|
|
Post by cagedtiger on Oct 25, 2016 15:57:12 GMT -5
|
|
|
|
Post by baza on Oct 25, 2016 17:16:17 GMT -5
The inference I drew from these catchy short statements in the linked article was that they were essentially saying - "everything is great bar the sex".
Or at a bare minimum - "the primary problem is the sex".
-
If that is the case, then they are on a dead end track, as the sex invariably is merely the tip of a very large and dysfunctional iceberg.
-
Still, the "scented candle" strategy would apply well in these cases.
Giving the "scented candles" strategy a whirl would flush things out in to the open.
If it works, then perhaps it was just a matter of the deal being stale / jaded.
If it doesn't work, then you know that you have an ILIASM shithole on your hands.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2016 17:16:44 GMT -5
Any one of us could have written any one of those. They're all a kick in the gut.
|
|
|
|
Post by DryCreek on Oct 25, 2016 20:41:54 GMT -5
"Dear, I'm doing 30 days of sex - with or without you. Your choice."
Dare to dream.
|
|
|
|
Post by novembercomingfire on Oct 26, 2016 12:10:47 GMT -5
I suspect that many here have tried the thirty days of sex "plan'" and while i can guess the general results, i would love to hear about some other experiences.
My birthday one year: "would you like sex for thirty days for your gift?"
Well, sure (suspiciously) ...
Lasted two days. I was able to wheedle an extra day by reducing expectations to not require actual intercourse, but, yeah, happy birthday to me ...
I guess i shouldn't complain. Two days in a row. Never before or since ...
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 26, 2016 13:55:32 GMT -5
"Dear, I'm doing 30 days of sex - with or without you. Your choice." Dare to dream. What's the worst that would happen? |
|
|
|
Post by cagedtiger on Oct 26, 2016 14:36:59 GMT -5
I suspect that many here have tried the thirty days of sex "plan'" and while i can guess the general results, i would love to hear about some other experiences. My birthday one year: "would you like sex for thirty days for your gift?" Well, sure (suspiciously) ... Lasted two days. I was able to wheedle an extra day by reducing expectations to not require actual intercourse, but, yeah, happy birthday to me ... I guess i shouldn't complain. Two days in a row. Never before or since ... I brought it up and was soundly shot down. Let's see if it gets brought up in counseling next week though after I unload about all the lack of sex. And Jesus- we haven't had sex ever on my birthday while we've been together... |
|
|
|
Post by DryCreek on Oct 26, 2016 19:31:40 GMT -5
And Jesus- we haven't had sex ever on my birthday while we've been together... Of course not. Sex and celebration have nothing to do with each other... |
|
|
|
Post by JonDoe on Oct 26, 2016 20:22:16 GMT -5
I brought it up and was soundly shot down. Let's see if it gets brought up in counseling next week though after I unload about all the lack of sex. And Jesus- we haven't had sex ever on my birthday while we've been together... Silly you, sex is obviously a reward system, and should be doled out sparingly.  |
|
|
|
Post by baza on Oct 27, 2016 21:37:17 GMT -5
The "intermittent reward" system is a stock in trade amongst avoidant spouses Brother JonDoe.
It has a proven record of success, and not just in ILIASM shitholes.
It is the primary method of training dogs.
-
When the dog does something you want him to do, a food reward and affection follows EVERY time - initially.
When the behaviour is entrenched, the food and affection reward is only given occasionally, on a random basis.
But the dog will still "Sit" half out of habit, half out of possibly getting a food / affection reward this time.
-
Avoidant spouses do the same thing, instinctively usually.
You get trained to jump through a series of hoops with a root as a reward initially.
Then, your hoop jumping may, or may not result in a root.
Then your hoop jumping rarely results in a root.
But you persist, as "this time" might be "THE time"
-
The avoidant spouse still wants you to hoop jump, to want them, to keep you around as financier / social accessory / child minder / whatever, but they don't actually want "you", the person overly much at all.
-
The "intermittent reward" strategy is an excellent method of achieving what the avoidant wants.
And, it can be played out over years in various variations on the theme.
|
|
