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Post by Caris on Oct 29, 2016 17:54:08 GMT -5
Having spent all day at home because I wanted to, and feeling a lot of muscle ache from lifting weights this week, I was pretty content, until 4-5 pm rolled around. The thought of spending all night alone again brought on a terrible feeling of loneliness, so I went down to the lake, sat below the canopy of a beautiful weeping willow, and listened to the waves hitting the shore. The mist, the sound of tree frogs, and ducks honking in the distance gave me a sense of comfort and peace, yet the loneliness remained.
It's dark now, and I don't want to leave, but there is nothing to see without lights, so what to do now? The coffee shop and book store? Maybe. I don't want to be with other people. I don't want to drink a latte that I don't want. I don't want to peruse books I have no interest in, and all for the sake of not going home and being alone...and yet I want to be alone, but not home alone.
Why? This kind of loneliness brings my spirits down so low that I don't have the energy or desire to engage in conversation with strangers or be around people. I just want the comfort of nature...the sights, the sounds, and ambience...to comfort this loneliness.
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Post by DryCreek on Oct 29, 2016 23:41:24 GMT -5
Sounds like a fine reason to go find a concert or a performing musician. An opportunity to not be alone, yet not intruded upon by the people around you.
If there's a university in your area, they likely have many regular free performances, as the students need the experience for credit. And of course there are jazz clubs and such that offer mellow performances with atmosphere.
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Post by baza on Oct 30, 2016 0:01:41 GMT -5
Sister Caris.
If you don't write / journal at present, then you fucking well should.
So many of your posts are evocative and descriptive with an economy of words.
I can just abut hear the frogs and the ducks in this one.
And the overall tranquility of the moment.
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Post by wewbwb on Oct 30, 2016 13:28:58 GMT -5
Having spent all day at home because I wanted to, and feeling a lot of muscle ache from lifting weights this week, I was pretty content, until 4-5 pm rolled around. The thought of spending all night alone again brought on a terrible feeling of loneliness, so I went down to the lake, sat below the canopy of a beautiful weeping willow, and listened to the waves hitting the shore. The mist, the sound of tree frogs, and ducks honking in the distance gave me a sense of comfort and peace, yet the loneliness remained. It's dark now, and I don't want to leave, but there is nothing to see without lights, so what to do now? The coffee shop and book store? Maybe. I don't want to be with other people. I don't want to drink a latte that I don't want. I don't want to peruse books I have no interest in, and all for the sake of not going home and being alone...and yet I want to be alone, but not home alone. Why? This kind of loneliness brings my spirits down so low that I don't have the energy or desire to engage in conversation with strangers or be around people. I just want the comfort of nature...the sights, the sounds, and ambience...to comfort this loneliness. I can experience this loneliness while being in the same room with the Frigidaire. |
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Post by Caris on Oct 31, 2016 9:18:25 GMT -5
DryCreek, Going to a concert alone, in that mood, would make me feel even lonelier, and I wouldn't go to a club on my own, and maybe not even as a couple. I've tried the going to restaurants alone. It was awful. When you are surrounded by couples, families, and groups of people all chatting and interacting, and I'm sitting alone staring at the walls, or other people, it just exacerbates how alone I am. Now, I have many opportunities to go out with a group of strangers...like "meet-up" etc, but up to this point, I don't want to explain myself to people I don't know, who ask me the same questions: where are you from? Why are you here? What do you do (or plan to do)? I've answered the same questions repeatedly just inadvertently conversing with strangers in my area, and I'm tired of saying I'm divorced (which actually is still painful for me to say). Perhaps, I need more time to heal. I thought after 17-months, I'd be okay, but I realize that it may take 2-years to recover from 25-years of hell on earth. I'm doing better, but I'm not "there" yet.
