Dreams From My Counselor: The Audacity of Hope
Oct 20, 2016 21:38:04 GMT -5
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Dan, GeekGoddess, and 9 more like this
Post by JMX on Oct 20, 2016 21:38:04 GMT -5
Individual counseling is one thing, couples counseling has been quite another.
My individual counsellor recommended our couples' counsellor. I like both of them.
I am having some light bulb moments with my individual, but to be honest, I am pretty self-aware (so I think), I know what needs to be fixed (so I think) and I know my moods.she is now trying to get me to relax (hard for a procrastinating perfectionist) and to figure out for myself what I need. It's helpful.
Couple's counseling dude? Love him. He is definitely not just phoning it in. He has correctly understood it's not the sexlessness, but an underlying issue. He has dug pretty deep and in just two sessions, I feel pretty good about it overall. No matter where it takes us.
Some of the high/low points:
How many years of the almost 14 married would you consider "unhappy"?
H: 4
Me: 10
How much porn do you watch?
Me: porn for women, tumblr, Brookstone Neck Massager, about 2-3 times per week.
H: 2-3 times per week (no elaboration)
Family history and why we are the way we are and why we communicate the way we do:
Me: my family argues a LOT. All of us at the same time. We get it all on the table. There are never hard feelings when anyone leaves. We enjoy debate. We love each other and do not walk on egg shells.
H on my family: it makes him uncomfortable how we throw it all out there and "argue".
H: if someone has a problem with another in the family, they pull that person aside and tell them privately.
Me on H's family: I cannot understand this - my perception is they never talk about anything of substance and brush it under the rug, never acknowledge each other's feelings or perspectives, never apologize when one is REALLY, really more than overdue.
We have discussed his job loss and depression.
Me wanting a hug or a thank you for holding everything up. Or when I cry because the stress is killing me and I feel like I get no help at all.
Reporting back on porn use when asked to stop for two weeks:
H: hasn't done it and hasn't missed it.
Me: did it 3x and after I thought about it was super pissed that I had to refrain from taking care of myself as I am NOT the problem, so I rebelled.
Counsellor comments on how in session we talk to each other and make and maintain eye contact at all times, said that is rare of couples in peril.
Acknowledged my high-energy personality and H's counter with not being high-energy in verbal respects but a deep thinker (true). I had to back up at one point to make it clear that I process thoughts as I speak and the words that come out of my mouth are a "living document" and subject to change. I process ideas by bouncing them off of someone - this can be off-putting to someone that thinks (and thinks and thinks and thinks) before they speak.
I could tell on both sessions at about 45 minutes, H was done. He had a hard time sitting still and I knew he had reached his limit. I kept that to myself, but I know him well enough. He gave it his all for the first 45 minutes though. Talked more than he ever does, actually.
He left first to get back to work while I paid and set new appointment. Then, because the counsellor is also a talker ❤️, we kept on and he went into intimacy, commented that we were already emotionally intimate (I, of course, attribute this to me because I am a confidant asshole) and talked about tantra and the idea of breathing exercises for a later time.
I am not sure if I will stay married. I am not saying this counselor is not for shit. I am not sure what I really want, to be honest.
I AM sure I am going to listen to Sting and play with my neck massager tonight as I AM NOT THE PROBLEM HERE. Sting is a follower of tantra and I ❤️ my Brookstone neck massager on my bits.
Sleep tight, lovies!
My individual counsellor recommended our couples' counsellor. I like both of them.
I am having some light bulb moments with my individual, but to be honest, I am pretty self-aware (so I think), I know what needs to be fixed (so I think) and I know my moods.she is now trying to get me to relax (hard for a procrastinating perfectionist) and to figure out for myself what I need. It's helpful.
Couple's counseling dude? Love him. He is definitely not just phoning it in. He has correctly understood it's not the sexlessness, but an underlying issue. He has dug pretty deep and in just two sessions, I feel pretty good about it overall. No matter where it takes us.
Some of the high/low points:
How many years of the almost 14 married would you consider "unhappy"?
H: 4
Me: 10
How much porn do you watch?
Me: porn for women, tumblr, Brookstone Neck Massager, about 2-3 times per week.
H: 2-3 times per week (no elaboration)
Family history and why we are the way we are and why we communicate the way we do:
Me: my family argues a LOT. All of us at the same time. We get it all on the table. There are never hard feelings when anyone leaves. We enjoy debate. We love each other and do not walk on egg shells.
H on my family: it makes him uncomfortable how we throw it all out there and "argue".
H: if someone has a problem with another in the family, they pull that person aside and tell them privately.
Me on H's family: I cannot understand this - my perception is they never talk about anything of substance and brush it under the rug, never acknowledge each other's feelings or perspectives, never apologize when one is REALLY, really more than overdue.
We have discussed his job loss and depression.
Me wanting a hug or a thank you for holding everything up. Or when I cry because the stress is killing me and I feel like I get no help at all.
Reporting back on porn use when asked to stop for two weeks:
H: hasn't done it and hasn't missed it.
Me: did it 3x and after I thought about it was super pissed that I had to refrain from taking care of myself as I am NOT the problem, so I rebelled.
Counsellor comments on how in session we talk to each other and make and maintain eye contact at all times, said that is rare of couples in peril.
Acknowledged my high-energy personality and H's counter with not being high-energy in verbal respects but a deep thinker (true). I had to back up at one point to make it clear that I process thoughts as I speak and the words that come out of my mouth are a "living document" and subject to change. I process ideas by bouncing them off of someone - this can be off-putting to someone that thinks (and thinks and thinks and thinks) before they speak.
I could tell on both sessions at about 45 minutes, H was done. He had a hard time sitting still and I knew he had reached his limit. I kept that to myself, but I know him well enough. He gave it his all for the first 45 minutes though. Talked more than he ever does, actually.
He left first to get back to work while I paid and set new appointment. Then, because the counsellor is also a talker ❤️, we kept on and he went into intimacy, commented that we were already emotionally intimate (I, of course, attribute this to me because I am a confidant asshole) and talked about tantra and the idea of breathing exercises for a later time.
I am not sure if I will stay married. I am not saying this counselor is not for shit. I am not sure what I really want, to be honest.
I AM sure I am going to listen to Sting and play with my neck massager tonight as I AM NOT THE PROBLEM HERE. Sting is a follower of tantra and I ❤️ my Brookstone neck massager on my bits.
Sleep tight, lovies!
