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Post by DryCreek on Apr 30, 2016 2:00:44 GMT -5
I guess what I DON'T want is either of these two kinds of men: 1) Men who only like me as a non-sexual, platonic friend. (These guys are great - as non-sexual, platonic friends for me. Not as a date, romantic interest, or partner.) 2) Men who want sex with me, but ONLY sex - who do not want to do anything else with me. (I'm not really the one-night-stand type - so there has to be something besides sex. I could deal with a FWB situation, but I take the "F" seriously.) A healthy guy will engage you in deep conversation, meanwhile subconsciously plotting to steer the conversation toward pillow talk... Her: "They say guys think about sex every 5 minutes, on average." Him: "Yeah, so?" Her: "So, we've been talking for 15 minutes..." |
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Post by itsjustus on May 3, 2016 21:52:11 GMT -5
Kind of sad in a way this question needs to be asked, but as we're all sufferers from post traumatic sexless disorder, I've asked others (and myself) a host of questions I never thought I would ask. Quick answer, Yes. I actually don't desire a woman I don't respect. I felt largely the same about my ex as you did about Mr. Kat. She was smart, funny, a great mom (still is) and we shared a lot of interests, long after we stopped sharing the bedroom. That experience didn't make me question if I was asking too much from a partner. That has more to do with me, though. I know I will never have the fulfillment I desire in a relationship unless I also respect my partner as a person. I think you can have it all. I have to have it all. I learned during those last years of my marriage that I could find someone willing to scratch that itch if that was all I wanted. That wasn't all I wanted. I need someone to fill my mind and my soul, and my body. And I want someone who wants me to do that for them. Anything less isn't worth the struggle for the life I'm trying to build from the ashes of my accumulated decisions. This!!! Maybe that's all of our best hope...to find someone who's been thru the same experience because they will truly value those desires we have now. For both! A good healthy lust for the other....and a deep desire to have our minds and souls filled...and also fulfill someone else's the same. I found that fulfilling someone else's really filled mine. I don't desire a woman I don't respect. I desire a woman that I have to respect. Well said samedeepwater! |
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Post by samedeepwater on May 4, 2016 6:10:33 GMT -5
Thank you itsjustus. I know women who desire and deserve a man's respect are out there, because they surround us in this group for one thing. Finding someone who has been through the same experience can certainly be a positive, but we should all deserve the respect of our partners, and respect them in kind. I don't see the need wasting whatever time I may have left chasing a woman I don't respect. In fact, I have no desire to. I spent too many years in a marriage that was an emotional vacuum. I have much to share, and much I would like to receive from a partner in return. I don't necessarily enjoy being alone at the moment, but I've realized that I am also worth something, and settling is not an alternative.
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Post by petrushka on May 5, 2016 7:27:07 GMT -5
Do any men ever feel both respect AND desire for a woman? It seems to be that they either like you as a friend, but don't want you - OR they want sex but they don't take you seriously as a person. It is said that a man wants to go to bed with a whore and wake up with a virgin. So it stands to reason that a woman in whom a man can unite these archetypes would be the ideal woman for that man. No, I have no idea what I'm talking about. I would not want to go to bed with a woman and wake up with a virgin. Nor, for that matter, would I want to go to bed with a virgin and wake up with a woman. I prefer my women to be experienced, and smart as a whip. That's one of MY problems, they're rare. I'm happy to leave the virgins (and the dumb bombshells) to someone else. And, by the way, looks in my experience have absolutely nothing to do with the lover experience. In my world, it would be nice if women spent less time obsessing about their appearance and spent more time on sharpening their wits. I can't remember ever having sex with a woman whom I did not respect. Vice versa, I cannot deny that I've had carnal thoughts about every woman whom I DID respect greatly. But that's just me. Do I have any idea what I'm talking about? |
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Post by Deleted on May 5, 2016 8:56:25 GMT -5
