introduction myself - so many of us have had almost the exact same experiences. I'm sorry you needed to find us, but glad you made it here.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 6, 2016 11:08:00 GMT -5
Welcome chrysalis. It's not you, it's him. And it really doesn't matter. I was so confused because your avatar has a beard! Lol! Thank you for the welcome. The avatar beard is a poke at the current beard trend that is turning my stomach.  It does feel like it really matters though =( LOL! Yes, I'm over the beard fad. Guys, by all means - have a beard if it's a flattering look *for you*. But remember it is not a flattering look for everybody! |
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Post by obobfla on Jun 6, 2016 11:59:08 GMT -5
Welcome chrysalis. It's not you, it's him. And it really doesn't matter. I was so confused because your avatar has a beard! Lol! Thank you for the welcome. The avatar beard is a poke at the current beard trend that is turning my stomach. It does feel like it really matters though =( I thought maybe it was because you are a hockey fan and that was your playoff beard. I grew mine a year and a half ago. It covers up my double chin. I'm keeping it, even though my team is out of the playoffs. However, I might shave it if some woman said she would shower me with affection if I was clean-shaven. |
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Post by unmatched on Jun 6, 2016 19:47:20 GMT -5
He says "if you love someone, sex (or the lack of) shouldn't be a deal-breaker." Sorry, but this is bullshit. For some people sex doesn't seem to be important. For other people (a LOT of other people, apparently), a life without sex is like a life without sunshine. You can do it, but over time it just makes you more and more and more miserable. And a marriage without sex, particularly if it is also a marriage without physical affection, is like purgatory. You are there, all the time, with somebody who professes to love you and who won't touch you. Mammals (most of them) are made for touch - we are designed to bond with other mammals that way. And without that touch the bond just slowly withers and dies. Finally, if you love someone and you see them dying slowly every day from lack of sex and lack of touch, and you see your marriage slowly wasting away but you can't bring yourself to do anything about it, what kind of love is that? |
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Post by unmatched on Jun 7, 2016 7:06:21 GMT -5
I agree unmatched , it's BS! Thanks for the response. I have come to liken it to torture. The few people I confide in say cheat or leave -- And really, it should be that simple. It really should. I don't know if you have kids, or what your financial situation is, etc. But I would read as much as you can on here and elsewhere about sexless marriages, and then have a good long think to yourself about why you are staying and what it is doing for you/to you. Especially at your age, you would want to have a pretty good reason to want to commit yourself to celibacy for the rest of your life! |
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sufferinhubby
Junior Member
My marriage is not a tragedy. It's more like a romantic comedy without the romance
Posts: 67 
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by sufferinhubby on Jun 7, 2016 9:32:01 GMT -5
Hi All. This is Sufferin Hubby. Formerly UniversalJoint from EP. I joined EP in 2013 or so but was only active for a few months. I didn't go away bc my sex life got better or I got a divorce. Still stuck in the same sexless marriage. No matter how I try to deal with it, it still eats me up sometimes so it's nice to have this community for support  |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 7, 2016 9:37:24 GMT -5
Hi All. This is Sufferin Hubby. Formerly UniversalJoint from EP. I joined EP in 2013 or so but was only active for a few months. I didn't go away bc my sex life got better or I got a divorce. Still stuck in the same sexless marriage. No matter how I try to deal with it, it still eats me up sometimes so it's nice to have this community for support Welcome! Jump right in the waters warm! I had just gotten started with EP six months ago, and have gone full steam into this sight. Posting your current status with some background is helpful. |
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(UK urrrggghhh!)
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