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Post by DryCreek on Oct 23, 2016 21:50:25 GMT -5
I'm not even 50 yet, so the retired life has always been something decades away in my mind. But a buddy of mine is seriously exploring the idea to sell everything, move to a low-cost country, and retire 20 years early. Reality and compromises aside, it got me thinking: just what does retirement mean for me and W? And I realized that I don't think it holds any positives for her (never mind compromising lifestyle to do it sooner). This was a real eye-opener. Not unlike my post on ggold's thread about her husband's perspective on divorce... "Retirement" is a concept that benefits me, but not necessarily W. When I retire, it means more freedom to pursue passions and do things I've never had time for. But W was a stay-at-home-mom for the last 22 years, and now the kids are grown. She already has the freedom and money to pursue her interests, travel to visit friends, etc. As long as I'm working, the cost isn't worrisome and I'm out of her hair too. That changes once I retire, so she doesn't gain much. It occurred to me that one of the key benefits of retiring is having a lot more time to spend together, travel together, etc. But getting there with someone who isn't so excited to be with you... well, that kinda defeats the whole idea. And they sure as hell aren't going to compromise their lifestyle to get there early. My buddy's a lucky guy, that his wife shares his aspirations and sees early retirement as a Good Thing. |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Oct 23, 2016 21:58:15 GMT -5
I'm not even 50 yet, so the retired life has always been something decades away in my mind. But a buddy of mine is seriously exploring the idea to sell everything, move to a low-cost country, and retire 20 years early. Reality and compromises aside, it got me thinking: just what does retirement mean for me and W. And I realized that I don't think it holds any positives for her (never mind compromising lifestyle to do it sooner). This was a real eye-opener for me. Not unlike my post on ggold's thread about her husband's perspective on divorce... "Retirement" is a concept that only benefits me. When I retire, it means more freedom to pursue passions and do things I've never had time for. But W was a stay-at-home-mom for the last 22 years, and now the kids are grown. She already has the freedom and money to pursue her interests, travel to visit friends, etc. As long as I'm working, the cost isn't worrisome and I'm out of her hair too. That changes once I retire, so she doesn't gain much. It occurred to me that one of the key benefits of retiring is having a lot more time to spend together, travel together, etc. Getting there with someone who isn't so excited to be with you... well, that kinda defeats the whole idea. And they sure as hell aren't going to compromise their lifestyle to get there early. My buddy's a lucky guy, that his wife shares his aspirations and sees early retirement as a Good Thing. My BIL & his wife did this - years back. They traveled the globe for 2 yrs then settled in Mexico, then Vietnam, then China. He teaches ESL & she writes her travel blog. They're now in Ecuador & plan to stay. The pics are amazing. They invite visitors- so I hope to see their playa someday. It's incredible what a well paired couple can do when they decide to. They are very happy in their ex-pat life. |
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Post by unmatched on Oct 23, 2016 22:01:42 GMT -5
Assuming you don't retire early, your wife has been at home for the last 22 years. Picture doing all that time again - in another 22 years you will still only be in the relatively early stages of your retirement together. And then who knows, you might get another 1, 5, 10, 20 years more. Are you seriously considering putting in that many more years with someone if she is really not interested in you being around?
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Post by baza on Oct 23, 2016 22:07:48 GMT -5
Another aspect of retiring / not working full time is that it throws you and your spouse together much much more.
In a functional deal, this is likely to be a good thing.
In a dysfunctional situation like mine was, it hastened the end of our deal.
Instead of being unhappy in her presence for say a few hours a day, it moved to being unhappy in her presence many hours a day.
I was quite aghast at the prospect of full retirement and being with her 24/7.
I am quite certain in my own mind that going in to semi retirement greatly accelerated me getting out.
And that, was a good thing.
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Post by JonDoe on Oct 23, 2016 22:09:40 GMT -5
If the kids are grown then perhaps it is time for her to get a full-time job and contribute financially too.
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Post by Rhapsodee on Oct 23, 2016 22:41:11 GMT -5
I invite my hub to join me for in all my activities. I invite him to Walk with me, join the hiking club with me, come learn to dance with me, he always says no. What is his retirement going to be like? He doesn't want to do anything with my now. I fear he will start trying to manage me.
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Post by Rhapsodee on Oct 23, 2016 22:51:55 GMT -5
If the kids are grown then perhaps it is time for her to get a full-time job and contribute financially too. My hub is 63 and I'm 56. The kids are grown. I haven't worked a conventional job since our daughter was born 26 years ago. I did run a custom framing business from home for 20 years. Now, I do all the landscaping and home maintenance. I pay myself and believe me, I am waaaaay less expensive than a regular handyman. I'm just saying that not all housewives are freeloaders. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Oct 23, 2016 22:55:42 GMT -5
Retirement did/does enter my mind when thinking divorce and staying in a SM. But 15 more years? One more year seamed like an eternity.