It is said that a man wants to go to bed with a whore and wake up with a virgin. So it stands to reason that a woman in whom a man can unite these archetypes would be the ideal woman for that man. No, I have no idea what I'm talking about. I would not want to go to bed with a woman and wake up with a virgin. Nor, for that matter, would I want to go to bed with a virgin and wake up with a woman. I prefer my women to be experienced, and smart as a whip. That's one of MY problems, they're rare. I'm happy to leave the virgins (and the dumb bombshells) to someone else. And, by the way, looks in my experience have absolutely nothing to do with the lover experience. In my world, it would be nice if women spent less time obsessing about their appearance and spent more time on sharpening their wits. I can't remember ever having sex with a woman whom I did not respect. Vice versa, I cannot deny that I've had carnal thoughts about every woman whom I DID respect greatly. But that's just me. Do I have any idea what I'm talking about? About as much as me LOL. |
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Post by itsjustus on May 5, 2016 11:55:56 GMT -5
Thank you itsjustus. I know women who desire and deserve a man's respect are out there, because they surround us in this group for one thing. Finding someone who has been through the same experience can certainly be a positive, but we should all deserve the respect of our partners, and respect them in kind. I don't see the need wasting whatever time I may have left chasing a woman I don't respect. In fact, I have no desire to. I spent too many years in a marriage that was an emotional vacuum. I have much to share, and much I would like to receive from a partner in return. I don't necessarily enjoy being alone at the moment, but I've realized that I am also worth something, and settling is not an alternative. This.... |
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Post by Rhapsodee on May 5, 2016 13:08:30 GMT -5
I put this on EP, too. What inspired this post: my problematic friend "Amy" was disparaging my taste in men; she said something like, "Don't you want a *decent* man?" (as opposed to a man who only cares about sex) I answered, "Well, I had Mr. Kat; and he was so 'decent' he wouldn't even be sexual with me." It's like one extreme or another: men I talk to online (I'm not dating IRL yet) seem to be either total horndogs, or else refusers. Where are the men in the middle of the two extremes? I admire my husband's fine upstanding highly moral character. All that means is he doesn't feel that exploring his or my sexuality is a decent thing to do. I wish he had an evil twin. |
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Post by wewbwb on May 5, 2016 13:18:01 GMT -5
I put this on EP, too. What inspired this post: my problematic friend "Amy" was disparaging my taste in men; she said something like, "Don't you want a *decent* man?" (as opposed to a man who only cares about sex) I answered, "Well, I had Mr. Kat; and he was so 'decent' he wouldn't even be sexual with me." It's like one extreme or another: men I talk to online (I'm not dating IRL yet) seem to be either total horndogs, or else refusers. Where are the men in the middle of the two extremes? I admire my husband's fine upstanding highly moral character. All that means is he doesn't feel that exploring his or my sexuality is a decent thing to do. I wish he had an evil twin. Hello.  |
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Post by Rhapsodee on May 5, 2016 13:38:35 GMT -5
Maybe feeling respected has to start with ourselves. I don't know if there is such a thing, but I'm determined to be a highly respected sexy lady.
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Post by Rhapsodee on May 5, 2016 13:42:04 GMT -5
I admire my husband's fine upstanding highly moral character. All that means is he doesn't feel that exploring his or my sexuality is a decent thing to do. I wish he had an evil twin. Hello. ROTFL! Still laughing! |
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Post by wewbwb on May 5, 2016 13:43:42 GMT -5
Hello. ROTFL! Still laughing! Good. - I actually do have an ongoing goal of making a person laugh everyday. |
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Post by Rhapsodee on May 5, 2016 13:46:44 GMT -5
Good. - I actually do have an ongoing goal of making a person laugh everyday. Good job. That was priceless! |
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Post by wewbwb on May 5, 2016 13:48:03 GMT -5
So if you are feeling down or just want a laugh let me know. |
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Post by deleted on May 5, 2016 14:53:13 GMT -5
Do any men ever feel both respect AND desire for a woman? It seems to be that they either like you as a friend, but don't want you - OR they want sex but they don't take you seriously as a person. if a person is willing and actually has sex with me, I take them much more seriously as a person.  ? |
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Post by wewbwb on May 5, 2016 16:24:03 GMT -5
Maybe feeling respected has to start with ourselves. I don't know if there is such a thing, but I'm determined to be a highly respected sexy lady. I don't know how this is even an issue. Of course you can a respected woman and be sexy. |
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