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Post by wewbwb on Oct 25, 2016 8:48:34 GMT -5
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Post by beachguy on Oct 25, 2016 9:38:32 GMT -5
Yea it's always the guy's fault. Next bs article please
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Post by Caris on Oct 25, 2016 10:41:07 GMT -5
I haven't read the article yet, but just the title, "emotionally intelligent husband" has me saying, "yes," but that's only half of it. A good marriage/relationship needs two emotionally intelligent beings. Not all women are emotionally intelligent either.
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Post by wewbwb on Oct 25, 2016 10:53:20 GMT -5
Yea it's always the guy's fault. Next bs article please That was my impression also. However I didn't what to skewer anyone's opinion. Towards the end they do talk a little about compromise. |
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Post by Dan on Oct 25, 2016 11:11:06 GMT -5
I haven't read the article yet, but just the title, "emotionally intelligent husband" has me saying, "yes," but that's only half of it. A good marriage/relationship needs two emotionally intelligent beings. Not all women are emotionally intelligent either. I *did* quickly read the article, and am left with the impression Caris mentions. The article does admit: There are plenty of women who are unaware of these social nuisances and men who are deeply sensitive to others.
However, rather dumbly, the article uses the term "emotionally intelligent" three times and never once defines it. It's not really "blaming men" for anything; but it really does just wade around the stereotype that "women tend to be sensitive; men tend not to be": In Dr. Gottman's research, however, only 35% of the men were emotionally intelligent.
It then basically concludes "relationships works better if men are more sensitive." I hope he didn't spend any taxpayer money figuring that out. But why is this relationship article in Business Insider??? Perhaps he DID get taxpayer money to fund this study, and he is implicitly staying "hey, I made a buck this way, maybe you can, too." Who wants to co-author the next study with me? Here is my working premise: "Undersexed people who like sex lead happier lives when they get more sex." Who wants to work with me investigating this? |
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Post by baza on Oct 25, 2016 17:31:06 GMT -5
Quote off Wikpedia -
"Emotional intelligence (EI) or emotional quotient (EQ) is the capability of individuals to recognize their own, and other people's emotions, to discriminate between different feelings and label them appropriately, to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior, and to manage and/or adjust emotions to adapt environments or achieve one's goal(s).[1]"
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Given the above description, it ain't such a stretch to figure that refusive / avoidant spouses are for the most part, very emotionally intelligent.
After all, they tend to be expert at reading your emotions and then belting you over the head with them to control the situation.
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"Emotional intelligence".
There's a good side to it.
There's also a darker side to it.
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Addendum
Having emotional intelligence is one thing.
What might be done with that emotional intelligence is quite another.
"This" person might deploy it in a way that enhances a relationship.
"That" person might deploy it in a way that controls a relationship.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2016 18:03:57 GMT -5
Three words.
The article serms to be saying men will have a happier marriage the more they say "Of course, dear."
They will have fewer arguments with their wives. To some, this is a happy marriage. To each their own.
I think a lot of the population of both sexes in this forum are here because they never stood up to their spouse and said "This is bullshit."
Again, to each their own. Handle your sexless marriage as you see fit. If you use the first, you will indeed have fewer fights, blow ups, confrontations, meltdowns, histrionics, and arguments. Perhaps this will make you happy.
If you use the second, you'll rock the boat, you might get into some ugly scenes, but if you back it up with consequences for inaction, you might have sex a few times before you die.
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Post by Dan on Oct 25, 2016 18:29:56 GMT -5
Given the above description, it ain't such a stretch to figure that refusive / avoidant spouses are for the most part, very emotionally intelligent. Maybe generally. I gather you are saying this along the lines of the "Refuser as Controller / Manipulator" archetype. I would NOT estimate my wife's "EQ" as very high: I don't think she is an expert read of many of those around her. A bit easily perturbed by others. Not a manipulator or schemer. And doesn't find sex a "need". Thus, she is unaware of my simple needs: a bit of patience, some touch, an understanding glance, and sex once in a while. I also don't think she has the slightest clue how deeply checked out of the marriage I am. How can she POSSIBLY be ranked with any appreciable EQ? |
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Post by unmatched on Oct 25, 2016 18:45:02 GMT -5
I don't think being emotionally manipulative and avoidant equates to emotional intelligence. Very often that kind of behaviour, however well honed, comes as a knee jerk reaction because they need to avoid feeling difficult emotions or being in difficult situations.
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Post by JonDoe on Oct 25, 2016 19:30:32 GMT -5
This article is so damn one sided. If Dr. Gottman wants to do another study, I'll let him walk a month in my shoes. Love to hear what he'd write about after that.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2016 22:25:29 GMT -5
This article is so damn one sided. If Dr. Gottman wants to do another study, I'll let him walk a month in my shoes. Love to hear what he'd write about after that. You sell more books by saying men are 15 years old emotionally, incapable of meaningful conversation, and just want to watch football and drink beer...and you have a simple solution in 5 Easy Steps. |
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