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Post by Caris on Oct 31, 2016 9:21:59 GMT -5
Sister Caris. If you don't write / journal at present, then you fucking well should. So many of your posts are evocative and descriptive with an economy of words. I can just abut hear the frogs and the ducks in this one. And the overall tranquility of the moment. Thanks Baz, it's kind of you. |
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Post by Caris on Oct 31, 2016 9:23:48 GMT -5
wewbwb, I know. I went through it for 25-years. I feel for you. 🙅🏼🙁
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Post by itsjustus on Oct 31, 2016 19:00:26 GMT -5
Caris , I found it difficult to hit the like button on your post, but I'm with Baz regarding your writing skills. I admire those writers who can evoke a mental image, a feeling, and actually put me in the moment with them with such an economy of words. You have always impressed me, even previously on EP, with the thought and care that you use in selecting the right words, the right phrase that succinctly brings me into your life, experiencing it thru your eyes, both good and bad. (I am unfortunately, an essay writer....it takes me paragraphs to get across what you can say in a single sentence! Sigh....)
I also agree with what you say about going out to various events and functions by yourself when you're in that frame of mind. I tried it as well, and it just accentuated my feeling of loneliness, seeing other people, couples, and family's enjoying a life that I once had. I understand that one does not know other's trials and tribulations and they may well be in an as unhappy place in their life as I was......but it made no difference to me. Not when I'm in that mood. Fortunately, I was able to find myself, and find my own company to be quite nice. I hadn't experienced that since my teens.
I'm inherently an optimistic person and one who takes delight in the little things in life, but those were still dark day's. I found that to be more cathartic than going out and just staring at walls at some restaurant. I only have a few deep regrets from my withdrawal from life (another story, another time) to try to heal from 32 years of a caustic marriage. But I needed that breakdown and that time to rebuild who I am today. It's been a long journey of growth, one that hopefully never ends.
Take all the time you need. It's more than worth it. (((hugs))) |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 31, 2016 20:25:04 GMT -5
Caris, I know you're in pain - but that was beautiful. Your description of going to the lake was so well done, I almost felt like I was there.
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Post by itsjustus on Oct 31, 2016 21:25:06 GMT -5
Caris , I know you're in pain - but that was beautiful. Your description of going to the lake was so well done, I almost felt like I was there. You're another one of those @smartkat! Dang you!! Two senteces....to say what I said in four! And I was trying to be brief!! I know you probably remember SilentKnight and Unjusted making fun of being "IJU'd" with my paragraph after paragraph of comments, LOL. I should have taken creative writing instead of Debate...sigh. 
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Post by Caris on Nov 2, 2016 17:52:42 GMT -5
Caris , I found it difficult to hit the like button on your post, but I'm with Baz regarding your writing skills. I admire those writers who can evoke a mental image, a feeling, and actually put me in the moment with them with such an economy of words. You have always impressed me, even previously on EP, with the thought and care that you use in selecting the right words, the right phrase that succinctly brings me into your life, experiencing it thru your eyes, both good and bad. (I am unfortunately, an essay writer....it takes me paragraphs to get across what you can say in a single sentence! Sigh....)
I also agree with what you say about going out to various events and functions by yourself when you're in that frame of mind. I tried it as well, and it just accentuated my feeling of loneliness, seeing other people, couples, and family's enjoying a life that I once had. I understand that one does not know other's trials and tribulations and they may well be in an as unhappy place in their life as I was......but it made no difference to me. Not when I'm in that mood. Fortunately, I was able to find myself, and find my own company to be quite nice. I hadn't experienced that since my teens.
I'm inherently an optimistic person and one who takes delight in the little things in life, but those were still dark day's. I found that to be more cathartic than going out and just staring at walls at some restaurant. I only have a few deep regrets from my withdrawal from life (another story, another time) to try to heal from 32 years of a caustic marriage. But I needed that breakdown and that time to rebuild who I am today. It's been a long journey of growth, one that hopefully never ends.
Take all the time you need. It's more than worth it. (((hugs))) Thank you for your understanding, and a lovely message. You are an excellent writer, so don't think you have a problem expressing yourself, you don't. |
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Post by Caris on Nov 2, 2016 17:53:31 GMT -5
Caris, I know you're in pain - but that was beautiful. Your description of going to the lake was so well done, I almost felt like I was there. Thank you, SmartKat. 🙂 |
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