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Post by Deleted on Apr 12, 2016 17:05:43 GMT -5
Do any men ever feel both respect AND desire for a woman?
It seems to be that they either like you as a friend, but don't want you - OR they want sex but they don't take you seriously as a person.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 12, 2016 17:17:27 GMT -5
I can say that I can do both. Frankly, a deep discussion followed by passionate fucking can make for a wonderful time together.
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Post by unmatched on Apr 12, 2016 18:20:23 GMT -5
That hasn't been my experience. I suspect that men are generally terrified of having to make the moves and being turned down. So it is easier to do when you are in a bar and had a few drinks, or if you see somebody attractive and think 'what the hell, let's play the odds and see what happens'. Once you are in a serious conversation with somebody you really like then the ante is turned up massively and it is a much more intimidating prospect. So a lot of men will just chicken out.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 12, 2016 22:04:15 GMT -5
I'm betting nearly all men want the women they respect.
Really bad!
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Post by Deleted on Apr 12, 2016 22:22:03 GMT -5
I put this on EP, too. What inspired this post: my problematic friend "Amy" was disparaging my taste in men; she said something like, "Don't you want a *decent* man?" (as opposed to a man who only cares about sex)
I answered, "Well, I had Mr. Kat; and he was so 'decent' he wouldn't even be sexual with me."
It's like one extreme or another: men I talk to online (I'm not dating IRL yet) seem to be either total horndogs, or else refusers.
Where are the men in the middle of the two extremes?
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Moetse Tau
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Post by Moetse Tau on Apr 13, 2016 2:17:53 GMT -5
Intelligence, kindness, sense of humor. These are the things that foster a respect for a woman for me. While physical qualities create desire and lust, if I cant have an intelligent conversation with a woman, the desire and lust may still be there, but time spent with her would only be for sex, until I got tired of the idiocy.
I may not have much desire and lust for my W any more(due to years of refusal, and, now, somewhat undesirable physical qualities), but I still respect her and enjoy the conversations we have and she can still make me laugh.
In the past, I have met women that were absolutely stunning, but idiots. In some cases, the idiocy was so bad, desire and lust faltered.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 13, 2016 8:10:20 GMT -5
I put this on EP, too. What inspired this post: my problematic friend "Amy" was disparaging my taste in men; she said something like, "Don't you want a *decent* man?" (as opposed to a man who only cares about sex) I answered, "Well, I had Mr. Kat; and he was so 'decent' he wouldn't even be sexual with me." It's like one extreme or another: men I talk to online (I'm not dating IRL yet) seem to be either total horndogs, or else refusers. Where are the men in the middle of the two extremes? What's wrong with the horned dogs? |
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Post by greatcoastal on Apr 13, 2016 9:01:51 GMT -5
I'd probably come across as one of those , a decent really nice guy, that I would look like a refuser. A big part of that is in your up bringing. Taught to be respectful of others including women and your spouse, putting others needs first, yet even hinting that you have sexual thoughts for that person, well... Now your being dis-respectful , your treating them like a piece of meat, or your only thinking of your self. See the fear in that?
Many of my relationship experiences revolved around the woman making a intimate/sexual advance, and then having to proceed with caution,due to the fear of looking dis-respectful.
So, yes, the intimacy, and respect can both be there, big time.
This also delves into men's fears of taking charge and being a leader, compared to, being such a nice, well mannered, live In a box, bring home a paycheck, husband/daddy.
Many men do encourage a woman's aggression, and find it a great burden lifted off of them to always be the aggressor . Aggression also sets you up for denial. Many see that as failure.
Humans are a complicated bunch... I is one!!
