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Post by tamara68 on Oct 25, 2016 16:04:03 GMT -5
My stbx keeps saying I should keep paying everything for him and my daughter. Because we are still married and because I have the moral obligation to do so.
Recently he ordered for more than 1000 Euros of clothes for him and my daughter at a post order site. They needed the payment first. So he instructed me to do the payment.
I didn't reply immediately. Next day I wrote that I won't do it but would like to go shopping with my daughter to buy new clothes for her.
As expected he sent me a very angry reply on how awful I am. And that naturally my daughter doesn't want to go shopping with me now.
I have sent her a text too about wanting to buy clothes together, but she didn't answer to that.
Last week I had an appointment with my lawyer.
He is now going to make a request at court to decide something about finances until divorce.
I have to collect financial information for this now.
It will be good if something is decided formally. Will make it clearer.
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Post by baza on Oct 25, 2016 16:44:54 GMT -5
I don't think your spouse is in any position to be dispensing moral advice.
Or, if he is in to dispensing moral advice to you, you are under no obligation to take any notice of it.
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Anyway, getting this ILIASM shithole sorted out legally, within your (and his) legal entitlements and obligations is the smart play.
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Post by DryCreek on Oct 25, 2016 20:02:57 GMT -5
tamara68, that's what child support and spousal maintenance pays for. I'm sure he would feel differently if the roles were reversed - he's not entitled to unlimited access to your bank account. Take your lawyer's advice, but it would seem reasonable to provide roughly what you expect the court to award for monthly maintenance and child support (perhaps a little under) - and then, ask the court to set an interim amount to settle the issue. Lacking that, if he has access to half of the assets, he can tap that reserve and then petition the court to make adjustments. But if he thinks he can spend lavishly and demand you pay for it, he will probably be very disappointed. "Delusional" springs to mind.
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Post by Pinkberry on Oct 25, 2016 22:56:45 GMT -5
I think taking your daughter shopping is perfectly reasonable. Unless there are exceptional circumstances of which I'm not aware, that should not be something she can opt out of. She needs clothes. You will take her to get what she needs. Done.
However, it sounds like your husband currently has residential custody of your daughter. If so, be cautious. You would likely be surprised at how unfriendly a court can be to a non-custodial mother. My refuser also refused to work during the vast majority of our marriage. That made no difference to the judge as anything that happened before the separation is considered "agreed upon" by the parties. At the time of the filing, my refuser made significantly more money than I did. I still ended up having to pay him a metric fuckton of cash to care for my kids after he stole them from me.
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Post by tamara68 on Oct 26, 2016 3:10:44 GMT -5
tamara68 , that's what child support and spousal maintenance pays for. I'm sure he would feel differently if the roles were reversed - he's not entitled to unlimited access to your bank account. Take your lawyer's advice, but it would seem reasonable to provide roughly what you expect the court to award for monthly maintenance and child support (perhaps a little under) - and then, ask the court to set an interim amount to settle the issue. Lacking that, if he has access to half of the assets, he can tap that reserve and then petition the court to make adjustments. But if he thinks he can spend lavishly and demand you pay for it, he will probably be very disappointed. "Delusional" springs to mind. He can't access my personal money and there was not that much on our mutual accounts. He has nearly emptied them now. My lawyer suggested I pay a limited amount for my daughter. He informed my stbx I would do that. I don't earn that much, it is very well possible that the court won't tell me to pay maintenance for my stbx. My lawyer says that if I start paying things for him now before anything is decided, that will probably be held against me. Better to wait and don't pay anything for him until I have to. Delusional is exactly what my stbx is. |
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Post by tamara68 on Oct 26, 2016 3:13:16 GMT -5
I think taking your daughter shopping is perfectly reasonable. Unless there are exceptional circumstances of which I'm not aware, that should not be something she can opt out of. She needs clothes. You will take her to get what she needs. Done. However, it sounds like your husband currently has residential custody of your daughter. If so, be cautious. You would likely be surprised at how unfriendly a court can be to a non-custodial mother. My refuser also refused to work during the vast majority of our marriage. That made no difference to the judge as anything that happened before the separation is considered "agreed upon" by the parties. At the time of the filing, my refuser made significantly more money than I did. I still ended up having to pay him a metric fuckton of cash to care for my kids after he stole them from me. I think my stbx and my daughter both won't let me take her for shopping. Nothing has been decided about custody yet, but it is likely she will stay with her dad. I hope eventually she will be at least a considerable amount of time with me. Your situation sound awful to me. Insane that you ended up having to pay for him. |
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Post by tamara68 on Oct 26, 2016 3:14:14 GMT -5
I don't think your spouse is in any position to be dispensing moral advice. Or, if he is in to dispensing moral advice to you, you are under no obligation to take any notice of it. - Anyway, getting this ILIASM shithole sorted out legally, within your (and his) legal entitlements and obligations is the smart play. I ignore almost all writings I get from my stbx. And I do as my lawyer suggests. |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 26, 2016 12:51:45 GMT -5
Great - FWIW, I think you are handling this very well. Keep on doing what your lawyer tells you!
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