My STBX "magically" after 24 yrs managed to start working at home 3 to 4 days a week, just two weeks into the divorce! The being together, at home strongly enforces my decision to end things. The relief when we are apart,is short lived when I know she is coming home.
Never one to bring up politics, however, let us not forget that "retirement" could easily be bumped to age 70 in America.
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Post by solodriver on Oct 23, 2016 23:32:33 GMT -5
My wife is 67 and I will be 57 next week. Every time I ask her to do something with me, she usually says No to me. I guess if or when I retire, I will have more time to do things by myself.
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Post by DryCreek on Oct 23, 2016 23:44:58 GMT -5
Assuming you don't retire early, your wife has been at home for the last 22 years. Picture doing all that time again - in another 22 years you will still only be in the relatively early stages of your retirement together. And then who knows, you might get another 1, 5, 10, 20 years more. Are you seriously considering putting in that many more years with someone if she is really not interested in you being around? Yup. It's been an eye-opener. Looking at my buddy's prospects, it occurred to me that W wouldn't be excited about such an idea because it's all sacrifice and no gain from her perspective. And then, it's highlighted to me that retirement with her won't be the "opportunity" I hope it to be, whether sooner or later. |
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Post by DryCreek on Oct 23, 2016 23:52:11 GMT -5
My BIL & his wife did this - years back. They traveled the globe for 2 yrs then settled in Mexico, then Vietnam, then China. He teaches ESL & she writes her travel blog. They're now in Ecuador & plan to stay. The pics are amazing. They invite visitors- so I hope to see their playa someday. It's incredible what a well paired couple can do when they decide to. They are very happy in their ex-pat life. It's amazing how cheaply you can travel the world when you're not rushed to visit like a tourist. An apartment in Italy can be had for a month for less than the cost of 2 nights in a full-service hotel. Teaching ESL (English as a Second Language) is a skill most of us take for granted, and is in good demand in many geographies. At local wages, but with local expenses - it can make retirement that much easier and be a great way to integrate into the local culture. I'm curious... how old were they, did they have kids, and what did they do for a living that enabled them to retire abroad? |
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Post by DryCreek on Oct 23, 2016 23:59:22 GMT -5
If the kids are grown then perhaps it is time for her to get a full-time job and contribute financially too. My hub is 63 and I'm 56. The kids are grown. I haven't worked a conventional job since our daughter was born 26 years ago. I did run a custom framing business from home for 20 years. Now, I do all the landscaping and home maintenance. I pay myself and believe me, I am waaaaay less expensive than a regular handyman. I'm just saying that not all housewives are freeloaders. And I don't mean to come off as bashing stay-at-home spouses, if it came across that way. Rather, I observe that she's now enjoying many retirement-like lifestyle benefits (which, truthfully, I'm a bit envious of) - and that my retirement will actually reduce her lifestyle, not add to it. Normally, the desire to adventure as a couple might override, but lacking that motivation I realized that our interests may not be aligned. It's an interesting factor to consider in the big picture. |
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Post by DryCreek on Oct 24, 2016 0:04:17 GMT -5
My wife is 67 and I will be 57 next week. Every time I ask her to do something with me, she usually says No to me. I guess if or when I retire, I will have more time to do things by myself. If that floats your boat. I have many solo interests, but I would gladly set them aside for the opportunity to share a passionate life. |
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Post by unmatched on Oct 24, 2016 0:14:24 GMT -5
My wife is 67 and I will be 57 next week. Every time I ask her to do something with me, she usually says No to me. I guess if or when I retire, I will have more time to do things by myself. If that floats your boat. I have many solo interests, but I would gladly set them aside for the opportunity to share a passionate life. If your desire for passion disappeared overnight (not that it will!), can you see you and your wife sharing a life and doing stuff together that is interesting to both of you? Or do you think you would still be on parallel tracks? |
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Post by DryCreek on Oct 24, 2016 0:21:43 GMT -5
If your desire for passion disappeared overnight (not that it will!), can you see you and your wife sharing a life and doing stuff together that is interesting to both of you? Or do you think you would still be on parallel tracks? I think it would be quite easy for us to maintain the status quo, with separate solo interests. Occasionally, a trip together, but more like Lewis & Clark than like Bonnie & Clyde. "See something new", not "Grab life by the balls". |
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