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Post by Deleted on Apr 13, 2016 10:08:35 GMT -5
I put this on EP, too. What inspired this post: my problematic friend "Amy" was disparaging my taste in men; she said something like, "Don't you want a *decent* man?" (as opposed to a man who only cares about sex) I answered, "Well, I had Mr. Kat; and he was so 'decent' he wouldn't even be sexual with me." It's like one extreme or another: men I talk to online (I'm not dating IRL yet) seem to be either total horndogs, or else refusers. Where are the men in the middle of the two extremes? Kat, your friend Amy is seriously disturbed. I really don't see why anyone would want to disparage someone else in this way. Remember, she is a refuser herself and has no idea how devastating refusal is. |
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Post by wewbwb on Apr 13, 2016 13:51:31 GMT -5
Do any men ever feel both respect AND desire for a woman? It seems to be that they either like you as a friend, but don't want you - OR they want sex but they don't take you seriously as a person. Well, I think that is a sadly narrow view of men. Thanks for that. I am sure that those men exist however, speaking for myself, yes, men can. Again, smart is sexy. Sexy is a frame of mind. A wise man once said "You can't fix stupid"  |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 13, 2016 15:17:22 GMT -5
Do any men ever feel both respect AND desire for a woman? It seems to be that they either like you as a friend, but don't want you - OR they want sex but they don't take you seriously as a person. Well, I think that is a sadly narrow view of men. Thanks for that. I am sure that those men exist however, speaking for myself, yes, men can. Again, smart is sexy. Sexy is a frame of mind. A wise man once said "You can't fix stupid" See, though, wewbwb, that is NOT what I want to believe about men. I want to believe that a man could be intelligent, respectful, a decent human being and a good friend...AND want me for sex. I'm still looking through the lens of my refuser. He was and is one of the best friends I've ever had. Wicked smart, and a very good human being. But he lost all desire for me. Then, many of guys I've encountered online only want to talk sexy with me. (Not all of them, but a lot of them.) I want a man who shows me both sides of his personality. I really DON'T want to believe that the prissy old ladies of this world are right when they say, "Men are only after one thing." |
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Post by wewbwb on Apr 13, 2016 15:23:22 GMT -5
Well, I think that is a sadly narrow view of men. Thanks for that. I am sure that those men exist however, speaking for myself, yes, men can. Again, smart is sexy. Sexy is a frame of mind. A wise man once said "You can't fix stupid" See, though, wewbwb, that is NOT what I want to believe about men. I want to believe that a man could be intelligent, respectful, a decent human being and a good friend...AND want me for sex. I'm still looking through the lens of my refuser. He was and is one of the best friends I've ever had. Wicked smart, and a very good human being. But he lost all desire for me. Then, many of guys I've encountered online only want to talk sexy with me. (Not all of them, but a lot of them.) I want a man who shows me both sides of his personality. I really DON'T want to believe that the prissy old ladies of this world are right when they say, "Men are only after one thing." Well, we are after one thing. An intelligent woman who likes sex. Or the old saying..."A lady in the dining room...." |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 13, 2016 15:27:22 GMT -5
Well, I think that is a sadly narrow view of men. Thanks for that. I am sure that those men exist however, speaking for myself, yes, men can. Again, smart is sexy. Sexy is a frame of mind. A wise man once said "You can't fix stupid" See, though, wewbwb, that is NOT what I want to believe about men. I want to believe that a man could be intelligent, respectful, a decent human being and a good friend...AND want me for sex. I'm still looking through the lens of my refuser. He was and is one of the best friends I've ever had. Wicked smart, and a very good human being. But he lost all desire for me. Then, many of guys I've encountered online only want to talk sexy with me. (Not all of them, but a lot of them.) I want a man who shows me both sides of his personality. I really DON'T want to believe that the prissy old ladies of this world are right when they say, "Men are only after one thing." Well, look for men who are intelligent first, but also are horny as hell. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 13, 2016 15:36:24 GMT -5
See, though, wewbwb, that is NOT what I want to believe about men. I want to believe that a man could be intelligent, respectful, a decent human being and a good friend...AND want me for sex. I'm still looking through the lens of my refuser. He was and is one of the best friends I've ever had. Wicked smart, and a very good human being. But he lost all desire for me. Then, many of guys I've encountered online only want to talk sexy with me. (Not all of them, but a lot of them.) I want a man who shows me both sides of his personality. I really DON'T want to believe that the prissy old ladies of this world are right when they say, "Men are only after one thing." Well, we are after one thing. An intelligent woman who likes sex. Or the old saying..."A lady in the dining room...." A lady in the dining room...who will grope you under the table? [grin] |
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Post by wewbwb on Apr 13, 2016 15:38:07 GMT -5
Exactly, while discussing "Is nuclear energy a viable alternative to carbon based energy?"
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